“But can I trust myself not to be unreasonable? Right now, I don’t know. Right now, I’m afraid I might not be able to.”
“Right now, you have time to think about what’s going on inside you. To deal with it. You’ll calm down.”
“Sure. Yeah.” She gave a bitter laugh. “I thought for years I was calm. Apparently I was hiding from myself, too.”
“You wouldn’t be the first person to do that.”
“Did you see how she looked when she walked out of here, Ethan? Did you see her eyes?”
“She’s tired,” he said soothingly. “She’s a little kid, and she’s been up all night. Sure, what you told her was probably difficult to swallow, and it’ll take time for her to wrap her mind around it, but most of what you saw was pure fatigue.”
“How can you know that? How can you possibly know that? What if she hates me now? I sent her father to jail!”
He shook his head and caught her chin in his hand, forcing her to look at him. “Listen, Connie. Please listen. She understood that he hurt you bad enough to put you in the hospital. You underestimate her love for you if you think she’s going to turn on you because Leo broke the law and went to jail.”
“What if she doesn’t see it that way?”
“With a mom who’s a cop, I’m pretty sure she understands that. Besides, she’s seven, not three. Bad people go to jail. She knows that.”
“Yeah. Yeah. But other bad people aren’t her dad.”
His expression grew gentle. “She doesn’t know the man, Connie. Her only emotional attachment to him is an attachment to an idea. He’s not real. He hasn’t been with her all these years. He hasn’t taken care of her. Give her a chance to think about it and absorb it. She’ll be okay.”
“You’re so sure.”
“I had less reason to understand, but I did.”
She couldn’t deny the truth of his words. Maybe she really wasn’t expecting too much of a seven-year-old. The questions had arisen, and needed to be answered. If Sophie was wondering, she deserved to know. Connie had always followed the rule that if the child asks, the child is ready to know at least something. She hadn’t dumped gory details on the girl, just a general outline.
“Maybe,” she said finally. “Maybe.”
“Trust your daughter’s love.”
Surprising what a tall order that suddenly seemed to her. Yet she knew that Ethan was right. She would just have to prepare herself for an emotional reaction from Sophie. Because there was bound to be one.
There was always a price, it seemed. Even for the truth.
Chapter 15 (#ulink_1e4f7a9f-ef03-5aa3-8866-0795c36b137f)
Julia arrived home just before noon. She took one look at Connie and demanded to know what was wrong.
“Sophie asked about her father.”
“Well, you knew that was coming.” Julia wheeled over to the stove and poured herself a cup of coffee. Ethan rose and started to leave the kitchen, but Julia waved him back. “Stay, Ethan,” she said. “You’re practically part of this family now, and I suppose you were here when Sophie asked.”
He nodded and resumed his chair. Julia’s knowing eyes moved between them, as if she sensed the change in their relationship. But she said nothing.
“So how did she take it?”
“I don’t know,” Connie answered frankly. “She seemed to accept what I said, but then she went straight upstairs to bed. She was up all night, but—”
“Shh,” Julia said, interrupting her. “Don’t make this bigger than it needs to be. The child was probably just exhausted.”
“I’m still worried,” Connie told her. “How can I not be worried? And another thing, I’m wondering why this came up now. She said it was because she and the other girls played games last night with Jody’s mom and dad, but that’s nothing new.”
Julia put her mug on the table and rearranged her chair so she was sitting comfortably facing them. “Maybe it has to do with this stranger.”
Connie, thinking of last night’s phone call, a call she didn’t want to mention to her mother, felt a sickening jolt. “What do you mean?”
“Maybe,” Julia said, “she’s feeling a need for protection.”
“She won’t get it from that quarter,” Connie said bitterly.
“She probably realizes that now,” Julia agreed. “Assuming you told her something about why you had to leave him.”
“I made it as sketchy as I could, but yes.”
“Poor thing.” Julia sighed. “For everything this mess has put us through this week, in her own way she’s been through just as much. Maybe we haven’t given enough thought to how scared she’s been. Oh, I know she’s acting as if it’s all okay, but maybe she’s trying to be strong for you, Connie. I wouldn’t put it past her.”
“Great.” Connie closed her eyes briefly. “Here I’ve been assuming that she was okay, that as long as we surrounded her with protection and she knew it was there, she’d feel safe. God, I feel like a dunce.”
“Well, she’s not exactly acting as if she’s scared of her own shadow. If she doesn’t want you to know, how are you supposed to?”
“Because I’m supposed to be her mother and read between the lines. She’s only seven.”
“And a lot of seven-year-olds would have put that stranger behind them by now. They don’t dwell on things unnecessarily, the way we adults do.”
“Usually.” Connie rose. “I’m going to look in on her.”
She climbed the stairs with leaden feet, full of old fears and now new ones. She had honestly believed that Sophie was getting back to normal after her scare. Apparently not.
Why else all the questions about her father?
She opened the door quietly and looked in. Sophie lay in a tangle of blankets, wrapped around her favorite stuffed dog. Maybe, when this was over, she should let her mother get Sophie that dog. On the other hand, dogs, as wonderful as they were, meant more bills, bills that might strain an already tight budget.
She started to back out, but stopped when she heard Sophie’s sleepy voice. “Mom?”
“Yes, honey?” At once she went to sit on the edge of Sophie’s bed and laid a hand on her shoulder.
“It’s going to be okay, right?”
“Of course it is. Are you still scared of that man?”
“Not really.” Sophie rolled onto her back and looked at her. “I heard Grandma come home.”
“Yes, she’s in the kitchen with Ethan, having coffee.”
“I like Ethan.”