Josephine Cox 3-Book Collection 2: The Loner, Born Bad, Three Letters

‘Sometimes at night, when I can’t sleep, he comes strong to my mind.’ Joseph spoke his thoughts aloud. ‘I worry about him all the time. Where did he go from here? Did he stay safe? And if he is safe, why did he never get in touch?’ He gave an odd little shiver. ‘I have to think that he made it somewhere safe. I can’t let myself believe he did anything silly, or that he came to harm in some way or another. Y’see, if I let myself think that way, it would take away my hope and finish me altogether.’

The girl understood what he was saying, because didn’t she feel the very same way?

‘Joseph?’

He took a sip of his tea. ‘Yes, my dearie?’

‘Will Don ever go after him, d’you think?’

‘Aye, lass, one o’ these fine days he’ll go after him, when he’s good and ready.’ He took another sip of his tea. ‘Mind you, he’s already been to the authorities … trying to stir them into re-opening the search. The trouble is, it’s been five years and more since Davie ran off. He were nobbut a young kid then, but now he’s going on nineteen, and that does mek a difference. They tried to convince Don that Davie didn’t want to be found – not then and not now. An’ of course, it’s no crime to leave home, is it, pet?’

‘And do you believe that, about him not wanting to be found?’ She had thought along those lines herself.

‘I’m not sure what to believe,’ he answered thoughtfully. ‘Time and again I’ve tried to put myself in his shoes and think what I might have done.’

‘And would you have made a new life away from here? Would you never want to come back?’

‘Happen I would … happen I wouldn’t. All I know is this: if my father walked out on me, and my grandfather threw me out on the streets, I don’t know as I could ever forgive them. And then to have his mammy die in his arms …’ Joseph’s heart broke as he thought of what Davie must have gone through that night. ‘Dear God, lass, what a terrible thing for a young lad to bear.’

For a time his words weighed heavy in the air, and in the silence, the two of them were carried back to that awful night when all of their lives had been changed for ever.

‘Don is desperate to find him.’ Joseph broke the silence. ‘He’s had a bad time himself, since he found out what happened. He’s had no peace … terrible nightmares, pacing the floor unable to sleep. When he’s done with work, he’s out on the streets at all hours, asking after Davie, talking to anyone who might listen – showing them a description of his lad, asking if they’ve seen him. Or whether they have heard of a boy on his own. But no one has, or if they have, they’re not saying.’

‘So he hasn’t been able to find out anything?’

‘Nothing whatsoever.’ Joseph took in a deep, long breath. ‘It’s as if our Davie’s fallen off the edge of the world.’

‘So, what will Don do next?’

‘Oh, he’ll still go after him.’ Joseph had no doubts about it. ‘But he needs to build his strength up first. He needs to sleep regular and feel settled inside, afore he sets off scouring the country looking hither and yon.’ Leaning forward, the old man confided in Judy, ‘There were times soon after he came back, when I feared he was losing his mind. He woke me in the early hours, chiding himself, talking to Davie, pleading with Rita … asking their forgiveness. He’s still driving himself too hard, still blaming himself. I’ve told him: Rita had enough warnings and never once showed any remorse – not till it were too late, anyway! Any other man would have walked out on her years back, but my son-in-law won’t have it. He misses her so much, is grieving so badly. And then he works all hours, hellbent on saving enough money so’s he can take time off work and go after his lad. He’s worried about me an’ all – says as how he has to make sure I don’t go without while he’s away. An’ even now, after he’s done his work and had a bite to eat, he’s off till midnight, travelling miles on his old pushbike, asking the same questions: “Have you seen my son? Is there news of a young man on his own?”’

He paused a moment. ‘I tell him to take it easy, to give himself time to breathe. But he doesn’t know how to.’

Now that old Joe had given her the full picture, Judy was shocked. She had had no idea the situation was that bad. ‘Wouldn’t it be best if he went looking for Davie now,’ she asked timidly. ‘He could find work along the way, and could send you money every week, couldn’t he?’

‘I suggested that, lass, but he’s got a first-class job here in Blackburn, and he’s already building a little stash of money to see him through. A few more months, he said, and he’ll be ready to leave.’

‘I suppose he’s right.’ The girl could see the sense of it. ‘Besides, Davie’s been gone for so long, I expect his dad’s thinking a few more months won’t make any difference.’

‘That’s exactly right, lass. But still, he’s like a cat on hot bricks. If he doesn’t get his rest and stop blaming himself, he’ll go under – and then where will we be, eh?’

He knew from first hand how guilty Don felt – for didn’t he feel the same way, too? He wished there was more he could do to help him, but there wasn’t. ‘Much as I love Davie, I have to accept that he is Don’s son and not mine. So I’ve come to the conclusion, it’s best to leave Don be and let him do it his way. He has a fair-enough plan worked out, and it’s only right that he should do as he thinks best.’

‘So, when does he think he’ll be able to go in search of Davie?’

‘Like I say, he reckons on a few months. So what I think is, he’ll work right through the winter until next spring, and then he’ll up sticks and be off. I’ll be lonely when he’s gone, I can tell you that, lass. But if he’s got Davie alongside him when he comes back, it’ll be worth every minute I spend on my own.’ He chuckled with delight. ‘By! The day I see yon Don walking up the street with our Davie beside him, it’ll be a sight for sore eyes, that it will.’

‘Oh, Joseph, that would be so wonderful,’ Judy murmured, her voice shaking with emotion. ‘The best day of all.’ She suddenly remembered her mam’s message. ‘Oh, and Joseph – Mam said you and Don were welcome to come round to supper tonight.’

‘Tell your mammy she’s a good kind lady, and I’d be there like a shot if I hadn’t said I’d play cards with Elsie from the corner shop. Don will be off on his wanderings after an extra shift at the workshop today. So that’s neither of us can come an’ taste your mam’s cooking. You just give her our kindest regards, love.’

Before she left to go on to Annie’s, Judy gave Joseph a kiss on his leathery cheek. ‘Take care of yourself,’ she said. ‘I’ll come and visit again, if that’s all right?’

‘Goes without saying,’ he assured her. ‘The very sight of you in this house does my heart good. And happen the next time you come by, there’ll be news of our Davie, eh?’ He walked her to the door, where he gave her a hug. ‘Don’t you be a stranger now.’

‘I won’t.’

He watched her start off then he returned to his parlour and his armchair, and the dream of having his family all together under the one roof. ‘God bless and forgive you, Rita,’ he prayed. ‘I can’t stay angry with you, not when I know the fault started long ago, when you were little, and your wayward mammy was the worst example you could have had.’ He nodded off, thinking of his beautiful Marie, and remembering her sitting up in bed, holding their newborn daughter in her arms. And for these precious minutes, his world was full of light.

Chapter Fifteen (#ulink_e091b887-fc63-568a-9f55-3352dbba0d9a)

JUDY WAS HALFWAY down Derwent Street when she heard her name being called. ‘Hey, Judy! Hang on a minute!’ It was Lenny. Panting, he caught up with her. ‘Been to see Joseph, have you?’ Coming out of the door to see her there was a lovely surprise. He, Annie and Judy were all the best of friends. Annie was always much calmer in Lenny’s company, and Judy herself loved the straightforward and humorous nature of him. They all looked out for each other, and it was great.

As they walked on together, the girl told him what Joseph had said. ‘Don is in a bit of a state,’ she said.

‘So I gather,’ Lenny answered. ‘I sat on the step with Joseph the other day, and he told me how Don took it real bad about Rita and his son. From what I understand, he blames himself for what happened.’

‘I expect it will be a long time before he comes to terms with the death of Rita,’ Judy commented sadly. ‘We’ve had five years to get used to what happened, but it’s all quite fresh for him, poor man.’

‘You’re right,’ Lenny said. ‘But when he’s saved enough to carry them through, he’ll take off after Davie. By that time, things won’t be so raw, and Don will have a clearer mind.’

Judy felt content in Lenny’s company. He was so kind and sensible. ‘How’s your business going?’ she asked.

‘Really well.’ He smiled down at her. ‘I’m hoping to complete on the shop soon. It’s taken me ages to get the deposit, but the bank are helping me.’

Judy was pleased for him. ‘Davie always said you’d go up in the world.’

‘And what about you?’

‘What d’you mean?’

‘Did you think I’d go up in the world?’

‘Of course. Everyone did.’ She was utterly sincere, and his heart swelled with pride.

‘Oh, Judy,’ he burst out. ‘I’ve got such plans. And Annie, you know, she’s such a help. She works so hard, harder than any man, and all the customers love her. With her at my side, I’ll be unstoppable! Before I’m done, I mean to have a chain of shops in every major town. I’ll buy a big house on Preston New Road and fill it with beautiful furniture – made by Don.’ And it would be all for her, he thought, if only he could make her love him.

Judy was so happy for him. ‘You’ll do whatever you set out to do,’ she encouraged. ‘I just know it.’

‘Oh, and I’d love to see the world later on, see what it has to offer. I could put some responsible manager – Annie, if she’s agreeable – in charge of my shops and take off for a whole year.’

‘You might be lonely.’ Judy had always seen Lenny as a shrewd, natural businessman. But he was homegrown and proud of his town and, as far as she knew, he had never strayed outside of Lancashire.

Summoning every ounce of his courage, Lenny took her by the arm and gently drew her aside. ‘I wouldn’t be lonely if you were with me.’

Taken aback, the girl was momentarily lost for words.

‘I love you,’ he whispered urgently. ‘I’ve always loved you.’