A Home For Christmas

“Children know how to make the most of the moment,” she said, though he detected a hesitation in her voice, as if she didn’t quite believe it. Then she continued, “But I suppose even children can’t ignore the past or the future.”

She stopped, and he did also. He faced her, knowing from the expression on her face he wouldn’t care for what she had to say.

“Wade, why won’t you make a home for these children? It’s obvious they love you and you love them.”

Her words ripped a bleeding path through his heart. She would never understand and he wouldn’t try to explain his reasons, so he simply repeated the words he’d said to himself seconds before. “A man must do what is right. Not necessarily what suits him. I promised their mother I would see they got a good home and I intend to do just that.” Wade turned to stare ahead, seeing nothing but the agony of his own regrets and failures. If only he was a better man, one who could take care of those who depended on him.

His heart hurt so bad he thought it might bleed out through his pores.

Missy caught his arm, sending a jolt through him. “You could give them a good home.”

He shook his head and refused to look at her, instead focusing his attention on the spot where her hand touched his arm. He drew in a deep breath. “I can’t.” He would say no more. “But I promised them we’d celebrate Christmas.” That gave him an idea. “You must have done something special as a family the day after Christmas.”

Her fingers pressed into his arm as if a spasm had passed through them. She blinked and then her eyes widened. “We did but I’d forgotten. How could I?” Her gaze bored into him as if searching for the reason. “I was thirteen when my parents died. Old enough to remember all the things we’d done, yet somehow, I’ve forgotten much of it.” Her eyes fairly danced and pleasure filled her face. She laughed low in her throat. “Mama had us write down all the good things from the past and a prayer for the New Year.” Her expression flattened. “I don’t suppose that would be a good activity for Annie and Joey.”

Wanting to bring the joy back to her eyes, Wade said, “Why not? Might be fun.”

She nodded slowly. “I always enjoyed it. Sometimes we did a play, too.”

“Did you write them?” He could almost picture her enthusiasm as she made up a story and acted it out with her siblings. Then he remembered. “Did you only have the one sibling?”

She nodded. “Just Gordie.” Sorrow laced the words and somehow, without planning it, Wade had captured her hands and held them between his own, trying to warm them even though it was only moderately cold out.

“It hurts to lose a brother.”

The smile she gave him trembled. “Or a sister.”

Their gazes locked as they silently offered understanding and sympathy. And found comfort. At least he did. He could only wish he successfully gave it to her as well, but had he? He’d thought he gave Tomasina what she needed, but he’d failed.

He dropped Missy’s hands. “How about we follow your suggestion after lunch?”

“Okay.” She tucked her hands into her sleeves, hiding them completely.

They continued on their way up the hill, watching as the children scampered into the house. When they finally reached the threshold, Missy stepped across and Wade began to close the door.

“Aren’t you coming in?” she asked, stopping him.

“I’m going to help with the chores.” He shut the door between them and remained motionless as he tried to put his feelings into perspective.

He could deal with this upcoming goodbye better if Missy Porter didn’t continually suggest with words and looks that he was somehow failing the children.

She had no idea how badly a man could fail.

* * *

Missy stared at the door. Then she shrugged. He had every right to leave her to care for the children while he did other things. She fully intended he would not regret one penny he paid her. In fact, if she managed things right, she might even make him see that he could give the children the home they deserved. He’d have to remarry or hire a housekeeper, but surely providing the children with a home was reason enough to choose a woman who would put the children’s interests above her own.

I could marry him.

She snorted as the thought echoed in her mind. She had other plans. And even if she didn’t, she had no desire to be seen as a necessary nuisance again. If she ever married— She stopped before she could complete the thought. Knowing how fragile life was, how easily it could be snatched away, leaving the survivors floundering, she didn’t plan to marry.

But if she ever changed her mind, she would marry for love. A great, consuming, overwhelming love that made it impossible to think of any option other than marriage, other than being bound together until death parted them.

She would do her utmost to help Wade find a suitable woman. Her shoulders sagged. She was hundreds of miles from where she knew all the maiden ladies. The only women she knew at Eden Valley Ranch were happily married. Where would she find someone willing to marry Wade and become a parent to Joey and Annie? It was impossible.

With God, all things are possible.

Please, Father God, send someone to love the children and be willing to marry Wade to give them the home they deserve.

Dismissing her hesitation at uttering the prayer, she went to the kitchen to help prepare dinner. The children played nearby, their gazes often darting to her as she worked.

“There’s more butter in the pantry,” Linette said, as Missy set out the meal.

Missy went to get it. When she returned, Annie and Joey stood at the end of the table, eyes wide, expressions drawn tight. Oh, no, had they thought she’d dropped out of their lives just because she’d disappeared for a moment? Her heart twisted within her chest, making her head feel light from lack of air. She set the butter aside and pulled them both to her side. “I promised I would take care of you as long as you are here, and I will.” And lest they thought it was only because she felt she had to, she knelt to face them. “I cannot think of anything in the world I would sooner do than spend time with you two.”

Annie threw her arms about Missy’s neck and hung on, her breath rushing out in a hot gust.

Joey would have hung back, but Missy pulled him against her other shoulder and pressed his head close. She smiled with a heart full of joy that she could help this pair. She knew the pain she would feel when they were wrenched away to their new home, but this was one pain she would not regret.

The outer door opened and Wade stepped inside. He took in the two children cradled in Missy’s arms and his eyes narrowed. She had no way of knowing what he thought of the scene and at the moment she did not care. She was only following her heart.

A few minutes later, the others joined them around the dinner table. As soon as the meal ended, Missy jumped up before either Louise or Linette could get to their weary feet. “You two take your babies and have a rest while I clean up.”

With grateful nods, the new mothers left the room.

“Thank you,” Eddie said.

“Yes, thank you.” Nate gave her a sideways hug.

The three men lingered over coffee as Missy did the dishes and the children played nearby.

“Are you done?” She indicated the empty coffee cups.

“Done.” Eddie pushed back his chair as she scooped them up and washed them. “Nate, why don’t I take a look at that broken wheel on your wagon?”

“I’ll help.” Wade followed the men, reaching for his coat on the hook by the door.

Missy planted herself in front of him. “What about our plans?” Had he already forgotten? She could live with being so easily dismissed, but wouldn’t allow it for the children.

His eyebrows headed upward. “We have plans?”

Heat rushed up her neck and pooled in her cheeks. He’d misunderstood, thought she mean the two of them. “An activity for the children?” she managed to choke out.

“Oh, that.” He let out a gust of air.

She narrowed her eyes as she looked at him. Was it so challenging to think of spending time with her? Would she always be a necessary nuisance to others?

Not if she learned to be a secretary and no longer depended on anyone else.