The Nit Picker

Still not really talking, the boys reached Ruby’s house. As usual Ruby was late. She had managed to get out of her front door, as she always did, but then, inevitably, she was held up by her over-protective mother.

“Have you got your vest on, darling?” Ruby’s mother was saying as Jack and Oscar arrived at her driveway.

“Yes,” hissed Ruby, who had seen her friends arriving and was now deeply embarrassed.

“And your inhaler?” asked Ruby’s mum.

“Mum, I haven’t had asthma since I was three,” complained Ruby.

“Well, that’s as may be, but you can’t take any chances with something like asthma,” insisted her mother. “Especially with the change of weather.”

Jack looked up at the sky, which was unblemished by a single cloud.

“It’s been sunny for days,” Ruby told her mum, narrowing her eyes.

Ruby’s mum didn’t miss a beat. “Exactly!” she said, thrusting her hand out and waving the asthma inhaler at Ruby. Ruby sighed, took the inhaler, dropped it into her school bag and hurried down the path to join her friends.

“And be careful when you cross that main road,” called out Ruby’s mother from her front door.

Jack couldn’t help smiling as he saw Ruby roll her eyes in horror. “How old does she think you are?” he teased.

Ruby just shot him a dark look. “Don’t!” she ordered him tersely.

Jack looked around and realised that Oscar was still standing at the end of Ruby’s drive. Ruby turned to follow his gaze.

“Come on, Oscar, we’re meant to be going to school, remember?” shouted Jack.

As if in a dream-world, Oscar turned his head towards the source of the words, a puzzled expression on his face. It was as if he had to think about each individual word that Jack had said before he could begin to answer.

Finally he seemed to be ready. “OK,” he said and began to walk slowly towards them. Ruby and Jack headed for school.

“What’s wrong with Oscar?” Ruby wondered.

Now it was Jack who was shrugging. “He’s just in this weird mood,” he confessed to Ruby. “He’s been like that for days. Doesn’t say much. Won’t play with any of my inventions. Seems half asleep most of the time.”

“He’s not the only one,” said Ruby.

“What do you mean?” said Jack.

“Other kids at school have been acting weird too. Haven’t you noticed?”

Jack had to confess that he hadn’t noticed anything of the sort.

“Well, that’s no surprise,” said Ruby laughing. “You’re always in a dream world yourself.”

“Not dreaming,” said Jack, mock-seriously. “Thinking very hard about my inventions.”

Ruby grinned. “Whatever. But the thing is, loads of kids at school have been going around in a daze lately. Just like Oscar.”

“Sort of like they’re not all there?” said Jack.

Ruby nodded. “Exactly. And I can tell you exactly when it started too.”

Jack looked at her expectantly.

“Ever since the new Nit Nurse came to school.”

The Nit Nurse was a new thing for the school. Nits, however, were not. Ever since Jack had started school he’d regularly had to take a note home to his mum saying that ‘someone’ in his class had head lice and that she should take care to check Jack’s hair and wash it with special anti-nit shampoo. Once Jack had even had nits himself! He would never forget the nightly nit hunt, with his mum scraping special liquid through his hair with a thin-toothed metal comb.

Jack’s mum had told him that when she was young there had been a visitor in school who would check every child in every class for head lice. That was the proper name for nits – head lice. Jack thought it sounded really gross. Head lice were little insects that lived in children’s hair and laid their eggs there too. People said that in some cases you could actually see the little creatures running around on kids’ heads! There were all sorts of rumours about the nits – that they only liked dirty hair, or greasy hair, or hair that was only washed once a week. But Jack’s mum was a nurse so he knew it was all nonsense. The nits weren’t fussy – as long as there was hair of a reasonable length they didn’t care how clean or dirty it was.

In Jack’s school the teachers tried to be really fair about the whole business and not point the finger at individuals. That was why they sent out a letter to the whole class so no one felt victimised. However, when Jack had returned to school after the summer holidays the Head had made an announcement at assembly that changed all that. He had told everyone that due to a new government initiative there was going to be school nurse in every primary school. Jack’s school had been selected for a “pilot scheme” to see what benefits this new idea might have. The upshot was that a woman called Nurse Marsh would be joining the staff and she would see every child each week to check on any matters of health and fitness, including head lice. The Head had then introduced Nurse Marsh. She was an odd-looking woman with a heavily lined face that didn’t move when she smiled. She told the children in assembly that she was really looking forward to making sure they were all as healthy as could be, and then her stomach rumbled loudly.

“All the kids who’ve been acting strangely have been to see the Nit Nurse,” said Ruby as they walked down the street towards school.

Jack realised she was right. In Oscar’s case for sure: he had been to see Nurse Marsh every day last week and had refused to talk about it with Jack at all. What did she do to him? he wondered. Why would a Nit Nurse want to …

Suddenly Jack stopped dead in his tracks.

“Of course!” he said, slapping his forehead in annoyance.

“What?” said Ruby.

Jack was nodding to himself now. “I knew there was something strange about her face.”

“Well, she is old and ugly,” agreed Ruby.

“No, no, no …” replied Jack.

“Come off it,” insisted Ruby. “She’s got a face like a block of granite. She’s not only been touched by the Ugly Stick, she’s been beaten around the head by it until she’s dizzy. She’s a total minger.”

“Yes, yes, yes, I’m not arguing with that,” explained Jack. “But that’s not the point I was trying to make. It’s the skin on her face I was talking about. It doesn’t move right. It’s not natural. It’s like … like she’s had plastic surgery or something.”

“Why would you have a face-lift and ask to look like that?” wondered Ruby.

“Because it’s not a face-lift,” said Jack with certainty. “It’s a mask. She must be another GUNK Alien in disguise.”

Ruby stared at him. “You’re not serious.”

“I am.”

“The Nit Nurse is an alien?”

“I’m afraid so,” said Jack.

“So what do you think she’s doing to the kids?” Ruby asked.

“I don’t know,” Jack confessed. “But I’m going to find out. Somehow kids who get their nits treated are losing their get-up-and-go.”