An Unwilling Desire

‘But I am!’

Zack gave her a sceptical look, straightening with a heavy sigh. ‘Tell me something, Holly,’ he gave her a sideways glance. ‘Would James have got the same reaction if he'd been the one to try and kiss you?’

She blanched at the suggestion. ‘Don't be ridiculous!’

Emerald eyes narrowed on her speculatively. ‘What's so ridiculous about it? Or does the fact that he's in a wheelchair set him apart from other men?’

‘The fact that he's married does that!’

‘But unhappily, you have to agree,’ he taunted.

‘James is my employer—–’

‘And you think you're in love with him,’ Zack stated bluntly.

‘No—–’

‘Oh yes, Holly,’ he derided mockingly. ‘Maybe you see yourself as his confidante, his friend. Or maybe it's just his helplessness that appeals to you; whatever the reason, you imagine yourself in love with my brother.’

‘That isn't true!’ Her voice rose angrily. ‘You're wrong,’ she shook her head. ‘Just because I didn't like you kissing me it doesn't mean I'm in love with another man.’

‘Not just any man—James.’

‘No—–’

‘Yes, Holly,’ he insisted. ‘Believe me, if I can see it then so can other people, maybe even James himself.’

‘No …’ Her denial was a choked plea this time.

‘Yes,’ Zack's voice was gentle. ‘And you'll end up being hurt. James and Maxine may be a little mixed up at the moment, but they really love each other very much. You'll be the one left out in the cold in the end.’

‘You're wrong about me.’ She shook her head, backing away from him and making a desperate grab for the doorhandle, all the time shaking her head in sharp denial. ‘You're only saying these things because of your own affair with Maxine. You—–’

‘My what?’ he burst out grimly. ‘Oh, I know you jumped to that conclusion this afternoon, and because your assumption amused me at the time I let you go on thinking it, but you can't seriously still believe it's true,’ he dismissed scathingly.

She had the door open now, poised to take flight at a second's notice. ‘Why not?’ she challenged defensively.

‘James is my brother!’

‘And you obviously feel nothing but contempt for him,’ she accused heatedly. ‘You've mocked his profession, his inability to walk, why not add injury to insult and take his wife from him?’

He was breathing raggedly in an effort to hold on to his own temper, the steely side of his nature much in evidence now, his eyes glacial, his mouth a thin straight line above his clenched jaw. ‘You can really ask me that in all seriousness?’ he finally ground out.

Her chin went up defiantly. ‘Yes.’

‘Get out of here, Holly,’ he told her in a rigidly controlled voice. ‘While you still can,’ he added, dangerously soft, as she made no effort to move.

Some of her confidence deserted her, and for a brief moment she wondered if she could have been wrong about him and Maxine. Then she remembered their closeness tonight, their intimacy with each other. No, she hadn't been wrong about them. But Zack was wrong about her, she didn't love James; she cared for him, yes, but she didn't love any man.

‘I'm going,’ she told him calmly. ‘But don't think I've believed a word you've said. And if Maxine chooses you she's chosen the lesser man,’ she added insultingly.

‘Maxine made her choice years ago,’ Zack bit out. ‘She chose the right man for her.’ He turned away, his earlier injury forgotten. ‘Go to bed, Holly. I think you've pulled enough skeletons out of the cupboard for one night.’

With one last uncertain glance at the rigidity of his back and shoulders as he stared sightlessly out of the window she did as he suggested, closing the door softly behind her. Zack's last words seemed to indicate that there had indeed once been rivalry between the two brothers and that Maxine had chosen James. Or had she? Zack only said she had chosen the right man for her, that didn't necessarily mean James. Could it possibly be that Zack was so derogatory about his brother's disability because it kept the woman he loved tied to her husband?

She sat down shakily on her bed, remembering what else Zack had said. Could she really be in love with James? She hadn't thought she was. She cared what happened to him, was concerned for him, but was that love? She knew so little about the emotion between a man and a woman, although she knew her mother and father had loved each other very much. She herself had stayed away from emotional involvement with men since—since—God, she could still barely stand to think of his name, let alone the man himself!

Alex … Alex Chance. He had hurt her more than any man had the right to hurt any human being, let alone one he professed to love. He was the reason she found it hard to love any man. She doubted if she would ever allow herself to feel those emotions again.

Neither James or Maxine came down to breakfast the next morning, although it was a Saturday, so perhaps that was understandable; James rarely worked on a Saturday, and Maxine was never an early riser. Zack Benedict didn't look as if he was normally the latter either, yawning tiredly as he came into the dining-room shortly after Holly.

She kept her lashes downcast, her gaze fixed on the cup of coffee she held in both hands, although she had noticed everything about him from the brief glance she had given him as he entered the room. He was dressed much the same as he had been when they met yesterday, tight faded denims and a casual shirt, the latter bottle green today, buttoned partly up his chest, the last three buttons left unfastened, as if he had been in too much of a hurry to bother with the rest. In fact he looked as if he had been in too much of a hurry to bother much with his appearance at all this morning, with his golden hair brushed casually back from his face.

‘Damned razor,’ he muttered as he seated himself opposite her.

‘Hm—–?’ Holly understood as she looked up; she had missed the piece of tissue sticking to an obvious cut on his chin the first time she looked at him. Although she shouldn't have done, it was large enough!

After the stilted way they had parted the night before she had been a little wary of how they were going to meet with any politeness today, but at the sight of the bloodied piece of ragged tissue sticking to his chin she had no hesitation in bursting out laughing. She had never imagined she could ever find anything about this man remotely funny, and yet the sight of him showing such a human weakness as cutting himself shaving sent her into uncontrollable laughter.

Green eyes darkened appreciatively as Zack watched her with an emotion akin to amazement. ‘Do you have any idea what a difference it makes?’ he asked at last.

‘Sorry?’ She still smiled.

‘When you laugh it's as if the sun had just come out,’ Zack told her softly. ‘Beautiful.’

She flushed at the unexpected compliment. ‘Do you have any idea how funny you look?’ she brought the subject straight back to him.

He shrugged. ‘Would you rather I'd subjected you to the sight of just the horrific gash and my life's blood slowly seeping away? Forget I asked that,’ he grimaced. ‘You'd probably stand by and cheer!’

Holly sobered completely now. ‘Mr Benedict—–’

‘Let's not start that again,’ he sighed.

‘All right,’ she nodded. ‘Look, I know we got off to a bad start, but if you really are going to stay here for any length of time we can't continue to argue like this.’ She had thought this all out last night before she went to sleep, and if she were to continue in the employment of James's secretary she couldn't continue to be at loggerheads with his brother—even if he did antagonise her until she had to retaliate. Much as she disliked having to be the one to apologise, she knew she couldn't let things remain strained between herself and this arrogantly mocking man. ‘I'm sorry I was rude to you last night. I—It was all a bit of a shock, James and Maxine's argument—–’

‘And then our own,’ he drawled.

She flushed at the taunt. ‘And then ours,’ she acknowledged huskily.

‘Why did you stop?’

‘Stop what?’ She gave him a puzzled frown.

‘Laughing.’ His gaze was intent on her face. ‘It was as if all the lights went out.’ He relaxed back in his chair, the delicate wood creaking under his heavy frame. ‘You're right, Holly, we can't keep arguing all the time,’ he said slowly. ‘So what do you suggest we do, become friends?’

She swallowed hard at the husky implication behind his words. ‘I was thinking more of acquaintances,’ she amended.

Zack grinned. ‘I've never been acquaintances with a woman, it might be quite interesting at that.’ He sipped his coffee, giving her a sideways glance. ‘Don't acquaintances ask after your health?’