Thereby Hangs a Tale. Volume One

Sir Felix, with tears in his eyes, took and wrung the old man’s hand, and, as the friends followed him out, Vanleigh bestowed upon the young baronet a most solemn, but very vulgar, wink.

An Interview with Barney Sturt

“Couldn’t you make it a four-wheeler, Sam,” said Mrs Jenkles, one evening, “and take me up and bring us all back together?”

“Now, lookye here, old lady,” said Sam, “I don’t want to be hard, nor I don’t want to be soft, but what I says is this here – Where’s it going to end?”

“What do you mean, Sam?” exclaimed Mrs Jenkles.

“What I says, my dear – Where’s it going to end? You’ve got over me about the money, and you’ve got over me about the lodgings. You’re allus going to Mrs Lane to tea, as I knows they don’t find; and now you wants me to give up my ’ansom, borrer a four-wheeler, and lose ’bout a pound as I should make in fares; and what I says is – Where’s it going to end?”

“Sam, Sam, Sam,” said Mrs Jenkles, “when did you ever go out with your cab for about a couple of hours and make a pound?”

Sam stood rubbing his nose, and there was a droll twinkle in his eye as he replied —

“Well, I might make a pound, you know.”

“Now don’t talk stuff, Sam, but go to the yard and change your cab, take me up there, and bring us all back comfortable.”

“You’re argoing it, you are, missus,” said Sam. “That’s the way – order your kerridge. ‘Sam,’ says you, ‘the kerridge at six.’ ‘Yes, mum,’ says I. ‘Oppery or dinner party?’ ‘Only to make a hevening call, Sam,’ says you. ‘Werry good, mum,’ says I.”

“If you want me to go up there by myself, Sam, and fetch them, I’ll go, and we can get back somehow by the ’bus; but I thought you’d like to come up and see that those ladies and your wife weren’t insulted.”

“I should jest like to catch anybody at it, that’s all,” said Sam, sharply.

“I didn’t mean to say anything, Sam,” continued Mrs Jenkles; “for I thought if we’d got such a man as you with us, no one would dare to interfere.”

“Now, look here,” said Sam, “I never did come across such an old snail as you are, missus; I like the allus being at home part of it, but it’s the hiding as I don’t like. Now, look here, I never does nothing without coming and telling you all about it; and as for you, why, you’ve allus got something in the way for me to find out.”

“What’s the use of me bothering you with trifles, Sam, when you’ve got plenty of troubles on your mind? I would tell you if it was anything you need know.”

“Well, come now, what’s it all mean bout Miss Lane?” said Sam.

“Only, dear, that since those people have found that Mrs Lane meant to leave, they’ve turned very strange, and the poor child’s quite frightened and timid like.”

“Now, why couldn’t you say so at first,” said Sam, “instead of dodging and hiding, and making a blind man’s buffer of me? That’s it, is it? Mr Barney of the betting ring – ‘Ten to one bar one’ – means to be nasty, does he? Well, all I’ve got to say is, just let him try it on, that’s all!”

“Now, there it is,” said Mrs Jenkles; “that’s just what I want to avoid. Tell you about it, and you want to do the very thing as will upset that poor girl; and oh! Sam, do be careful, she – ”

Mrs Jenkles added something in a whisper.

“I’ll be careful enough,” said Sam; “and look here – how long shall you be?”

“I’m ready now, Sam,” said his wife.

“Yes, but I’ve got to go down to the yard, and get the keb changed; take me ’bout three-quarters of an hour, it will, and then I’m back.”

Sam went off, muttering to himself; the only words audible being —

“Jest let him, that’s all!”

And within the prescribed time he was driving Mrs Jenkles up to Mrs Lane’s wretched lodgings.

Mrs Jenkles passed in, after a word or two with her husband, and saw at a glance Barney of the black chin smoking in his shop, and Mrs Barney looking over his shoulder. She took no notice of them, and went upstairs, to find Mrs Lane looking very pale and much excited, holding Netta’s hand.

“And how’s my pretty to-night?” said Mrs Jenkles, after a quick glance had passed between her and the mother.

“Quite – quite well,” said the girl, placing both her hands in those of Mrs Jenkles, and holding her face to be kissed; but her unnaturally bright eyes and flushed face contradicted her words, and she kept glancing timidly towards the door.

“That’s right, my dear,” said Mrs Jenkles. “Ah! and I see you’ve got the trunk packed, and all ready. I’ve got some flowers for you at home, and everything waiting; so don’t you go looking like that.”

“She has been a little frightened today,” said Mrs Lane; “the people downstairs – ”

“Oh, don’t you mind them,” said Mrs Jenkles. “They don’t like losing good lodgers, now it comes to the point, with all their grumbling. Have you paid your bit of rent?”

“Yes,” said Mrs Lane; and she glanced anxiously at her child, whose alarm seemed to increase.

“I see,” said Mrs Jenkles, in her most business-like way. “Now, look here, the thing is to get it over quickly. Have you got everything there?” and she pointed to a trunk and carpet-bag.

“Yes, everything,” said Mrs Lane.

“Then I’ll call up Sam to take them down to the cab.”

“No, no – stop!” exclaimed Netta. “Oh! mamma, had we not better stop? That man – what he said this morning!”

“There, there, my pretty,” said Mrs Jenkles, “don’t you be alarmed. You leave it to me.”

Then going to the window, she signalled to Sam, who was busy tying knots in his shabby whipthong.

As Mrs Jenkles turned from the window, the door was thrown open, and Mrs Sturt, looking very aggressive, entered the room, closely followed by her lord, smoking his black pipe of strong, rank tobacco.

Netta shrank timidly back into her seat, catching at her mothers hand, while the result of the tobacco-smoke was to set her coughing painfully.

“Now if you please,” said Mrs Sturt, “I want to know what this means?”

And she pointed to the trunk and the other manifest signs of departure.

“I told you a week ago, Mrs Sturt, that we intended to leave,” said Mrs Lane, speaking with a forced calmness, as she pressed her child’s hand encouragingly.

“And so you think a week’s notice is enough after the way as we’ve been troubled to get our bit of rent?” said Mrs Sturt, raising her voice. “Are we to be left with our place empty, after harbouring a pack of lodgers with no more gratitude than – than – than nothing?” continued the woman, at a loss for a simile.

“I have nothing to do with that,” said Mrs Lane, with dignity. “Mrs Sturt, I have rigidly kept to the arrangement I made with you, and you have no right to expect more.”

“Oh, haven’t I?” said the woman. “Do you hear that, Barney? I’ll just let ’em see!”

Barney growled, and showed his teeth.

“Lookye here,” he said, hoarsely; “you aint agoing to leave here, so now then. And you, missus,” tinning to Mrs Jenkles, “you’re gallus clever, you are; but you may let your lodgings to some one else.”