Navy Seal Dad

“I…so do you,” she replied, too shaken to even realize how lame the words sounded. And before she could register his intent, Mac’s lips were on hers. Warm. Gentle. Hungry. Familiar.

The taste and scent of him, the feel of his body pressed against hers after so long, struck some cold, empty place deep inside Rachel, a part of her that she had buried beneath an ocean of tears and heartache. The sound of the clipboard striking the tile floor echoed like thunder in Rachel’s ears. She jerked her mouth free.

She took one shaky step back. And then another. “The chart,” she murmured inanely. Feeling dazed, she stooped down to retrieve the patient chart and folder with less than steady fingers. As she did so, she attempted to marshal the emotions ricocheting through her.

“Here, let me get that for you,” Mac offered, flashing her one of those grins that did nothing to help her equilibrium.

When he knelt down beside her and began scooping up the papers that had fallen from her folder, Rachel stood. Finally the noises of the hospital managed to penetrate her senses. She glanced toward the nurses’ station and nearly groaned at the speculative looks being cast in her direction.

“Here you go,” Mac said, handing her the papers.

Taking the papers from him, she quickly shoved everything into the folder and hugged it and the chart to her. “Thanks,” she said, and nearly winced at how stiff and formal she sounded—particularly when the man had just kissed her.

“No problem,” Mac told her, and as though sensing her uneasiness, the grin tugging at his mouth faded. “I meant what I said, Rach. You have no idea how glad I am to see you. And you really do look good. Better than good, you’re even more beautiful than I remembered.”

“I see you found Ms. Grant,” the young nursing assistant who’d been manning the station desk addressed Mac.

He flashed the younger woman one of his megawatt smiles. “Yes, ma’am. I sure did. Thanks for your help.”

The other woman beamed. “Anytime.”

Noting the dreamy look on the younger woman’s face, Rachel beat back an unexpected stab of jealousy. She had no right to be jealous, Rachel reminded herself. She had no claim on Mac. She never had. Even when they’d been together, he’d never really been hers. The fact that she’d made the mistake of falling in love with him hadn’t been Mac’s problem. It had been hers and hers alone. Just as the unexpected dividend of their short-term affair had been hers alone. Her heart swelled as she thought of little P.J. and how much he had changed her life.

P.J.!

Panic shot through Rachel like a bullet as she stared at Mac, worried over the impact his appearance might cause on their lives.

“I’ll remember that, Kimberly,” Mac said, reading the woman’s name tag. “And thanks again.”

“Like I said, anytime, Commander,” she replied, and after a brief nod to Rachel, she hurried over to the nurses’ station where a phone line was ringing.

Commander? Rachel yanked her attention to the gold bars on Mac’s uniform. “I didn’t realize you’d been promoted.”

He shrugged. “A couple of months ago.”

“Congratulations, Mac.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m happy for you.” And she was, Rachel realized. She knew how much Mac’s career meant to him. She’d discovered just how important it was when he’d informed her that he was leaving and didn’t know when or if he’d be back. While he’d revealed little to her about what his activities as a SEAL entailed, she had learned enough about the elite military unit to know that the missions Mac and his team undertook weren’t without danger or risk. Besides, Mac had been honest with her—brutally so the last time she’d seen him. He’d told her not to wait for him, because he could never offer her what she deserved—a commitment, a family, a future. But the bottom line was that Mac hadn’t wanted those things with her. Or at least not enough to try. For him, it came down to a choice—the SEALs or her. And he’d chosen the SEALs.

“I’ve missed you, Rach,” he said, his eyes darkening. It reminded her of the way Mac had looked at her the first time they’d made love…as though she was the only thing in the world that mattered to him. He lifted his hand, stroked his knuckles along her cheek the way he had countless times when they’d been together.

His touch, his smell, the look in his eyes brought everything back to Rachel in a rush. And it seemed like only yesterday that she had lain naked in his arms, her heart filled with love and dreams. But Mac hadn’t wanted her love. Her dreams hadn’t been his, she reminded herself. Resenting the fact that just the memory still had the power to make her heart ache this way, Rachel took a step back.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his hand falling to his side. “I guess I shouldn’t have just shown up here like this without any warning. But I wasn’t even sure if I was going to make the trip to New Orleans until I was practically on the plane. Then once I got here, all I could think of was that I had to see you, find out how you were doing.”

Of course, he’d wanted to see her again. Why wouldn’t he? She’d been quite an accommodating playmate for him the last time he’d been in town, hadn’t she? Pain and bitterness rose like bile in her throat. “As you can see, I’m doing just fine,” she told him.

“I can see that,” he said, his eyes sparkling with appreciation. “I tried to reach you when I got in yesterday evening, but your old phone number had been disconnected. I went by your apartment, but I was told you’d moved. That’s when I decided to come by the hospital and see if you still worked here.” He gave her that lopsided grin. “Lucky for me you didn’t change jobs, too.”

“You know me, Mac. Predictable as always. I’ll probably still be here twenty years from now and the next time you’re passing through,” she said, unable to keep the sharpness out of her tone.

Mac narrowed his eyes. “It wasn’t a put-down. I’ve always admired your dedication to your job. It was one of the things that attracted me to you—the fact that you always knew you wanted to be a nurse just like I knew I wanted to be a SEAL. It’s one of the things we have in common.”

She couldn’t help but feel a slash of pain as she thought about how much more they had in common than he knew. Yet the idea of telling him about P.J. now, sent panic racing through her blood. “I… It was good to see you again, Mac. But I really need to get back to work.” Ignoring the look of confusion that crossed his handsome face, she started past him.

“Hang on a second,” he said, blocking her path.

“Mac, I told you, I have to get back to work.”

“I know.” He frowned, watched her out of eyes she was afraid would see too much. “Listen, I’m not sure what I said to upset you, but whatever it is, I do apologize.”

“Fine. Now if you’ll excuse me.” She started past him a second time. Mac mirrored her actions and once again blocked her path. “I told you, I need to get back to work.”

“Take a break.”

“I don’t want a break,” she countered.

“Take one, anyway. I want to talk to you.”

“Forgive me, but somehow I doubt talk is what you had in mind when you came here looking for me.” And even as she said the words, Rachel knew she wasn’t being fair. After all, why shouldn’t he think she’d be ready to resume their affair, when she’d been so willing to take him to her bed the last time he’d been in town.

His blue eyes chilled, and there wasn’t the hint of a smile in sight. “I have no problem doing this in front of an audience. We finish this conversation right here, right now, where everyone can hear us, or we can do it in private. It’s your call, Rachel. What’s it going to be?”

He meant it, Rachel realized, noting the stubborn set of his jaw. “I’ve only got a few minutes,” she told him and led him to the staff lounge, which thankfully was empty. “All right, Mac,” she said turning to face him. “We’re alone now. So why don’t you tell me why you’re here.”

He met her gaze, held it. “I’m here because I wanted…no, I needed to see you,” he said with a grimness so at odds with the man she remembered.

During their four weeks together, Mac had laughed and loved with her with a boldness that stole her breath. He’d made her feel daring and exciting and sexy, nothing at all like dull-as-dishwater Rachel Grant the minister’s daughter, who always followed the rules. She’d broken every rule she’d been taught and believed in about abstaining from premarital sex, about the need for love and commitment. And she’d broken them without regret, without shame. Until Mac had told her he was leaving, that there could be no future for them.

His expression softened. “I meant what I said, Rach. I really have missed you.”

The words were like knives through her heart, resurrecting old feelings, old dreams, old hurts. “What am I supposed to say to that, Mac?”

“I was hoping that maybe you missed me, too.”

Missing didn’t come close to describing how she’d felt when he had left. She’d felt lost. Alone. Dead inside. Until she’d found out about P.J. Discovering she was pregnant with Mac’s baby had been all that had kept her going those first few months. And now here Mac was again, back in New Orleans for a week or two, he’d said. So he’d decided to look her up.

“I guess I can’t blame you for not believing me, but it’s the truth. I never forgot you, Rachel.”

“Really? Is that why I haven’t heard from you in over two years? No phone calls, no letters. Not even a postcard to say you were still alive.”

His mouth tightened. “I never led you on, Rachel.”

“No, you didn’t,” she admitted, and the admission left her almost as raw now as it had two years ago. “You made it clear when you left that it was over between us. I shouldn’t have been surprised not to hear from you. But I was surprised.” And hurt, she admitted silently.

“Rachel.” He said her name softly, reached out to touch her face.