Cloud Nine

‘Dr Goodacre gave you the green light?’ Meg asked, backing out of the driveway.

‘Yes,’ Sarah said, wondering if she should mention the fever. She touched her own forehead; it felt cool.

‘His nurse is a piece of work,’ Meg said. ‘Vicky. I used to call her for questions about your dressing changes, whether he wanted me to keep using Silvadine or not, and first of all she’d never call me back, and second of all, when she finally did, she was so mean!’

‘He runs a tight ship,’ Sarah said, smiling with recognition at the description of Vicky. ‘I keep hoping she’s happier outside of work.’

‘Anyway, you feel fine, and that’s what counts.’

‘Hmm,’ Sarah said. Her fever was gone, the flu had passed her by; she decided to say nothing to Meg. They were halfway to the airport, the day was shining, and she was on her way to see Mike.

‘What?’ Meg asked, glancing over.

‘If it came back,’ Sarah said, so choked up she almost couldn’t talk. ‘I couldn’t stand it.’

‘Oh, Sarah,’ Meg said.

They had talked this over before: Sarah knew that when tumors like hers recurred and metastasized, the survival rates plummeted. The new treatment would be just as aggressive as the last, and the outcome would be uncertain. They would just be maintaining her life, keeping the cancer in check while she slipped away. The thought of living her life in cycles of pain and illness, steadily growing weaker, filled her with dread.

‘I won’t, you know,’ Sarah said.

‘Won’t what?’

‘Have any more radiation or chemo.’ Sarah shivered. ‘This is my chance, and I’m going to grab it.’

‘Grab it, Sarah,’ Meg said, her voice catching. Reaching across the seat, she hugged her friend. ‘That’s exactly what you should do.’

‘I have to,’ Sarah said. Her heart was pounding, but in the warmth of her friend’s arms she suddenly relaxed. Her head cleared, she felt calm. She was healthy, free, on her way to a place that used to be home. Sarah Talbot felt bright as the day.

Will had the big plane all fueled up and ready to go. He had called the National Weather Service, learned that they could expect clear flying and a ten-knot tailwind the whole way. They had a high ceiling, clouds building in the west and weather blowing in for tomorrow. But for today, the line of high pressure would keep them safe.

He had thrown his duffel bag into the baggage compartment, and tossed an extra jacket into the backseat. The Piper Aztec was an older plane, all-weather, and it had significant range. It had six passenger seats and enough instruments to fly around the world in fog, so he felt prepared.

Even excited. It was Thanksgiving, and he had made no plans. With his daughter tied up with her mother and Julian, it wasn’t going to be any fun hanging around Fort Cromwell. He remembered last year. He had decided to boycott the holiday, spent the afternoon watching football and drinking beer, but midway through the first game he got a craving for turkey. Driving down to the A&P, he’d stocked up on frozen turkey dinners, but eating them had made him feel more depressed than he’d felt in years.

Seeing Meg Ferguson’s blue car coming down the airport road, Will locked the office door behind him. He had his chart case. He checked his pockets, making sure he had his keys and wallet. Since Fred’s death, he had become somewhat forgetful. Before she’d left, Alice used to tease him about having early Alzheimer’s disease. Sometimes he had wondered how she did it, store all the facts and details of everyday life in with all that sorrow.

His daughter had begged him to let her fly to Maine with him, but he had held firm. It wasn’t fair to Sarah, and it wasn’t fair to Alice. Ultimately, it wouldn’t be fair to his daughter. Selfishly, Will would have loved to have her along. But he had to do what was right. The thought of another holiday without either of his children struck him straight in the heart; he felt an actual pain, and he touched his chest.

This is my Thanksgiving, he thought, watching the car come. Flying a stranger to an island to see her family. He recognized the self-pity, hated himself for it. But then Sarah Talbot stepped out of the car and everything changed. The woman glowed. She looked around, gazing from the sky to the plane to Will. Waving, she opened both her arms and looked straight at him, as if to ask whether he had made this day for her.

Will looked up. For the first time that day, he saw the weather as something other than a system to fly through: a clear blue sky, shimmering sunshine. The sun sparkled on mica in the tarmac and some traces of snow left in the field. The sunlight was going to look like diamonds spread upon the ocean. In a few hours Will would see the Atlantic, the sea he loved so much.

It was nearly Thanksgiving, and he didn’t have his daughter with him, but she was alive and well. Will walked toward Sarah and knew he was going to be fine. He had a feeling about her, and he had since the first time he’d seen her. Sarah Talbot was taking him home.

The twin engines hummed loudly. The sky surrounded them in endless blue. Sunlight turned the wings silver, and even though she wore dark glasses, Sarah couldn’t stop squinting. The land below was vast and forested, filled with snowcapped pines standing on rocky hillsides. The mountains rose ahead.

Neither she nor Will spoke. They flew along in silence, watching the land unfold. A radio crackled, and voices spoke to them from down below. Occasionally Will would answer, using their call letters. Sarah had the sense of being passed from tower to tower, as if the air traffic controllers were a benevolent order, overseeing their progress from New York to Maine. At one point Will reached over to take her hand. He held it for a few minutes, until he had to use the radio again to call into Boston Center.

‘Look,’ Will said, leaning toward Sarah to point out a bald eagle circling below. Its wings were long and broad, and it crossed its territory with very few beats. Seeing it filled Sarah with strong emotion.

‘It’s a big one,’ Sarah said, watching it fly over its nest. ‘We have eagles on the island.’ She was a patriot, and seeing eagles always made her proud. Her father had flown in World War II, and she had grown up singing anthems. That reminded her of something Snow had said, and she turned to Will. ‘You were in the navy, weren’t you?’

‘Yes, I was.’

‘But it’s not where you learned to fly?’

‘No, I’ve always loved flying. I grew up in Waterford, Connecticut, near a small airport, and I learned how to fly before I could drive. My first job was taking charters out to Block Island.’

‘So this is nothing new to you. Flying people out to islands.’

‘No, it’s old hat,’ he joked, laughing.

‘Snow said you flew in the navy.’

‘Some of the time. Yes, I did.’

‘She’s so proud of you,’ Sarah said.

Will was silent for a while. ‘I don’t know why,’ he said.

Sarah could hear the self-hatred in his voice. Whatever had happened had hurt everyone very badly. She could see it in Snow, in the way she dawdled on her way home from school and hung around the shop, and in the way she changed her name. She could read it in Will, the deep lines of sorrow in his face, the way he was spending his holiday flying her to Maine instead of with people who loved him.

‘It doesn’t matter why,’ Sarah said.

‘Everything matters,’ Will said.

‘Except “why,”’ Sarah said. ‘Why they’re proud of you, why they love you, why they need you so much. All that matters is that they do.’

‘Is that how it is with you and Mike?’ Will asked, turning to see her face.

‘I do the best I can and try to let go of the results.’

‘If you can do that, you’re very lucky,’ he said.

‘I don’t do it perfectly, that’s for sure,’ Sarah said. ‘I remember the day he told me he was leaving. The words that come to mind are ‘killing rage.”’

Will’s gaze intensified, and he stared harder at the sky, as if it were a busy highway with dangerously merging rush hour traffic.

‘Look!’ Sarah said.

There, in the distance, far beyond the last hill and the tall buildings of the last city, was a line of silver.

‘Wow, Sarah,’ he said. He had been concentrating so hard on his thoughts, he seemed shocked by the sudden appearance of the sea.

‘Do you know how long it’s been since I saw it?’ Sarah asked, resting her fingertips on the dash.

‘No, how long?’