Yuletide Redemption

Sure, Sue was friendly on the phone, but what about Brandy’s other friends from church? Did they consider Celeste responsible for Brandy’s death?

Why wouldn’t they? She was the one who’d been driving.

“Um, he doesn’t sit all that well right now.”

“If he won’t sit still, he can be a sheep.”

She longed to decline, but this was for Grandma Pearl, and the woman was alone and, most likely, sad. Not to mention Brandy would have wanted Parker in the Christmas Eve program—she’d climb Mount Everest for her beloved grandmother.

“What would I have to do?” Parker tried to wriggle out of her grasp, but she held tight, pretending to blow him kisses. Anything to avoid a meltdown.

“Practices are Thursday nights starting after Thanksgiving. We’ll walk the children through their parts and fit them for their costumes. I know it’s a lot to ask, but we don’t know how many Christmases Pearl has left. Would you do this for her?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you. We’ll see you in a few weeks.”

Celeste hung up with mixed feelings. Maybe Mom and Dad would take Parker to the practices. If not, she would act like an adult, drive him there herself and deal with it.

Wait. The church was on the same road as the accident site. If she drove Parker, she would have to pass the ditch, field and telephone pole where she’d lost so much.

The moments before the car spun out came back. The loud Christmas music, the laughter—what had they been laughing about?—the happy, girls’-night-out feeling she always got when she was with Brandy.

She would never have it again.

Her stomach felt hollow. Mom and Dad would have to drive Parker, because she wasn’t ready to confront her past.

There wasn’t time to think about it now. She was late. Once again, she strapped Parker into the carrier. He whimpered, rubbing his eyes. She rushed down the porch steps into the rain, slid open the side door of her red minivan and locked Parker’s seat into the base before driving the short distance to Sam’s. Tossing her hood up to protect her head from the rain, she ascended the kitchen steps and knocked.

“I’ll meet you at the bottom of the ramp,” Sam yelled.

“Okay.” She hurried down the staircase and wiped her palms on her jeans, holding her breath when he rolled her way. “Do you need me to help?”

“No. Got it.”

As soon as he reached the passenger side, she held out her hand to help him into the van. He kept his weight on his left leg and got into the seat slowly and with concentrated effort. Parker had finally stopped crying. So far, so good.

“Let me put this in the trunk, and we’ll be on our way.” She clutched the hood together under her chin before awkwardly loading the chair in the back. Once inside the van, she checked on Parker, whose eyelids were heavy, and buckled her seat belt. “Sorry I’m late. Something unexpected came up.”

“For a minute, I thought you stood me up.”

Stand him up? Not in a million years.

“No, nothing like that. A lady from Brandy’s church called.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah...well, no. Not really.” She shook her head, swallowing the knot in her throat. “Never mind. I don’t know what to think. They want to surprise Brandy’s grandma by having Parker be baby Jesus in the Christmas Eve service.”

“Why do you sound upset? Don’t you like her grandma?”

“I love her. She’s sweetness personified. In fact, I feel guilty I haven’t visited her in a while. She adores Parker.”

“Don’t feel guilty. You’re doing the best you can.”

The road wound through trees. The wipers swished rapidly as she sneaked a peek over at Sam’s profile. She guessed he smiled a lot—or used to, anyway—by the faint creases around his blue eyes. Did her heart just flutter? He was so handsome, even if he was worried. The lines in his forehead and slight bulge in the vein near his temple didn’t lie.

“Are you nervous about today?” she asked.

“Yeah.” Sam faced her, and her stomach dipped. My, oh my.

She turned and continued along the two-lane road. The forest gave way to farm fields, some with faded yellow cornstalks standing limp in the rain, others with dried stumps of harvested crops. The trees in the distance looked like a watercolor painting of fall colors.

“What else is going on?” The way he said it gave her the impression he’d welcome a distraction.

“I’m still not sure about this baby Jesus thing in the Christmas Eve program.”

“He’s pretty young.” Sam frowned, looking back at Parker. She checked her rearview. He’d fallen asleep.

“Yes, but if he won’t cooperate, they’ll let him be a sheep.”

“Cute.” The corner of his mouth kicked up in a grin, and his eyes twinkled. “I’d like to see that.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t sound so excited.”

“I’m not a hundred percent sold on the idea.”

“Why not?”

“Well, like you said, he’s pretty young. Not even walking yet. And I would have to take him to practices.”

“What’s so bad about that?” He shifted, watching her.

Everything. Brandy’s friends might blame me. And then there’s my face. She tilted her chin up. “The church is a mile north of where my car spun out last December. I would have to pass it to get to the practices.”

He didn’t say anything for a while, just stared at the rain splashing on the window. “If it would make it easier, I could go with you.”

Celeste sucked in a breath. His offer burrowed into her heart. All her reasons for not taking Parker seemed petty. But reality set in. Then doubt. Sam would see other people’s reactions. She didn’t want him to think less of her.

“Thank you, but I can always ask my parents to take him.”

She could feel his stare but didn’t bother looking over. He didn’t understand, and she wasn’t explaining. She wished she could take him up on his offer. Wished she had met him before her accident, when things were different. When even a tongue-tied girl like her might have had a chance at dating a guy like him.

* * *

“You’ve been working on your upper body strength.”