Josephine Cox Sunday Times Bestsellers Collection

And he did, for though his illness was a terrible threat hanging over all of them, he saw little Mary when she began toddling, and when she gurgled her first word it was for him alone. ‘LUCY! …’ One fine morning, Barney greeted Lucy from the garden with tears in his eyes. ‘She called me … “Daddy”.’ It was one of the most beautiful moments in his life, and Lucy thanked the good Lord for His mercy in letting Barney live long enough to experience the joy of it all.

But on Mary’s second birthday, Barney took a turn for the worse. Confined to his bed for a week, he had time to consider his future, and that of his daughter and Lucy. ‘It’s time to leave here,’ he told Lucy one evening when they sat by the fire. ‘I don’t want Mary to know what happened to Vicky and the family. I don’t want her to think me some kind of monster to have sent them away without me. I made them hate me, Lucy, I made them think I was a drunk and a womaniser. What kind of thing is that for our daughter to hear? And hear it she will, because I’m certain everyone round here must know the truth. As soon as she can understand, Mary will hear it, and I don’t want that. D’you hear me, sweetheart? I don’t want her to know until she’s old enough to understand the tittle-tattle and to be able to forgive me for it!’

Lucy gently replied, ‘I’ll tell her when the time is right. I’ll tell her what a courageous and wonderful thing you did for love of your family. She’ll understand.’

‘But I want us to move, Lucy,’ he pleaded. ‘I know it’s the right thing for Mary.’ Barney could not be dissuaded, and when she gave it more thought, Lucy could see the wisdom of his reasoning. So, she spoke to agents and even wrote away as far as Bedfordshire.

Before Mary’s third birthday, the cottage was sold. The same businessman who bought Leonard’s farm wanted it to extend and then sell on with a minimum of five acres of pasture-land. He had competition from another source, and between them they sent the price up, enough for Barney and Lucy to secure a sizeable property further afield.

It wasn’t long before her efforts paid off. She got news of a house some two hundred miles away in a small hamlet near the town of Bedford.

The house was of some substance, a ‘proud and beautiful woman past her best’ was how it had been described to her. Apparently the house had stood empty for many years and had gradually fallen into disrepair. Consequently it was going cheap for anyone who had the heart to bring it back to its former glory, and if not, then it was still habitable, with no apparent structural defects.

Because the journey would be too arduous for Barney, Lucy went with Adam to view the house. She fell instantly in love with it. There was also a small house in the grounds, that too brought to its knees by neglect and the elements. ‘If I move with you and Barney, I could set up a business in the village.’ Adam grew excited. ‘Meantime, I could work on the house. I’m not a builder, but I do know how to use my hands.’ The truth was, he could not bear the thought of being so far away from Lucy in her hour of need, especially when Barney’s health seemed to be failing fast.

In truth, Lucy had seen Barney’s health deteriorate so much of late, that even though he fervently assured her to the contrary, she feared he might not be strong enough for the move.

On Lucy’s return, she thanked Bridget who had kindly stayed at the cottage with Barney while Lucy travelled south to view the house. ‘So, what did you think of it?’ Bridget was excited, though she would miss her dear friend. ‘Was it as grand as they said?’

Lucy described the house in detail, its strong Edwardian features, the high ceilings and panelled walls, the long windows with panoramic views across open countryside. ‘It could be beautiful,’ Lucy told her. ‘But it does need a lot of work, though Adam has come up with an idea.’

When Adam explained it to Barney, he was thrilled. ‘That would be good,’ he told him. ‘I’ve been so concerned about Lucy and the child. I could rest easy if I knew you’d be around to keep an eye on things.’

So the deal was done and plans were quickly underway.

In a few weeks’ time Barney, Lucy, Adam and Mary were away to pastures new; though for Barney it would never be a long adventure; they all knew that.

Part 4 (#ulink_b7d5c951-fe8f-599f-9bde-f29ab7c7a449) Back to January, 1952 Mary and Ben

Chapter 21 (#ulink_110bd823-adcf-571b-b32d-aa8f3c122f7b)

WHILE LUCY SLEPT upstairs, Adam Chives sat by the fire in Knudsden House, his mind going back over the years, and his heart both proud and sad. ‘Barney and your mother lived in that cottage together for more than two years,’ he told Mary, while Ben listened. ‘The doctors had given him a year at the most, but Lucy brought him a degree of peace, and after a time they made a life together.’ He smiled wistfully at the memory, for he had loved Lucy as much as she loved Barney. ‘To this day, she has never stopped loving him.’

‘You were born out of that love, Mary.’ Lucy’s quiet voice filled the room. ‘You’re so much like your father. You have the same beautiful eyes and the same gentle ways.’

‘Lucy!’ Adam was horrified. ‘Dr Nolan said you were to stay in bed.’

‘Nonsense, I’m perfectly all right,’ she argued. ‘There is nothing wrong with me, and I’m far from in my dotage, for heaven’s sake! Doctors don’t know everything. I’ve simply been overdoing it, that’s all.’

Hobbling but determined, she came into the room where she stood beside Adam, her hand resting on his shoulder and her gaze bathing every inch of her daughter’s face. ‘Every time I look at you, I see Barney.’

Adam looked at Mary and he, too, saw Barney in her every feature – softer and more feminine, yes – but strong and handsome too.

‘I was there when you were born,’ Adam said fondly. ‘I waited in the sitting room with your father, while Dr Lucas was upstairs bringing you into the world. When he heard your first cry, Barney went up those stairs like he was born all over again. He took you in his arms and oh, he was such a proud, happy man.’

When Adam laid his hand over Lucy’s, she hardly noticed, though deep down she derived a measure of comfort from his touch.

Deeply moved by everything she had heard, Mary went to Lucy and taking her mother gently over to the armchair, she sat her down. ‘I never knew,’ she said. ‘I never dreamed that was the secret you kept from me all these years.’ She had learned more about her father and her own background in one evening, than in all the years she was growing up. There was so much to think about. The revelation that she had three half-siblings in America, plus the sorrowful knowledge that her half-brother Jamie had died before her, was a huge shock to her system, and she knew that it would take a long, long time to come to terms with everything she had learned tonight.

Lucy was glad that Adam had chosen to tell the truth. ‘It’s been such a burden all this time,’ she admitted now. ‘But I gave my promise, d’you see? I gave my promise and I could never break it.’

Adam reassured her. ‘You didn’t break it,’ he reminded her. ‘It was me who thought Mary should be told. I’ve always thought it was her right to know.’

Lucy smiled. ‘So you thought you’d tittle-tattle while I was laid up, did you?’

‘I’m not sorry the truth is out,’ he said stoutly. ‘I’m only sorry if I’ve upset you.’

Lucy sighed. ‘You did right, my old friend. You did right.’ She turned to address Ben, who had been mesmerised by the whole story. ‘What do you think of my darling Barney?’ she asked. ‘Do you think he was right in what he did?’

Lucy was testing him. In Ben she had seen something akin to Barney, but she needed reassuring.

Ben considered her question, and when he gave his answer, he gave it with a sense of wonder. ‘In all my life, I’ve never heard of such a man,’ he said. ‘What he did was incredible. For the sake of his loved ones, he belittled and punished himself beyond endurance. I understand now what the inscription means. “He made the greatest sacrifice of all.” ’

Lucy asked him another question. ‘In those circumstances, would you have done the same?’

Ben smiled inwardly. Already, because of what Adam had told of Lucy’s strength of character, and because he had witnessed it for himself from the moment they met, Ben knew he was being tested, and he suspected her view of him would hinge on the kind of answer he gave.

‘Well, young man?’ As was her way, Lucy grew impatient.

Ben considered the question again, and when he answered it was as straight an answer as he could give. ‘Any man would be prepared to do whatever was in his power to protect his loved ones,’ he told her, ‘but like a grain of sand or a drop of rain, each man is different. A man will be judged on his merit. Barney Davidson is the kind of man every other man would want to be, but I’m not Barney, nor could I ever be. All the same, I would hope that, given the same circumstances, I might find the courage and fortitude to do what he did. Other than that, I can’t say.’

There was a moment while they reflected on his words, before Mary asked of her mother, ‘What happened to my father? How did it end?’

Lucy gave a whimsical smile. ‘It ended the way we always thought it might end,’ she said. ‘It was the most beautiful summer’s evening. We were sitting in the garden watching the sun go down, when Barney turned to me and told me how much he had come to love me … but that he could never love me in the same way that he loved Vicky. She had been his life, while I had become his life, that’s what he said.’

Lucy thought about Barney’s words, just as she had done on that memorable night. ‘I often wondered about that,’ she said. ‘I thought it a strange thing for him to say, and for a time I couldn’t understand his meaning.’

Looking up at Mary, she took hold of her hand. ‘After a while, I did understand. What he meant was that he and Vicky had grown together, learned together and knew each other’s very thoughts …’

She paused. ‘With me it was different. When Barney and I met, I simply became part of the family that was already Barney’s; I was an outsider coming in. But then suddenly it was just the two of us, and we learned to know and love each other. Like Ben said just now, he could not be Barney … any more than I could be Vicky. We’re all different and we touch each other’s lives in different ways. But love is love, no matter which way you look at it.

‘Thank you,’ she said gravely, and he knew he had passed the test. ‘Love is love, and that’s what we had, me and Barney. We had such love to share, just talking and laughing and simply being together. And if I never have another day of contentment, I had more happiness in those years with Barney, than most women have in a lifetime.’

Suddenly, Lucy shivered. ‘I’m tired now, my darling,’ she told her daughter. ‘Take me back to my bed?’

Mary took her upstairs and when Lucy was made comfortable, the young woman asked, ‘Did you ever hear from Vicky, or the family?’

Lucy shook her head. ‘No, never.’ Fearing that Mary had too many questions to which she might not have the answers, Lucy told her, ‘For reasons I hope you now understand, Barney did not want them to know about you.’

‘So I have two brothers and a sister I may never see?’ Though Mary had been deeply touched by the story of her father, she felt cheated somehow, filled with all kinds of regrets, regrets that she had never known him, and regrets that she was never told the truth. But now she knew it all, and it was as though a cloud was lifted from over her head. But what of the rest of her family?

‘Will I ever meet them – Thomas and Ronnie, and my sister Susie?’

Lucy was not ready for this. ‘Leave me now, love,’ she said. ‘Let me sleep.’

Quietly, Mary left. Tomorrow, when her mother was rested, she would ask again. And she would keep on asking, until Lucy agreed to reunite her with the family she had never known.

It was much later that Adam tapped on Lucy’s bedroom door to check on her. Ben had gone home and Mary was in bed. Lucy herself was sitting up in bed, awake but at peace with herself.