“It’s freezing out there.”
“And I’m sure I’ll survive.”
Olivia decided to let him go. The aftereffects of his brain injury had become apparent to her even in the short time they’d spent together today. His mood could shift in the blink of an eye. He often jumbled his words, which put him even more on edge. Will had never been the type to accept his imperfections, and she could see that it wore on him. So she understood why he would prefer to be alone.
Olivia held her breath as he leaned over the table and brushed a kiss across her cheek. But this time, he didn’t take the opportunity for more. “Take care,” he murmured.
She watched as he walked out the door, then disappeared down the dark street. There were moments when he seemed more like a ghost than a real man. She could just barely detect the Will she’d once known, but he was a strange, vague being that could suddenly vaporize in front of her eyes.
The emotions surging up inside her were hard to describe. They were so twisted with regret and guilt that Olivia wasn’t sure whether it was affection or pity that drove her forward. How could she keep her distance when he needed her? It was her duty as a physician—and a friend—to help him heal. And maybe then she’d be able to let him, and the guilt, go.
* * *
“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” Elly said when he entered the restaurant. “I’ve been worried. You can’t just wander off like that, Will. You don’t have a car and it’s bitter cold. I was about to call the police.”
“I’m not a goddamn child,” Will shot back, rubbing the ache in his temple. “I am perfectly capable of caring for myself, so just chill the hell out.”
Elly, her husband, Jim, and their two boys stared up at him, wide-eyed, their pizza dinner spread out on the table in front of them.
Will glanced around the small pizzeria, suddenly realizing that he’d been a bit too loud in his response. His first instinct had been to react defensively. But everyone in the place was watching him now, wondering what was going on. The place was too crowded, the patrons too close. He mentally calculated the fastest path to the door, then gritted his teeth. It took every ounce of his patience to remain calm and rational. She had a right to be worried.
“Sorry,” he murmured. “I shouldn’t have used language like that. Kyle, Nate, it was wrong.”
Nathan, the five-year-old, nodded. “At least you didn’t use the F word. That one is the worst.”
Kyle nodded in agreement. “Worse than the S word.”
“Daddy says the S word all the time,” Nate countered. “It just means poop.”
“We don’t need a rundown on naughty words,” Elly said, switching her attention to her sons as she refilled their drinks from a plastic pitcher of cola. “You could have called, Will. I’ve been trying your cell phone, but you didn’t pick up.”
“I left the cell phone back at the cabin,” Will explained.
“You should always keep that with you,” she scolded. “I gave it to you to use in case of emergency. How hard is it to put it in your pocket?”
“You’re right,” he said, his jaw tight. “I’ll try to remember next time. Sorry. Mom.”
This brought a round of giggles from Kyle and Nathan. “She’s not your mom,” Nate said. “She’s our mom.”
“Sometimes she feels like my mom,” Will said.
Elly studied him for a long moment, clearly unnerved by his comment. “Were you with Olivia all this time?”
To Will’s surprise, her question didn’t anger him at all. There was no flood of temper or defensive reaction. “No,” Will lied. There was also no point in getting Elly’s hopes up. He didn’t need her constant meddling. Elly had always been of the opinion that he and Olivia were destined to be together. “I was just walking around town.”
“Well, sit down and have something to eat,” she said.
“I’m not hungry. Can I have the keys to your car? I want to go back to the cabin.”
“Sit down and have some dinner. I’ll drive you to the cabin after you eat.”
“No,” he insisted, shaking his head. “I have to get back now.”
“You’re not supposed to drive.”
“I’m not supposed to, but I can.” Will held out his hand. “Please. I’ll return it tomorrow. Early. I promise.”
“No, I’m not going to—”
“Give him the keys, El,” Jim said softly. “He knows whether or not he can drive.”
She glared at her husband. “But he—”
“Give him the keys. It’ll be all right.”
Will sent his brother-in-law a grateful look.
“I’ve got to do an estimate out that way in the morning,” Jim continued. “I can pick the car up. I’ll have one of my guys drive me out.”
“What about school?” Elly said.
“I’ll leave late and take the boys.”
She glanced back and forth between her husband and Will. Finally, with a muttered protest, she grabbed the keys from her pocket and held them out to Will. “Be careful,” she warned. “You’re not used to driving in snow.”
“There’s snow in Afghanistan,” he said. She fixed her gaze on him, a slow, simmering glare that he’d seen when she’d reached the end of her rope with Kyle and Nathan. “I’ll be very careful.”
Will turned and strode to the door. He found the battered Jeep Cherokee parked in the side lot, the windows covered with snow. He used his sleeve to clear them, then hopped in behind the wheel. Bracing his hands on the wheel, he took a deep breath before flicking the ignition.
Fear pricked at his determination. It had been over four months since the accident. His ability to do everyday tasks was slowly returning. But was he ready for this?
Will put the SUV into gear and reversed out of the parking spot, then headed to the street. Between the swirling snow and the streetlights, visibility wasn’t ideal. Everything seemed to have a strange, wavering halo around it. Focusing on the road in front of him, Will headed toward the highway and the route back to his cabin.
In his mind, he replayed the events of that evening. It seemed like a dream, as if he’d imagined seeing Liv again. But then he remembered the kiss—the way her mouth tasted, how her face felt beneath his fingertips. She was everything pure and simple and beautiful. And she was the antidote to all his fears and insecurities.
Had she been any other woman, he would have taken what he wanted and then walked away. But he cared about Liv and he wasn’t about to take advantage of her sweet and generous nature.
Besides, the last thing he needed to do was fall in love with her all over again. Especially if there was no possibility that she’d return the sentiment.
By the time he reached the road to the lake, the snow had stopped and the moon was visible in the night sky. Will turned toward the boat ramp, steering the SUV out onto the ice. The shadowy hulks of ice-fishing shacks loomed in the narrow beams of the headlights.
He put the SUV into Park and stepped out onto the ice. The wind was still sharp, biting at his face as he looked up into the star-filled sky. How many times had he stood in a desolate spot in the Afghan countryside and done this very thing, trying to imagine home and the people who waited for him there?
He’d avoided this place for so many years. Though he’d taken leave occasionally, he’d never once gone home. He’d learned to push his fear aside while defusing bombs, and yet he’d been a coward when it came to facing his personal life.
How much longer could he go on like this? What if he wasn’t cleared to return to active duty? What if that IED had ended his military career? He’d have to make a life for himself somewhere, among normal people.
Clenching his fists, Will tipped his face to the sky and screamed as loud as he could. The wind swallowed the sound before it could echo. Frustrated, Will spun and slammed his fists against the driver’s-side door.