The Beach Buoy

As she saw them coming, Ruby turned a bright shade of pink. “Don’t say a thing,” she told them, but they couldn’t stop themselves.

“Litter?” asked Jack.

“Brownie uniform?” said Oscar at the same time.

Ruby sighed.

“It’s a long story,” she said them.

Ruby was the final member of their team. When Jack had been recruited by the mysterious Bob to be a member of GUNGE (the General Under-Committee for the Neutralisation of Gruesome Extraterrestrials), he had quickly realised that he needed more than just a three-eyed robotic dog to help him. Naturally he had turned to his best friend Oscar.

Then both he and Oscar had met Ruby.

At first, Jack and Oscar had worried about having a girl in the team. But Ruby had become an invaluable companion in all of Jack’s missions to capture the evil GUNK aliens. She shared Oscar’s love of adventure and danger, but with the dial turned up to maximum. Ruby was a complete adrenaline addict with a passion for dangerous sports and activities. The only problem was that her mother was very protective and insisted that Ruby spend her time on safer pursuits, like ballet and flower arranging. To maintain her sanity, Ruby spent a lot of her time pretending to do the things her mother wanted her to do while really following her own agenda – which meant that she was often to be seen surfing in a ballerina’s tutu, or rock climbing in jodhpurs.

“Mum wanted me to join a club,” Ruby explained, “so I suggested the Brownies.”

Oscar and Jack just shook their heads, not getting it.

“Thing is, after the Brownies, you can join the Guides or the Scouts,” Ruby continued, “and then you get to go on camps and rock climb, and abseil and paraglide, and all sorts of things …”

“So this is a long-term plan?” asked Jack, beginning to understand her thinking.

“Brilliant, isn’t it?” said Ruby. “For once I’m doing exactly what Mum wants, but eventually it’ll lead to exactly what I want. It’s a win-win scenario.”

“Except for having to wear that uniform,” pointed out Oscar.

“Well, yes, of course,” Ruby confessed.

“And collecting litter,” said Jack.

Ruby sighed again. “I have to get my community service badge before I can do anything exciting. But let’s face it, it’s not as if there’s anything else going on, is there?”

She looked both of them in the eyes, but both boys quickly looked away. Over the last few weeks there had been an unspoken agreement between them not to talk about their adventures with GUNGE. Ruby was on the verge of breaking that understanding and neither Jack nor Oscar really wanted to talk about it.

“Well, it’s true, isn’t it?” persisted Ruby bluntly. “I take it there’s been no word from GUNGE?”

Jack had to agree that there hadn’t been contact of any kind.

Ruby shrugged. “So there you are then – it’s over.”

Suddenly Snivel barked loudly. The three children turned to look at the robot dog. Snivel was staring up into the branches of a tree and jumping up and down – or trying to anyway. With his three eyes he tended to be pretty clumsy.

“What is it?” asked Jack. He looked up where Snivel was looking. There on a branch was a grey squirrel. The squirrel was unnaturally still, and didn’t even appear to be breathing. For a long moment the five of them looked at each other without blinking – the three children, the robot dog on the ground and the squirrel up above them – then, finally, the squirrel moved. It opened its mouth and spoke.

“Jack Brady – you’re needed … by GUNGE!”

Jack, Oscar and Ruby had become used to some pretty unusual sights and sounds over the course of their alien-hunting adventures, but nevertheless they were shocked by this new development. In the past they had been contacted by GUNGE agent Bob from some odd, not to say downright implausible, locations – but this time it was different.

“Who are you?” demanded Jack.

“Bob,” replied the voice.

“But you’re a woman!” said Oscar.

“So?”

“Bob isn’t a woman,” explained Ruby patiently.

“Could be,” said the voice, slightly defensively.

“But Bob’s a bloke,” insisted Jack.

“The last one was,” agreed the voice emerging from the squirrel. “But I’m the new Bob. And I’m not.”

“Not what?” asked Oscar, now thoroughly confused.

“Not a bloke,” said the voice, rather testily now.

“So you’re the new Bob,” said Jack carefully.

“Exactly,” said Bob. “Better than the last one.”

“You mean you’re not a double agent for evil aliens intent on invading Earth and making us all snot slaves,” said Jack pointedly.

“Well, yes, there were some loyalty issues with the last Bob,” agreed the new Bob, slightly defensively.

“Some loyalty issues!” exclaimed Ruby in shock. “He only sold out the entire planet to the GUNK Aliens. He used the Blower to contact the alliance and alert them to our existence!”

“Exactly – which is why GUNGE needs you. We need a full debrief.”

“You’re not having my pants,” said Oscar hotly.

Jack shook his head. “She means she wants a full account of what happened when we last saw Bob,” he explained.

“What’s that got to do with my boxers?” asked Oscar.

Ruby sighed. “This might take a long time,” she told the squirrel. “Can we go somewhere more comfortable?”

A short while later Ruby and Oscar were sitting round one of the outdoor tables at the park café. Jack joined them, carefully carrying a tray of drinks – three cool lemonades and a coffee.

“Who ordered the coffee?” wondered Oscar as Jack gave out the drinks.

“For our new leader,” replied Jack, nodding towards the fourth chair at the table, where a few tufts of artificial hair on top of the squirrel-bot’s head could just be seen. “Wouldn’t it be easier to talk face to face?” he added addressing the small robot directly this time.

To the children’s amazement the squirrel actually shook its little head, as if it really was New Bob herself. “Operational security,” said New Bob tersely. “It is best that you do not see my face.”

“Are you really ugly or something then?”