Lessons in Love

‘Oh, and that’s an invitation to just stroll right in, is it?’ growled the woman, and then winced.

‘Well, no, obviously but—’

‘So did you close it?’ the woman snapped, and as she did the wince hardened up into a grimace, as she made every effort to sound angry. ‘God, my head hurts. I really didn’t ought to drink,’ she said, rubbing her temples. ‘What do you want?’

‘Well, nothing actually, I just brought your post over,’ Jane said, holding the letters out in front of her like an offering.

Gingerly the woman glanced up and then took them. ‘Thanks.’ And then: ‘But they’re all open,’ she said, turning the envelopes over.

‘Well, yes,’ Jane began. This wasn’t going very well. ‘I know. That’s what I came over to talk to you about, to explain really. You see, they were delivered to my house by accident. My name is Jane Mills, I live in Creswell Road, at number nine, and these are addressed to J. Mills, nine Creswell Close—and I hadn’t got my glasses on—and, and, well, I opened them…’

There was an odd little silence as the woman looked first at the post and then up at Jane.

‘By accident, obviously,’ Jane added in case there was any doubt.

The woman turned the letters over again.

‘But that was all,’ Jane continued hastily. ‘I mean, once I realised they were yours, I didn’t read them, or anything.’

‘Really?’ said her inner policeman. ‘Then how do you explain the fingerprints on the credit card bills and the grudging admiration you have for your victim’s choice in shoes?’

On the deck Ms J. Mills was still turning the letters over. ‘You opened all of them?’ she said.

Jane nodded. ‘Yes, by accident. We’ve got the same name,’ she pulled the badge off her shirt and showed it to her.

The older woman stared blankly at the little square of laminated plastic.

‘I’m sorry,’ Jane continued brightly. ‘It was just a mistake. I thought I’d just pop over and explain…’

‘And my front door was open so you thought you’d just pop in, did you?’

Jane shifted her weight. ‘Well, yes. When I saw that the door was open I worried. It didn’t seem right, the door being open, and I…and I thought something might have happened to you.’ It sounded lame but it was also true.

The woman looked her up and down and then nodded. ‘Oh, something happened all right. Carlo threw a hissy fit and stormed off. Again. He is so tiring, to be perfectly honest I really can’t be bothered any more.’

‘Right,’ said Jane, not quite sure what else to say. She was still trying very hard to keep the lid on her feelings about Steve Burney. ‘Well, I know how much that kind of thing hurts. I’m really sorry.’

‘Don’t be, he was thirty-four, sunbed tan, beautifully capped teeth, body to die for—vainer than any woman I’ve ever met. He used to watch himself performing in the mirrors on the wardrobe doors. I caught him once tilting the dressing-table mirror so he could see his arse in a better light.’ She paused and took a sip from the glass. ‘Nice arse, though.’

Jane looked at her. ‘OK.’ After all what else was there to say?

The other woman nodded awkwardly. ‘Thank you,’ she held out the letters, ‘for bringing these. By the way, my name is Jayne, Jayne Mills,’ she said, and extended her hand.

‘Pleased to meet you,’ Jane smiled. ‘And it’s fine. About the letters, I mean. I just wanted to bring them over, you know. I couldn’t just pop them back into the post really.’

Jane looked at Jayne Mills, who sighed. Then, as if Jane hadn’t spoken, got up and wandered barefoot over the lush grass down towards the lake. Jane wasn’t sure what to do, maybe this was her cue to leave. Although it struck her that maybe Jayne might just keep on walking.

‘Are you sure you’re all right?’ asked Jane, hurrying after her.

The other J. Mills didn’t even look back. ‘Do you ever wonder what you do things for? I’m forty-seven, I’ve worked all my life to get to where I am now, I’ve got a great business, great cars, good holidays, a farmhouse in France, a pied-à-terre in London, and you know what?’

Jane shook her head even though Jayne couldn’t see her.

‘I don’t know why I’m doing it any more. It doesn’t feel right. It feels like I’ve woken up in someone else’s middle age. I’ve worked hard to get something and somehow I think I’ve missed it. Missed the point. I used to feel like every day was a clean sheet—a challenge—you know? Whatever happened to that feeling? I haven’t had a relationship that’s worked in twenty years. I’ve got no children, no family except for my little brother, and I haven’t seen him in God knows how long. There’s only Augustus.’ She looked back at the cat, who was now sunning himself on the deck and licking his crotch. ‘And let’s be honest, he really only wants me because he can’t undo the cans himself.’

This wasn’t quite the conversation Jane had been expecting at all. She had no idea what to say. ‘You’ve got a beautiful house,’ was the best she could come up with.

The woman looked at Jane as if she had only just realised she was still there.

‘Yes, but it doesn’t mean anything. Don’t you ever think that sometimes it would be nice to just step away from everything? Just walk away from what you’ve got and have another life? A different life—start over. Mind you, you’re young, you probably haven’t got that far.’

Jane, trying hard not to think about Steve and how much that hurt, said thickly, ‘Well, yes, sometimes. Doesn’t everybody? I don’t think it’s got anything to do with age. But then again we have to play the hand we’re dealt, don’t we?’

Jayne smiled. ‘If I believed that I would just keep walking straight into the lake. There has to be a way. There is always a way. What did you say your name was again?’

‘Jane Mills.’

Jayne Mills laughed. ‘Oh, yes, of course—sorry. It was good of you to bring the letters over. Thank you.’ She turned away, and Jane thought now really was the moment to leave.

‘Close the door on the way out, would you, please? It’s my housekeeper’s weekend off,’ said Jayne, her back turned.

Jane drove home thinking about her namesake. How could her life be that bad?

As she got to Creswell Road Jane slowed down, looking for somewhere to park. It seemed a terrible shame that all those wonderful things—lots of money, cars, a housekeeper and a fantastic home—didn’t really seem to help, although surely it had to be better to be unhappy and rich than unhappy and—

At which point Gladstone stepped out from behind a skip. He was wearing a grimy pink feather boa over his usual raincoat and multiple jumper ensemble and was clutching a Harrods carrier bag that looked as if it was crammed full of wire coat hangers. His face was a picture of contentment. Jane sighed. Maybe happiness was a simpler thing than everyone thought.

Chapter Two (#ufe6c8ad8-940d-5bc4-bcc6-aea37d250520)

‘Ah, Jane, there you are. Do come in. Thanks for coming down. Nice to see you. If you’d just like to take a seat.’ The first floor of the new library was dedicated to Human Resources. It said so on a shiny brass plaque as you stepped out of the lift.

Mrs Findlay waved Jane into her office. Just inside the door a large tank of tropical fish basked and bubbled under the glow of a daylight strip lamp.

Mrs Findlay was a plump woman in late middle age, who wore various pairs of spectacles on a tangle of chains around her lard-white neck, had an office full of begonias, and was something big in internal human resources, which always sounded a bit medical and slightly unsavoury to Jane.

‘Well, here we are then,’ said Mrs Findlay brightly, easing herself in behind the desk and settling herself down. ‘Now, as I’m sure you’re aware recently we’ve been looking at ways to restructure and improve our current levels of service. And I think we are developing some exciting strategies to meet that challenge.’ She had a file with Jane’s name on it spread out across the desk. ‘I’ve been looking at the projects you’ve been involved in since you began working with us here at Buckbourne and some of the things you’ve initiated—and I have to say it’s all terribly impressive.’ Mrs Findlay smiled warmly. ‘A lot of very intriguing and innovative ideas, Jane, lots of outreach to take library services into the wider community, identifying and targeting groups with special needs, good use of resources, coming in under budget, as I said, this is very impressive, just the kind of thing we want to encourage, which is why…’

It was the following Monday morning and it felt to Jane as if she had just survived the longest weekend of her life. It was the second weekend since Steven Burney Day—13 days 19 hours and 11 minutes since Lucy had just popped in to her office to tell her all about Steve. The first weekend Jane had been so stunned she could barely remember it. Barely breathe. It felt like one great red raw emotional blur. But this one, the first one out of the fire and into reality, had been interminable, even given the trip over to Creswell Close to deliver the post. In quiet moments Jane reran the last conversation she had had with Steve, phrase by phrase, syllable by syllable.

He had turned up at her house after she rang him. He’d brought flowers and a balloon and some ridiculous card shop bear that had, ‘Pwease don’t be cross wiv lickle me,’ embroidered across its T-shirt.

Now, as Steve filled her mind Mrs Findlay’s voice faded to a distant drone.

‘Jane, I’m so sorry, the thing is, it really wasn’t my fault,’ Steve had said. ‘Please don’t look at me like that. We were both a little bit tipsy. I didn’t mean it to happen. Really. Lucy and I had been talking about the new strategic county policy document and I suggested a glass of wine. Neither of us had eaten. It could have happened to anyone. I know that is no excuse but I’d been on tablets as well—you remember, I’d had that nasty cold. And she was, well, you know Lucy—she’s a lovely girl but…We started talking about life and all that stuff and…and, well, it just happened. Let’s be adult about this. It was nothing. You have to believe me, Jane. We all make mistakes. It was a moment of madness. And I’m really sorry.’ Steve looked down at his nice shiny shoes, the very epitome of contrition. ‘Trust me, sweetie, it was an accident.’

‘So you’re telling me that your clothes accidentally fell off and by some miracle not seen since the days of the Old Testament, Lucy Stroud was instantly covered in Greek yogurt, chocolate sauce and strawberries?’

‘Ah…’