Mums Just Wanna Have Fun

Nancy exhaled and picked up her coffee. It was going to be a long week.

Chapter 5 (#u5c0f1bb3-314d-591d-ac27-d92e41aaa820)

‘Oh my God, will you just look at this place!’ Harriet strolled into the foyer and stopped still in the centre of the room, glancing around 360 degrees. ‘It looks so much better than in the pictures, Nance!’ She looked at her friend who was standing open-mouthed, looking around like a kid who had just walked into Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory for the first time. The gentle cream softness of the décor made the room instantly inviting. A warm glow from the designer lightshades that hung above them lit the room just enough to feel cosy but was totally unnecessary as it was still daytime and the blistering heat was beaming beautifully outside. The foyer was spacious with huge marble pillars dotted around creating a sense of grandeur. As Harriet approached the reception desk she was greeted with cheery smiles and gentle voices.

‘Good afternoon, how may I help you?’

‘I have a booking under Harriet Fisher.’ She glanced over her shoulder to see Nancy still looking around in awe and the children looking bored and grumpy. Tommy was strapped into his chair and was moaning about the fact that he couldn’t get out, bucking his body as though he was in a bucking bronco tournament. Isla was wandering around one of the marble pillars, one hand placed onto the cold surface singing a song to herself and going round and round and round … and Jack was sitting cross-legged on the floor, his head stuck in his iPad still.

‘Yes, here we go. You have adjoining rooms 235 and 236, with 236 occupying a balcony. Here are your key cards and the lifts are to your right. Just sign here please.’ Harriet did as she was asked. ‘Is there anything I can get for you?’

Harriet took the envelopes and shook her head. ‘No thanks, I think we’re all good.’ She practically skipped back to Nancy and the children.

‘Harriet this place is incredible – when you said you were taking us on holiday, I didn’t envisage such a … well, such indulgence!’

‘Only the best for my girl.’ Harriet winked and blew a kiss and then picked up her bags. ‘Come on, let’s get unpacked so we can eat, I’m starving!’

***

As Nancy walked into her adjoining room leaving the others still exploring Harriet’s room, she couldn’t help but feel the emotion catch in her throat a little. This place was truly magical and definitely something that she needed in her life right now after the horrendous year she had had. But equally, she felt sad because being here as a single parent just reminded her where she was currently at in her life right now. After years of building up her family unit, it had all been taken away from her – against her will – and now she felt more confused than ever. This holiday was definitely going to be the break she needed to refocus and decide what she was going to do. Hopefully, being away from Pete and home would help to put everything into perspective.

Nancy walked over to the balcony and slid the door open, stepping out onto the concrete and taking in the view around her. It was truly stunning. The pool below them was heaving with families; children laughing and screaming as they played their imaginary games and splashed around in the pool – which was in the shape of a dolphin. There was the faint tune of local music playing within the complex and if you looked beyond the horizon, you could see the picturesque view of the sea, deep blue and glistening.

Before she came out here she kept telling herself that she needed to do it, needed to listen to her body – and her friend – and take some time out. But she just couldn’t shake off the anxiety of bringing Jack here. She and Pete hadn’t taken Jack away very much because of an early bad experience when Jack was a toddler. He was struggling with what they now knew was a fear of his ears being touched, and he’d had a huge meltdown which resulted in Nancy and Pete having a blazing row. The rest of the holiday was tainted with the harsh comments both of them had made in the heat of the moment. Since then, they had shied away from holidaying anywhere where there were people or potential triggers. This had been a cause of pressure in their marriage because it had been Nancy’s choice to reduce the holidaying and subsequently, they spent their down time locked away in barns and cabins in the middle of nowhere. Pete missed the holidays they took before Jack was born and Nancy resented the fact that Pete didn’t understand that she was the one who always had to deescalate the meltdowns when Jack had them, so normal holidays were just a stress for her.

But being here was the right thing to do – she knew that. She just needed to ignore the impending feeling of dread that constantly sat somewhere between her stomach and her chest. Jack would be fine. She let a small smile play over her lips as she watched the children below bouncing around in the water and jumping on each other’s backs for piggyback races. But the smile wasn’t because she was happy; it dressed her face and pretended that she was fine but inside all she felt was deflation. Because she knew that Jack wouldn’t be laughing and joking with friends like these children were. He wouldn’t be playing race games and splashing other children as he dunked his head under the water. And as much as she hated herself for feeling disappointed about this, she couldn’t lie to herself. Other people, sure. But not to herself.

A holiday in the sun where she could try to hide from all the feelings of guilt and anxiety? Yes, this was exactly what Nancy needed right now.

Chapter 6 (#ulink_a04847ed-d107-57f1-a438-8a1eb430c7de)

Nancy glanced around the restaurant as she waited for Harriet to return to the table. The one they had chosen to eat in tonight was the least plush of the three available options. The children had had a long day travelling and Nancy was tired too, so choosing the least fancy one suited her just fine. If Jack was to have an episode – which was always a possibility as they were in a new place – then she would feel more comfortable here, with fewer people to look down their noses at her. She wasn’t the type of person to judge others, especially when she knew how horrible it was when people judged her parenting and her son. But she had found that in places where a particular etiquette was expected – like highbrow restaurants – the consequences of a meltdown were not appreciated in the slightest. Children were expected to behave in a certain way and whilst that was understandable, it wasn’t always practical. She had been made to feel an outsider last year when out with Hari and the children at a posh restaurant in town. Hari had been given the table reservation as part of a contract and had chosen to take Nancy and Jack along with her as a treat. A waitress had dropped a tray of food, the noise was too loud for Jack and he became anxious and jittery. The waitress then came over to apologise and ruffled Jack’s hair but this was enough to tip him over the edge and it all fell apart from there. The looks on the faces of the other diners and the staff had been branded onto Nancy’s brain and regularly fuelled mild panic attacks. When she thought about that evening, she could still hear the voices saying things like ‘she should learn to control her child’ and ‘what’s wrong with him’.

Nowadays she much preferred restaurants with a more relaxed atmosphere towards children.

The tables were set up like picnic benches, but they were pimped up with padding on the seats and the tables were dressed as though they were eating at Buckingham palace; material napkins, beautiful cutlery and the most amazing flower arrangements encased within an ivory birdcage.

‘Do you think every part of this resort is like this or will I be able to pick up a burger and chips from somewhere?’ Nancy asked, perusing the menu.

‘Just embrace the luxury, Nance,’ Harriet replied.

‘It’s alright for you; you’re used to eating in places like this with work. You travel here, there, and everywhere, and have your meetings in posh restaurants all the time. I get by on toast, sandwiches and Jack’s leftovers.’ Her heart sank a little as the reality of how dismal her life had become since Pete had left hit her a little more. She was starting to wonder whether she would ever get the hang of this single parenting malarkey.

‘Have things really been that tight since Dickhead went?’

Nancy shrugged, realising her faux pas of bringing up the money subject. She never brought up money with anyone, all it did was either make people feel uncomfortable or pity her – neither of which she wanted from her best friend. Harriet knew things were tough, but Nancy had never really spoken about just how hard it was getting through each day financially. Their focus tended to be more the emotional effects of Pete leaving.

‘You know I’m always here to help. I can lend you some money if you need some?’

‘Don’t be silly, I’m fine. Things are fine. I’m not struggling.’ She was, but now she felt awkward.

‘Honestly babe, I can give you some money if it’ll help lighten the stress of things and—’

‘Hari, honestly, I’m fine.’ She cut her short. This wasn’t the conversation she wanted to have. Not with Harriet, not with anyone. She wasn’t about to start taking charity. She wasn’t there – yet. Harriet obviously heard the tone of Nancy’s voice and didn’t push anymore, instead turning her attention to helping Isla find something on the menu.

Nancy glanced back at her menu and then over to Jack who had his earphones on and his eyes glued to his iPad. She placed her hand onto his forearm and waited for him to remove the headphones – a sequence they had devised that told Jack that she wanted his attention, so he had time to adjust. She’d learnt the hard way that if she removed his headphones without warning him first, it would trigger a disaster because he didn’t like anyone touching his ears.

When he had taken them off and placed them on the table, he looked at her with his big blue eyes and instantly Nancy found herself smiling. No matter how tough she was finding things at home, one look at Jack with his cute little inquisitive face and all her worries melted away. Although lately, she did sometimes get a twinge of sadness because the older he got, the more he took on Pete’s facial features. They both had this little crease at the top of their nose that appeared whenever they scrunched up their face or yawned. And they both had big, beautiful eyes that you could lose yourself in. It was a feature Nancy had fallen for when she’d first met Pete.

‘What would you like to eat, sweetheart? You can have chips, spaghetti bolognese or chicken?’ She tried to tempt him with meals she thought he would eat but she knew before he had spoken what his answer would be.

‘Pasta.’

She smiled. ‘Why don’t you try something new?’ Again, she knew the response.

‘Pasta,’ he said, his chin beginning to wobble. Now wasn’t the time or place to try to get him to branch out. He had eaten strawberry yoghurt and grapes for breakfast, peanut butter sandwiches (cut into triangles NOT squares) for lunch, and pasta with grated cheese on top for dinner every single day for the last ten months. He wasn’t about to change that here.

It frustrated her though, if she was honest. To others it might seem trivial and not something worth getting worked up over, but it was the fact that Nancy didn’t have the answers. She didn’t know why he had suddenly limited his eating habits or what triggered this. He ate normally when Pete first left but after a couple of months it was like he just decided that this was all he was going to eat. And when Jack had something in his head, that was it. This was something that Nancy had been researching lately though and she was determined to widen his food choices. And actually, this holiday might be the perfect time to try out some of the techniques she had found. It could be her little holiday mission – aside from getting Jack through the holiday itself. She thought for a minute – maybe right now wasn’t the best time to push this seeing as they had not long been here so Jack was bound to be feeling anxious about his new surroundings.

‘OK sweetheart,’ she said and he smiled at her, replacing his headphones. Nancy didn’t push for more; she would let him settle in first, then she would tackle the issue of food.

***

Later that evening, Harriet looked at her children sleeping, the moonlight from the window gently falling onto their faces making them look like sleeping angels. She glanced at the clock: 02.53. Exhaling she opened her laptop and checked her emails.

Hello, Harriet@creativeimpressions.com, you have 87 new emails

She felt a lead weight drop into her stomach. She couldn’t even be away from work for a day without falling behind. She opened the first email.

Harriet, sorry to bother you on holiday but Colemans are saying that we haven’t provided the correct information regarding the Beech Project. I’ve forwarded you their email – what do you want me to do??

She groaned and began typing. As much as she knew she and her family needed this holiday, her workload was still heavy, and this week would be a juggling act. And she knew Nancy needed this break more. She had watched her friend deteriorate over the last year as she’d struggled to look after Jack single-handedly and Harriet knew that Nancy desperately needed to take some time out. Unfortunately, Harriet’s staff didn’t understand her decision to be a good friend and leave the business just before a big contract came in, and because of the way Harriet managed her company, they seemed to lack drive and competence when she wasn’t there. This wasn’t something Harriet wanted to admit to anyone, but she was finding it hard to delegate jobs, instead choosing to take charge of everything which resulted in very little time to do anything un-work related like spending time with her friends and family. This bothered Harriet hugely, yet she wasn’t in any position to implement changes to stop this from happening. Hopefully this was about to change though. Whilst this holiday was presented as a getaway for her friend, she secretly hoped that some downtime without the pressures of her everyday routine would mean that she would be able to consider her options and find a way forward. Everyone who knew her – or thought they knew her – would say that Harriet was the type of person who thrived on being busy. Someone who loved a challenge and hated the mundane tasks of everyday parenting. Whilst that had an element of truthfulness in it, the part of her that nobody really knew much about was the part that was screaming out for help. But she was too frightened to acknowledge it and she spent all day, every day, squashing it deep down so that she didn’t have to accept the fact that her family life was a mess. Her children spent more time being pulled from pillar to post and having Harriet shout and stress at them than actually enjoying the company of their mum.

When Harriet was forced to become a single parent and watch her husband walk out on them, she decided that she could go one of two ways – she could wallow, feel sorry for herself and fall into a cycle of depression and self-destruction, or, she could pick herself up and do what needed to be done to make ends meet. Which, being the type of person she was, was what she’d done. However, along the way Harriet seemed to have lost her focus and instead of plunging into the Supermum role she’d envisaged, she’d become a crazed work-a-holic who hardly spent any time with her children and found herself snowed under at work with no one to turn to.

This holiday would be a real test for her. She wanted to use the time away from work to refocus and find answers. Unfortunately, work didn’t seem to have got that memo! Harriet didn’t need sleep anyway – it was totally overrated.

Chapter 7 (#ulink_153453bb-46f3-5887-8b96-5bb123796ca0)

‘Mummy … Mummy … Mummy … Mummy…?’

Harriet groaned as she turned to face Isla who was tapping her on the arm for the millionth time. ‘Yes darling?’

‘Can we go for some breakfast, I’m hungry? And Tommy’s done a poo – he stinks!’

Harriet looked at the clock: 05:55.

‘Isla, it’s too early for breakfast – they don’t start serving until 7 a.m.’ Isla moaned. ‘I’m sorry, sweetheart.’