Craved

“Scarlet. Open the door. I’m sorry. I want to talk to. Please. I’m sorry.”

But Scarlet turned off the lights and jumped into bed, curling up. She sat there, crying and crying.

“Go away!” she screamed.

Finally, after what felt like forever, she heard his footsteps disappear.

It was too early to sleep, and Scarlet felt too numb to do anything else. After a long while, she reached over and picked up her phone. Her alerts were going crazy – her Facebook page blowing up with new posts and messages. It just made her feel worse, and she shut it off.

After a long while, she lay there, on her side, looking out through the window at the trees, at all the different colors, shimmering in the final light of day. She watched as several leaves fell off the trees before her eyes, swirling down to the ground.

She felt overwhelmed with sadness. Blake didn’t want to be with her; Vivian had turned the whole school against her; her own friends didn’t understand her; her parents didn’t trust her; she didn’t know what was happening to her body. And most of all, she messed up her chance to talk to Sage. Everything was going so wrong. And she couldn’t stop flashing back to that moment between her and Blake, down by the river. She couldn’t stop thinking about what was happening to her. Who was she, really?

She reached over and grabbed her journal and her favorite pen, leaned over and began to write.

I don’t understand my life anymore. It’s surreal. I just met the most amazing boy ever. Sage. I don’t want to admit it, because Maria likes him, but I can’t stop thinking about him. I feel like I’ve known him somehow. We barely spoke, yet I felt such a connection to him. Even more than with Blake.

But he left so quickly, and I stupidly turned him down. I wish I hadn’t. There are so many questions I’m dying to ask him. Like who he is. What he’s doing here. And why he was in front of my house. He said he was just walking by, but somehow I don’t believe it. I think he was looking for me.

I don’t know who my parents are anymore. Every day, everything is changing so much. I don’t know who I am either. It’s like the whole world I once knew, the world that was so familiar and safe is gone, replaced by another world. And I feel like tomorrow, it will all just change again.

I dread tomorrow. Will everybody hate me? Will Blake ignore me? Will I see Sage?

I can’t even imagine what the next day will bring.

* * *

Scarlet opened her eyes, awakened by a doorbell. She looked out and was shocked to realize it was already late morning, the sun flooding into her bedroom. She realized she’d fallen asleep in her clothes, on top of the covers. She grabbed her clock and turned it: 8:30. Her heart fluttered with panic. She was late for school.

The doorbell rang again, and Scarlet jumped to her feet. Given the time, she assumed her parents had already left for work, so she had to answer the door. Who could be ringing it so early in the morning?

She was tempted to ignore it, to just hurry up and get ready for school, but it rang again.

Ruth barked and barked and finally, Scarlet let her out and followed her down the stairs, through the living room, and towards the door.

Ruth stood before it, barking like crazy.

“Ruth!”

Finally Ruth quieted as Scarlet walked to the door. She slowly pulled it open.

Her heart stopped.

Standing there, staring back at her, was Sage. He held a long black rose, in both hands.

“I’m sorry to drop by like this,” he said. “But I knew you’d be home.”

“How?” she asked, totally confused.

He only stared back.

“May I come in?” he asked.

“Um…” Scarlet began.

A part of her desperately wanted to invite him in, but another part felt freaked out. What was he doing here? Why was he bringing her a black rose?

But then again, she couldn’t just send him away.

“Sure,” she said. “Come in.”

Sage smiled wide, as he took a single big step across the threshold.

As he did, to her amazement, suddenly he sank into the floor. He sank and sank, as if into quicksand, and held up a hand, shrieking for her.

“Scarlet!” he shrieked. “Help me!”

Scarlet reached down and grabbed his hand, trying to pull him up. But she suddenly went down the hole, too, diving down face first. She screamed at the top of her lungs, as she went flying full speed, heading towards the bowels of the earth.

Scarlet woke screaming. She looked all around her room, her heart pounding. The first rays of the day came through her window. She looked over at her clock. 6:15.

She had fallen asleep in her clothes. She breathed hard as she realized it had all just been a dream.

Her heart was pounding. It had felt so real.

She got up, headed into her bathroom and splashed cold water on her face several times, trying to wake up. As she stared back into the mirror, though, her fears were compounded: her reflection. It was different. She was there, but her reflection was translucent, as if she were a ghost. As if she were fading away. At first she thought the light was playing tricks on her. But she turned up the light, and it was still the same.

She was so freaked out, she felt like crying. She didn’t know what to do. She needed something to ground her. Someone to talk to. Someone to tell her that it would be OK. That she wasn’t going crazy. That she wasn’t changing. That she was the same old Scarlet.

For some reason, Scarlet thought of her mom’s offer, of the priest. Now, she felt like she really needed him. Maybe he could help her feel better.

She walked out into the hall and as she did, saw her mom walking down the hall, getting dressed for work.

“Mom?” she asked.

Caitlin stopped and turned, looking surprised.

“Oh honey, I didn’t know you were awake so early,” she said. “Are you okay?”

Scarlet nodded, afraid she would cry, and walked down the hall and gave her mom a hug.

Her mom hugged her back, tightly, and rocked her, and it felt so good to be in her arms.

“I miss you honey,” her mom said. “And I love you very much.”

“I love you too,” Scarlet said over her shoulder, and began to tear up.

“What’s wrong?” her mom asked, as she pulled back.