The Postcard: Escape to Cornwall with the perfect summer holiday read

‘Come on, Penny. You can do this,’ she said to her reflection before calling out, ‘coming, my love.’

When Jenna had finally fallen asleep, Penny crept out on to the landing and down to her office. She knew she couldn’t bury her head in the sand and checked her emails. Nothing from her contacts or Jack Bradbury or Mavis Crewe. This is how it starts, she thought, one day the phone stops ringing and your career stops too.

She scrolled down her list of opened emails and found the one from her sister via Marion. She read it again. What kind of sister would withhold the information about her mother being ill, let alone dead? And to go ahead with the funeral, which she wasn’t sure she’d have attended anyway, without letting her know. Penny’s hurt balled into the back of her throat where it writhed and tightened until her body spat it out in one long wail. She sat rocking backwards and forwards on her office chair, unable to stop the noise or the tears, which now ran down her cheeks in a constant stream. She found her voice and sputtered into the air. ‘Help me! Someone help me. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t do this any more. I’m so tired. Please help me someone!’ Her throat constricted again and more sobs followed, but there was no one to come. After some time, and experiencing the odd sense of floating outside her body that had recently been so strong, she went to the downstairs cloakroom and rummaged on the shelves behind the coat racks where she kept the first aid tin. She opened it and the familiar smell of Savlon leaked out. She found what she wanted and put them in her cardigan pocket. She went to the kitchen, filled a large glass with tap water, and walked up the stairs

She took the strip of tablets from her pocket and carefully popped each one from its foil blister, lined them up on the bedside table, then went to look in on Jenna. She stroked the sleeping face and whispered ‘I love you so much’ to her tiny daughter. Her tears dripped on to the warm cheek of her beloved girl, causing her to give a little reflex jump, but she didn’t wake. ‘Night-night, darling. Mummy will always love you. I’ll always be here for you.’ As she left the room she saw Sniffy on the shelf. She picked him up and sniffed him before taking him to her room.

She cleaned her face and her teeth and brushed her hair. She spritzed on a little of the perfume that Simon liked and then got into bed. She lay down for a moment and, with the scene set, she felt a peacefulness that had eluded her for months. She propped herself on one elbow and picked up all the pills, put them in her mouth one by one, taking a mouthful of water with each and swallowed. She lay down with Sniffy in the crook of her arm where he had always belonged.

8 (#ulink_ddc42b41-fefb-5763-aeac-e4dffb9fec40)

‘Can you hear me, Penny?’

Penny didn’t want to open her eyes. Who was this person disturbing her?

‘Penny, love, my name is Sandra. I’m a paramedic. You’ve taken some pills.’

Penny answered silently. Yes, I did, and now I’m sleeping. Stop tapping my hand.

‘Penny, stay with me. Can you say “Hello, Sandra”?’

Penny mustered the words. ‘Hello, Sandra.’ There, satisfied?

‘What was that? You’re mumbling a bit.’

Are you deaf? I’m trying to sleep.

‘Your husband’s here.’

Oh shit.

‘He found you and called us. He’s very worried. How many pills did you take?’

Not enough.

‘Penny, come on, stay with me.’ The patting on Penny’s arm was getting quite painful. She tried to pull her arm away but it was held fast.

Now she heard Simon’s voice, anxious, ‘Penny, darling. They’re going to pop you in the ambulance and get you to hospital.’

‘Where’s Jenna?’ she managed to say.

‘Jenna’s OK. Don’t worry about Jenna,’ said the bloody Sandra woman again. ‘She’s with your friend.’

Simon’s voice again, ‘Yes, she’s with Helen. I’m coming with you to hospital.’

She quite liked the feeling of being manhandled onto a stretcher and carried down the stairs. She could at least keep her eyes closed and no one was asking any more silly questions. The ambulance was comfortable but still the bloody Sandra woman wouldn’t let her sleep.

‘Open your eyes for me, would you, Penny?’

Bugger off, thought Penny.

‘Come on now, Penny, open your eyes for me, please.’ The woman started patting the back of Penny’s hand again.

‘What now?’ asked Penny, angrily opening her eyes.

‘That’s it, well done,’ said Sandra who immediately shone the brightest of lights into her eyes. She instantly shut them again.

When she woke next, she was in a hospital bed feeling groggy. There was a canula in the back of her left hand attached to a drip. The room was quiet apart from the beep of what she assumed was a heart machine recording her pulse. She wasn’t dead, then.

Simon was sitting in a plastic-covered armchair at the foot of the bed. He looked grey.

‘Hello,’ he said with a tired smile. He got up and came to the bed, bending down to kiss her forehead then her hand. He started to cry. ‘Oh, Pen. Why did you do it?’

‘What time is it?’ she asked him. Her throat was dry and her head ached.

‘Almost six.’

‘In the morning?’

‘Yes.’

‘Have I been here all night?’

‘Yes.’

‘Have you been here all night?’

‘Yes.’

‘Thank you …’

Outside, the corridor was already rustling into life. She heard a rattle of teacups as a trolley pushed closer to her room. It stopped at a door along from hers and she heard the squeak of soles on the rubber floor, a cheery voice. ‘Morning, Mrs Wilson. You ready for a cup of tea, my dear?’

‘Why did you do it?’ asked Simon again.

She turned her head away from him and felt the pillow cool on her cheek. ‘I don’t know.’

‘Are things so bad that you wanted to leave Jenna and me?’

‘I just wanted to stop for a bit. I wanted everything to stop, just for a minute, and leave me be. I didn’t want to die, necessarily, just … stop … Stop.’

‘Did you think about me?’

She thought and answered truthfully. ‘No.’

He reached for his handkerchief and wiped his eyes before blowing his nose. ‘Don’t you love us any more?’

She closed her eyes. ‘It’s not that. I just wanted to … I don’t know … just have a bit of peace. I was, am, so tired.’ She looked at him, tearfully. ‘Please don’t be angry with me.’