Robert Falconer

That morning prayers and sermon were philosophically dull, and respectable as any after-dinner speech. Nor could it well be otherwise: one of the favourite sayings of its minister was, that a clergyman is nothing but a moral policeman. As such, however, he more resembled one of Dogberry’s watch. He could not even preach hell with any vigour; for as a gentleman he recoiled from the vulgarity of the doctrine, yielding only a few feeble words on the subject as a sop to the Cerberus that watches over the dues of the Bible—quite unaware that his notion of the doctrine had been drawn from the Æneid, and not from the Bible.

‘Well, have you got anything, Robert?’ asked Ericson, as he entered his room.

‘Nothing,’ answered Robert.

‘What was the sermon about?’

‘It was all to prove that God is a benevolent being.’

‘Not a devil, that is,’ answered Ericson. ‘Small consolation that.’

‘Sma’ eneuch,’ responded Robert. ‘I cudna help thinkin’ I kent mony a tyke (dog) that God had made wi’ mair o’ what I wad ca’ the divine natur’ in him nor a’ that Dr. Soulis made oot to be in God himsel’. He had no ill intentions wi’ us—it amuntit to that. He wasna ill-willy, as the bairns say. But the doctor had some sair wark, I thoucht, to mak that oot, seein’ we war a’ the children o’ wrath, accordin’ to him, born in sin, and inheritin’ the guilt o’ Adam’s first trespass. I dinna think Dr. Soulis cud say that God had dune the best he cud for ‘s. But he never tried to say onything like that. He jist made oot that he was a verra respectable kin’ o’ a God, though maybe no a’thing we micht wuss. We oucht to be thankfu’ that he gae’s a wee blink o’ a chance o’ no bein’ brunt to a’ eternity, wi’ nae chance ava. I dinna say that he said that, but that’s what it a’ seemed to me to come till. He said a hantle aboot the care o’ Providence, but a’ the gude that he did seemed to me to be but a haudin’ aff o’ something ill that he had made as weel. Ye wad hae thocht the deevil had made the warl’, and syne God had pitten us intil ‘t, and jist gied a bit wag o’ ‘s han’ whiles to haud the deevil aff o’ ‘s whan he was like to destroy the breed a’thegither. For the grace that he spak aboot, that was less nor the nature an’ the providence. I cud see unco little o’ grace intil ‘t.’

Here Ericson broke in—fearful, apparently, lest his boyfriend should be actually about to deny the God in whom he did not himself believe.

‘Robert,’ he said solemnly, ‘one thing is certain: if there be a God at all, he is not like that. If there be a God at all, we shall know him by his perfection—his grand perfect truth, fairness, love—a love to make life an absolute good—not a mere accommodation of difficulties, not a mere preponderance of the balance on the side of well-being. Love only could have been able to create. But they don’t seem jealous for the glory of God, those men. They don’t mind a speck, or even a blot, here and there upon him. The world doesn’t make them miserable. They can get over the misery of their fellow-men without being troubled about them, or about the God that could let such things be.[7 - Amongst Ericson’s papers I find the following sonnets, which belong to the mood here embodied:Oft, as I rest in quiet peace, am IThrust out at sudden doors, and madly drivenThrough desert solitudes, and thunder-rivenBlack passages which have not any sky.The scourge is on me now, with all the cryOf ancient life that hath with murder striven.How many an anguish hath gone up to heaven!How many a hand in prayer been lifted highWhen the black fate came onward with the rushOf whirlwind, avalanche, or fiery spume!Even at my feet is cleft a shivering tombBeneath the waves; or else with solemn hushThe graveyard opens, and I feel a crushAs if we were all huddled in one doom.Comes there, O Earth, no breathing time for thee?No pause upon thy many-chequered lands?Now resting on my bed with listless hands,I mourn thee resting not.  ContinuallyHear I the plashing borders of the seaAnswer each other from the rocks and sands.Troop all the rivers seawards; nothing stands,But with strange noises hasteth terribly.Loam-eared hyenas go a moaning by.Howls to each other all the bloody crewOf Afric’s tigers.  But, O men, from youComes this perpetual sound more loud and highThan aught that vexes air.  I hear the cryOf infant generations rising too.] They represent a God who does wonderfully well, on the whole, after a middling fashion. I want a God who loves perfectly. He may kill; he may torture even; but if it be for love’s sake, Lord, here am I. Do with me as thou wilt.’

Had Ericson forgotten that he had no proof of such a God? The next moment the intellectual demon was awake.

‘But what’s the good of it all?’ he said. ‘I don’t even know that there is anything outside of me.’

‘Ye ken that I’m here, Mr. Ericson,’ suggested Robert.

‘I know nothing of the sort. You may be another phantom—only clearer.’

‘Ye speik to me as gin ye thocht me somebody.’

‘So does the man to his phantoms, and you call him mad. It is but a yielding to the pressure of constant suggestion. I do not know—I cannot know if there is anything outside of me.’

‘But gin there warna, there wad be naebody for ye to love, Mr. Ericson.’

‘Of course not.’

‘Nor naebody to love you, Mr. Ericson.’

‘Of course not.’

‘Syne ye wad be yer ain God, Mr. Ericson.’

‘Yes. That would follow.’

‘I canna imagine a waur hell—closed in amo’ naething—wi’ naething a’ aboot ye, luikin’ something a’ the time—kennin’ ‘at it ‘s a’ a lee, and nae able to win clear o’ ‘t.’

‘It is hell, my boy, or anything worse you can call it.’

‘What for suld ye believe that, than, Mr. Ericson? I wadna believe sic an ill thing as that. I dinna think I cud believe ‘t, gin ye war to pruv ‘t to me.’

‘I don’t believe it. Nobody could prove that either, even if it were so. I am only miserable that I can’t prove the contrary.’

‘Suppose there war a God, Mr. Ericson, do ye think ye bude (behoved) to be able to pruv that? Do ye think God cud stan’ to be pruved as gin he war something sma’ eneuch to be turned roon’ and roon’, and luikit at upo’ ilka side? Gin there war a God, wadna it jist be sae—that we cudna prove him to be, I mean?’

‘Perhaps. That is something. I have often thought of that. But then you can’t prove anything about it.’

‘I canna help thinkin’ o’ what Mr. Innes said to me ance. I was but a laddie, but I never forgot it. I plaguit him sair wi’ wantin’ to unnerstan’ ilka thing afore I wad gang on wi’ my questons (sums). Says he, ae day, “Robert, my man, gin ye will aye unnerstan’ afore ye du as ye’re tellt, ye’ll never unnerstan’ onything. But gin ye du the thing I tell ye, ye’ll be i’ the mids o’ ‘t afore ye ken ‘at ye’re gaein’ intil ‘t.” I jist thocht I wad try him. It was at lang division that I boglet maist. Weel, I gaed on, and I cud du the thing weel eneuch, ohn made ae mistak. And aye I thocht the maister was wrang, for I never kent the rizzon o’ a’ that beginnin’ at the wrang en’, an’ takin’ doon an’ substrackin’, an’ a’ that. Ye wad hardly believe me, Mr. Ericson: it was only this verra day, as I was sittin’ i’ the kirk—it was a lang psalm they war singin’—that ane wi’ the foxes i’ the tail o’ ‘t—lang division came into my heid again; and first aye bit glimmerin’ o’ licht cam in, and syne anither, an’ afore the psalm was dune I saw throu’ the haill process o’ ‘t. But ye see, gin I hadna dune as I was tauld, and learnt a’ aboot hoo it was dune aforehan’, I wad hae had naething to gang rizzonin’ aboot, an’ wad hae fun’ oot naething.’

‘That’s good, Robert. But when a man is dying for food, he can’t wait.’

‘He micht try to get up and luik, though. He needna bide in ‘s bed till somebody comes an’ sweirs till him ‘at he saw a haddie (haddock) i’ the press.’

‘I have been looking, Robert—for years.’

‘Maybe, like me, only for the rizzon o’ ‘t, Mr. Ericson—gin ye’ll forgie my impidence.’

‘But what’s to be done in this case, Robert? Where’s the work that you can do in order to understand? Where’s your long division, man?’

‘Ye’re ayont me noo. I canna tell that, Mr. Ericson. It canna be gaein’ to the kirk, surely. Maybe it micht be sayin’ yer prayers and readin’ yer Bible.’

Ericson did not reply, and the conversation dropped. Is it strange that neither of these disciples should have thought of turning to the story of Jesus, finding some word that he had spoken, and beginning to do that as a first step towards a knowledge of the doctrine that Jesus was the incarnate God, come to visit his people—a very unlikely thing to man’s wisdom, yet an idea that has notwithstanding ascended above man’s horizon, and shown itself the grandest idea in his firmament?

In the evening Ericson asked again for his papers, from which he handed Robert the following poem:—

WORDS IN THE NIGHT

I woke at midnight, and my heart,
My beating heart said this to me:
Thou seest the moon how calm and bright
The world is fair by day and night,
But what is that to thee?
One touch to me—down dips the light
Over the land and sea.
All is mine, all is my own!
Toss the purple fountain high!
The breast of man is a vat of stone;
I am alive, I, only I!

One little touch and all is dark;
The winter with its sparkling moons
The spring with all her violets,
The crimson dawns and rich sunsets,
The autumn’s yellowing noons.
I only toss my purple jets,
And thou art one that swoons
Upon a night of gust and roar,
Shipwrecked among the waves, and seems
Across the purple hills to roam;
Sweet odours touch him from the foam,
And downward sinking still he dreams
He walks the clover field at home,
And hears the rattling teams.