The Forgotten

“Actually, I’m more interested in a woman named Ruby Ranger. Lisa told me you knew her, also that you disliked her.”

“That is a gross understatement. Ruby Ranger is psycho!”

“Lisa said that Ruby tried to bait you once. You took offense and got pretty aggressive.”

“What really happened was I told her if she ever got in my face again, I’d blast her face to smithereens.”

Decker didn’t answer, too stunned to talk.

Jacob said, “I not only threatened to kill her, I told her how I’d do it. Then I told her how I’d cover it up. Then I told her I knew all about homicide investigations and how to trip them up because I was your son, and I’d seen you conduct enough of them to know the pitfalls.” He looked at his lap. “Actually, I think she believed me.”

Decker bit his lip, trying to figure out how to respond. He couldn’t get any words out.

“She never talked to me again,” Jacob said. “Course, I never saw her again. I stopped going to the parties. So I guess I’ll never know what she really thought.”

“Did people hear you threaten her?”

“Yeah, we attracted quite a crowd. For a while, I was worried that someone was going to report me to the authorities—the real authorities, not you. Which would have been the correct thing to do. But no one did. All of them … the convictions of a turnip.”

Silence.

Jacob said, “Being arrested would have been consistent with my self-image. I was in the nadir period of my life. I was smoking weed and taking pills and screwing around and screwing up. I was out of control. Thank God, you got to me first.” He looked up. “That’s a compliment.”

“Thank you.” Decker stared at him, as if looking at a stranger. “You didn’t tell me you were taking pills.”

He waved Decker off.

“What else didn’t you tell me?”

Jacob threw his head back. “You’re a good guy, Dad. You try to be understanding. But even good guys have their limits.” He faced his stepfather. “I’m scaring the hell out of you, aren’t I?”

“Yes, you are.”

“I hate everything and everyone,” Jacob said. “I’m furious all the time. But I’m the problem, not the world. I’m trying to channel it all into constructive endeavors. Probably sounds like a crock of crud to you, but it’s true.”

Decker was quiet.

Jacob looked away. “I really am trying. For Eema, especially, because she deserves better. I haven’t touched anything chemical beyond an aspirin in six months. I’m doing well in school. I’m still working the suicide hot line once a week. I feed the homeless once a month. I am trying! But it’s hard!”

Decker put his hand on his son’s shoulder. He leaned over and kissed his forehead. “What can I do for you, Jacob?”

He shook his head. “I guess you can just keep doing what you’re doing. Like not freaking when I tell you these things.”

“It’s hard,” Decker said. “Inside, I’m freaking pretty badly.”

The teen pushed his plate away and closed the book. “You’ve seen a lot of psychos in your day, right?”

“Right.”

“Do I fit the profile?”

Decker didn’t dare contemplate the thought. “No.”

Jacob smiled with watery eyes. “You’re just being nice.”

“You have a conscience,” Decker said. “Psychos don’t. But that doesn’t mean that you couldn’t do damage if you blew.”

“I know that.”

“Were you just spouting off at Ruby Ranger or did you really mean it?”

“At the time, I think I really meant it. She’s a bad person. She defends people like Hitler and Stalin and Pol Pot. When I threatened her, she played it real cool. In truth, I think she liked it. I know she liked it. She got excited—aroused. Her nipples got hard.”

“That could have been fear.”

“It was a sexual thing, Dad. Believe me, I know. These people … they are so rich, so privileged. Nothing is novel to them, so they’re always looking for kicks. When drugs don’t do it anymore, they move on to other things. Ruby Ranger thinks mass murderers and serial killers are misunderstood geniuses. Do I think she’s behind the vandalism after what Lisa told me—that she and Ernesto are playing the mating game? Absolutely! I wouldn’t be surprised if Ruby did it just to get to me, that she was waiting for me to come after her with a gun. She’s probably all wet and horny about it—”

“Jacob, please!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He covered his face. “I’m such a pain in the butt.”

“You’re not a pain … yeah, you are a pain. You’re very worrisome. I’m stymied. I don’t know what to do.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to do anything stupid, I promise you.”

“Are you being open with Dr. Gruen, Jake?”

“Bit by bit. Like I am with you. I tell him partial truths until I get the nerve to tell him the whole truth. He can tell what I’m doing, but lets me go at my own pace. He’s much better than the first one. I didn’t like her at all.”

“Did you tell him about your threatening remarks to Ruby Ranger?”

“Yeah. We’ve been working on that.”

“Okay.” Decker chose his words carefully. “Would you mind if I called him? I could use some guidance on what to do for you.”

“You’re doing fine, Dad. I probably talk to you as much as I talk to him.”

No, I am not doing fine! Mildly, Decker said, “So you’d prefer that I don’t call him?”

“Let me talk to him first, okay?”

“Fair enough. Is there anything else you’d like to tell me?”

“About Ruby Ranger or about me?”

“At the moment, I’m more interested in you than in Ruby Ranger.”

“What specifically? Drugs? Yeah, I took pills, too. Mostly downers when pot wasn’t enough. I liked being zonked out. It took the edge off the anger.”