The Disowned — Complete

CHAPTER VIII

“Oh, how I long to be employed!”
—Every Man in his Humour.

Clarence was sitting the next morning over the very unsatisfactory breakfast which tea made out of broomsticks, and cream out of chalk (adulteration thrived even in 17—) afforded, when the waiter threw open the door and announced Mr. Brown.

“Just in time, sir, you perceive,” said Mr. Brown; “I am punctuality itself: exactly a quarter of a minute to ten. I have brought you the pots of French mustard, and I have some very valuable articles which you must want, besides.”

“Thank you, sir,” said Linden, not well knowing what to say; and Mr. Brown, untying a silk handkerchief, produced three shirts, two pots of pomatum, a tobacco canister with a German pipe, four pair of silk stockings, two gold seals, three rings, and a stuffed parrot!

“Beautiful articles these, sir,” said Mr. Brown, with a snuffle “of inward sweetness long drawn out,” and expressive of great admiration of his offered treasures; “beautiful articles, sir, ar’n’t they?”

“Very, the parrot in particular,” said Clarence.

“Yes, sir,” returned Mr. Brown, “the parrot is indeed quite a jewel; it belonged to the late Lady Waddilove; I offer it to you with considerable regret, for—”

“Oh!” interrupted Clarence, “pray do not rob yourself of such a jewel; it really is of no use to me.”

“I know that, sir,—I know that,” replied Mr. Brown; “but it will be of use to your friends; it will be inestimable to any old aunt, sir, any maiden lady living at Hackney, any curious elderly gentleman fond of a knack-knack. I knew you would know some one to send it to as a present, even though you should not want it yourself.”

“Bless me!” thought Linden, “was there ever such generosity? Not content with providing for my wants, he extends his liberality even to any possible relations I may possess!”

Mr. Brown now re-tied “the beautiful articles” in his handkerchief. “Shall I leave them, sir?” said he.

“Why, really,” said Clarence, “I thought yesterday that you were in jest; but you must be aware that I cannot accept presents from any gentleman so much,—so much a stranger to me as you are.”

“No, sir, I am aware of that,” replied Mr. Brown; “and in order to remove the unpleasantness of such a feeling, sir, on your part,—merely in order to do that, I assure you with no other view, sir, in the world,—I have just noted down the articles on this piece of paper; but as you will perceive, at a price so low as still to make them actually presents in everything but the name. Oh, sir, I perfectly understand your delicacy, and would not for the world violate it.”

So saying, Mr. Brown put a paper into Linden’s hands, the substance of which a very little more experience of the world would have enabled Clarence to foresee; it ran thus:—

CLARENCE LINDEN, ESQ., DR.

TO Mr. MORRIS BROWN.

l. s. d.

To Six Pots of French Mustard.........  1 4 0

To Three Superfine Holland Shirts, with Cambric Bosoms,

Complete................ 4 1 0

To Two Pots of Superior French Pomatum......  0 10 0

To a Tobacco Canister of enamelled Tin, with a finely

Executed Head of the Pretender; slight flaw in the same. 0 12 6

To a German Pipe, second hand, as good as new, belonging

to the late Lady Waddilove.......... 1 18 0

To Four Pair of Black Silk Hose, ditto, belonging to her

Ladyship’s Husband............. 2 8 0

To Two Superfine Embossed Gold Watch Seals, with a

Classical Motto and Device to each, namely, Mouse Trap,

and “Prenez Garde,” to one, and “Who the devil can this

be from?” [One would not have thought these ingenious

devices had been of so ancient a date as the year 17—.]

to the other............... 1 1 0

To a remarkably fine Antique Ring, having the head of a

Monkey................. 0 16 6

A ditto, with blue stones........... 0 12 6

A ditto, with green ditto........... 0 12 6

A Stuffed Green Parrot, a remarkable favourite of the late

Lady W................. 2 2 0

————

Sum Total...............  15 18 0

Deduction for Ready Money..........  0 13 6

————

15 4 6

Mr. Brown’s Profits for Brokerage........ 1 10 0

————

Sum Total............... 16 14 6

Received of Clarence Linden, Esq., this  day of  17—.