Songbird

Pacing the floor, she could not rid herself of all these doubts and fears, until eventually, her instincts decided for her. Making herself believe that Alice would understand, she came to a decision. ‘I’ll play him at his own game,’ she decided. ‘I’ll turn up tonight as usual, wear a gown to knock him out, and go onstage as though nothing has happened. Steve will come round to my way of thinking. I know he will.’

Her spirits uplifted, Maddy ran a hot bath and soaked in it for a time, until her thoughts were formulated and her wounds soothed.

After towel-drying her long hair, she then let it fall into its natural wave. She applied more antiseptic cream to her cuts, wincing as she rubbed it in, then quickly dressed in the clothes she had worn the previous day.

After making sure everything was secure, she put on her coat and left, deciding to catch a tube down to Clapham Common station and walk the rest of the way to the Battersea flat to get some fresh air.

If all goes well, I should be travelling back to the flat with Steve tonight, she thought, but she remained apprehensive. After all, she had learned the hard way how easily he could lose control.

The journey across town seemed to take forever. She felt oddly isolated and unsure of herself, and wondered if the confrontation with Steve had affected her more than she realised. Thankfully, by the time she had walked to the flat from the tube station, her confidence had grown.

Her key went into the lock easily, much to her relief. At least he hadn’t had the locks changed. That must mean something. Perhaps he had had time to think, and was regretting what he had done. The thought of making up brought a smile to her face.

The flat was a credit to her – though, as he enjoyed reminding her, the money she’d spent on making it both smart and cosy had been Steve Drayton’s, not hers.

The cream-coloured carpet was of finest wool, as were the many different-coloured rugs laid throughout. The elegant navy and cream colour scheme varied from room to room; creating an effect that was unifying yet individual.

The leather settee and chairs set around a large fireplace in the lounge were warm and squashy, with a scattering of oversize cushions. The whole place was stamped with Maddy’s friendly and open personality, though with a discreet dash of elegance.

Encouraged by the fact that Steve had not changed the locks or thrown out her things, Maddy made her way to the bedroom and went straight to his wardrobe. Throwing open the doors, she stood a moment observing the expensive tailored suits hanging there. She roved her hands over them. ‘Are you really as bad as Alice says?’ she murmured. ‘Would you really turn your back on your own flesh and blood?’ She persuaded herself that somehow, she would make him love the child she carried inside her.

For herself, she laid out fresh lingerie, along with a smart cream-coloured shirt with stand-up collar; then a short brown skirt and matching fitted jacket. Next she fished out her silk stockings and high-heeled cream-coloured shoes. Although the skirt was rather tight, since her tummy was acquiring a rounded shape, she looked very fresh and pretty in the outfit.

Almost ready, she sat at the dressing-table and skilfully applied foundation to her face, hiding the scratches. Eye-shadow and mascara followed, then a touch of coffee-coloured lipstick and a generous spray of lightly scented perfume.

She gave her hair a final brushing, then checked herself in the full-length mirror. ‘Right, my girl!’ The merest smile lit her face. ‘You’re about as ready as you’ll ever be.’

For the first time today, she felt good. It was off to the shops now, to find the ultimate glamorous outfit, with maybe an extra-long split to show off her legs and avert people’s eyes from her midriff. Or a low top to show off the bits of herself that he hadn’t marked. The smile fell from her face as she recalled his vicious attack on her. How could she risk her safety, and that of their child, with such an unpredictable man? When he fell into one of his rages, Steve Drayton became a monster.

Being Saturday, the Underground was busier than usual, the pavements heavy with people, and the Oxford Street shops full to bursting. At every pedestrian-crossing, there was a long wait before the road was clear.

‘I hate coming into London on a Saturday,’ said a grey-haired woman, who was almost lifted off her feet when a gaggle of girls came rushing past. ‘I can’t stand all this pushing and shoving!’

Taking the pensioner by the arm, Maddy helped her across the road, to receive the loveliest smile for her trouble. ‘I’m glad not all young people are loud and selfish,’ the woman said, ambling away with a tut and a grumble.

Maddy headed straight for Liberty’s on Regent Street. They had such fabulous evening wear there, suitable for showbiz.

‘I want to open Steve’s eyes and make him see what he might be losing,’ she told herself. ‘No more pink ladies. I’m going to get a fiery red dress! Yes, that’s it – I’ll go for red and be a scarlet woman instead.’

The saleslady looked at Maddy, at her voluminous golden-brown hair and her striking dark eyes, and said, ‘Oh no, my dear! Not red. With your colouring, you should wear the palest ivory.’

Maddy was amazed. ‘I’ve never even considered wearing ivory,’ she confessed. ‘I’ve always thought that it would make me look washed out.’

The woman persuaded her to give it a try.

The first dress she put on was nipped in at the waist and full-skirted. ‘No, it’s definitely not me.’ Maddy was unhappy with the style, but amazed by how flattering the colour was.

The second one was straight-skirted and fitting, but the neck was high and the sleeves too full.

The third was stunning – low-cut at the top, but with straps instead of sleeves. ‘Good heavens, what on earth did you do to your arms?’ The woman was shocked by the bruises.

Maddy stammered an excuse, and returned to the cubicle where, both disappointed and embarrassed, she began quickly dressing to cover up the bruises where Steve had gripped her last night.

She was reaching for her blouse when there came a knock on the cubicle door. ‘My dear, I’ve found a dress I think you really should try.’ The door inched open and an arm reached through, over which hung the loveliest-looking gown. ‘You looked wonderful in the ivory,’ the saleslady explained, ‘so I went away and searched through another batch of stock that’s just arrived from Italy. This one is absolutely right for you … trust me.’

Suspecting the woman was trying hard to make a sale, Maddy agreed to try it anyway.

Five minutes later, she emerged from the cubicle, looking a million dollars.

‘Oh my dear!’ The woman’s mouth fell open. ‘I knew it was the one for you!’

The ivory-coloured dress was plain and elegant; with long, slim sleeves, small silk-covered buttons at the cuffs, it hung exquisitely. In fact, it could have been made for her.

‘It simply flows over you!’ The attendant was delighted. ‘And the ivory … so beautiful.’

Maddy was pleased to note the discreet split in the skirt, running down the left side from thigh to hem, which opened only when she stepped one leg forward. The punters at the Pink Lady adored it when she wore something a little bit sexy but still ladylike.

Wondering what Steve might say, she looked at herself in the long mirror. Against the ivory, her eyes and hair seemed richer, deeper in colour, and more importantly, the long slim sleeves hid the marks he had made on her arms.

And so she bought it, though it was more than she could easily afford. Steve liked her to have decent stage outfits, but the money he gave her for them was on the mean side. But this was a special dress. A dress on which her whole future depended. Thanking the woman, she left with her precious cargo, and went home to Alice’s flat.

She could hardly wait for the evening, when she would walk out on that Soho stage with her head held high.

Seeing her in that dress must surely melt her lover’s heart? Even a hard man like Steve could not turn away the woman who loved him; the singer who brought in the bulk of his money. And the fact that she was carrying his child must surely mean the world to him. Shouldn’t it?

She was both nervous and excited. Was she taking a chance too far? Was Alice right … would he still reject her, and his child?

There was only one way to find out.

CHAPTER FIVE

IN THE EVENING, dressed in her new finery, Maddy took a taxi to the club. She was desperately nervous about Steve’s reaction, but was hoping that tonight she could make him see sense.

She felt ashamed and worried at having broken her promise to Alice, even if it was for all the right reasons. Later, she would explain it all to her friend, convinced that she would understand.

Her heart beating fifteen to the dozen, she carefully inched open the door and peeped inside. As usual, the club was busy, with Jack and the others rushing about behind the bar. It was difficult to see clearly across the room because of Raymond’s sizeable frame as he meandered about, clearing tables and shyly answering the occasional remark from a client. She smiled. No wonder they all love him, she thought. He’s a real gentleman.

In that moment when Raymond stooped to collect something from the floor, she saw Dino and Dave sitting having a quiet drink at the side of the stage. Steve was standing at the far end of the bar, leaning forward, glass in hand, the usual Dunhill cigarette drooping from his lips.

At the sight of him, her heart leaped, and all kinds of bittersweet memories flashed through her mind: of the wonderful times they had shared – the many occasions when she was made to feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, and other times when he was so tender and loving, she thought it would never end. But then there was his explosive jealousy, the inquisitions, and the recent beatings she had suffered at his hands, with Alice’s premonition of worse to come. Steve was like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, and Maddy wondered if she could really face a future with this constant battle on her hands.

For a moment, she was deeply troubled; unsure of whether she should go inside, or turn about and never come back. It was a strange, unnerving sensation.

Needing to think clearly, she closed the door and stood on the pavement, her back against the wall and her thoughts in turmoil. She felt incredibly sad, and lost – and for a moment, all the belief she had in him and their life together seemed to ebb away.

‘Pull yourself together, my girl,’ she reprimanded herself sternly. ‘You can’t turn back now – not when you’ve come this far.’

As always, the pull of her feelings for Steve proved to be stronger than her fears, and as she swung round to enter the building, a mischievous smile lit her eyes. ‘I’ll sneak in the back way,’ she murmured, ‘have a quick check of my makeup, and then I’ll let him know I’m here.’ The idea of taking him by surprise was thrilling.