The Tales of Uncle Remus / Сказки дядюшки Римуса. Книга для чтения на английском языке

“What’s so funny?”

“Ain’t gon’ tell[51 - Ain’t gon’ tell – (уст.) Не скажу], Brer Fox.”

“What you laughing at, I said.”

“Well, nothing, except I just found a box of money hid up here behind a loose brick.”

Brer Fox wasn’t gon’ get fooled this time. “That’s a lie, and you know it.” He commenced to stacking the wood again.

“Don’t have to take my word for it,” Brer Rabbit said, just as calmly as he could be. “Look up here and see for yourself.”

Brer Fox peered up the chimney. Brer Rabbit dropped a brick square on his head. If somebody dropped a brick on your head, that would pretty well take care of things, now wouldn’t it?

Brer Wolf Tries to Catch Brer Rabbit

After Brer Rabbit dropped the brick on Brer Fox’s head, Brer Fox was laid up in the hospital for a week or so. The day he got out he commenced to scheming again[52 - commenced to scheming again – (разг.) снова принялся строить планы].

He was walking down the road and ran into his cousin, Brer Wolf. They hadn’t seen each other since the big family barbecue last Juvember, so they hugged and exchanged news about their kin, and then Brer Fox brought his cousin up to date on all that Brer Rabbit had been doing.

“This has got to stop,” says Brer Wolf. “We got to get that rabbit.”

“Easier said than done.[53 - Easier said than done. – (пог.) Легче сказать, чем сделать.]”

“Well, I got a plan, but for it to work, we got to get him inside your house, Brer Fox.”

“He wouldn’t come in my house if you promised him free lettuce and yogurt for a year.”

“Don’t you worry about that. I can get him there,” says Brer Wolf.

“How?”

“You go home, Brer Fox, get in bed and make like you dead. And don’t say nothing until Brer Rabbit puts his hands on you. When he does, grab him, and we got us a good supper!”

Brer Wolf went over to Brer Rabbit’s house and knocked on the door. Bam! Bam! Bam! Nobody answered. Brer Wolf commenced to banging and kicking on the door like he didn’t have no manners[54 - like he didn’t have no manners – (разг.) как будто его не учили хорошим манерам], which he didn’t. BLAMMITY BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAMMITY!

Finally a teenichy voice came from inside. “Who’s there?”

“A friend.”

“All them what say friend ain’t friend,” Brer Rabbit answered. “Who’s there?”

“I got bad news.”

Bad news will get folks to listen when good news won’t. Brer Rabbit cracked the door and peeked half-a-eyeball out.

“Brer Fox died this morning,” Brer Wolf said real mournfullike.

Brer Rabbit raised half-a-eyebrow. “That so?[55 - That so? – (разг.) Неужели?]”

“He never recuperated from that lick on the head when you dropped the brick on him. I just thought you’d want to know.”

This was bad news that was sho’ nuf good news. But it wasn’t news to be accepted on somebody else’s say-so. He decided to sneak over to Brer Fox’s and verify it.

When he got there, everything was quiet and still. He peeped through the open window, and there, lying on the bed, hands folded across his chest, eyes closed, was Brer Fox.

“Po’ Brer Fox,” said Brer Rabbit. “He sho’ is dead. Leastwise he look dead. Of course, I always heard that when folks was dead and somebody came to see ’em, dead folks would raise up a leg and holler ‘Wahoo!’”

Brer Fox raised up his leg and hollered, “Wahoo!”

Brer Rabbit didn’t waste no time getting away from there.

Brer Rabbit Finally Gets Beaten

You know, it ain’t possible to go through life without meeting your match[56 - without meeting your match – (разг.) и не встретить достойного соперника] some time or other. Brer Rabbit was no exception.

One day he and Brer Turtle were having a good laugh, remembering the time Brer Turtle conked Brer Fox on the head.

Brer Turtle said, “If Brer Fox had chased me instead of you, I would’ve been caught just as sure as you’re born.”

Brer Rabbit chuckled. “Brer Turtle, I could’ve caught you myself.”

Brer Turtle looked incredulous. “You must be joking, Brer Rabbit. You couldn’t have caught me if your feet had turned to wheels and your tail to a motor.”

“Hold on a minute!” Brer Rabbit couldn’t believe his big ears. “You so slow that when you moving you look like you standing still.”

“I ain’t got time to beat my lips with you over it. I got fifty dollars say[57 - I got fifty dollars say – (разг.) Ставлю пятьдесят долларов] I’m the fastest.”

“And I got fifty say you been shaving the hair off your legs or something, but I know you done lost your mind.”

“Brer Rabbit, I hate to take your money, but if that’s what you want, that’s what you got.”

Brer Rabbit laughed. “I’ll leave you so far behind that I can plant greens at the beginning of the race and by the time you cross the finish line, them greens will be ready to pick.”

“I hope your feet as fast as your mouth[58 - your feet as fast as your mouth – (разг.) твои ноги такие же шустрые, как твой язык].”

They got Brer Buzzard to be the race judge and hold the bet money. It was to be a five-mile race, with posts set a mile apart. Brer Turtle claimed he could race faster going through the woods. Everybody told him he was out of his mind. How could he expect to beat Brer Rabbit, who would be running on the road! Brer Turtle said, “Watch me.”

Brer Rabbit went into training. He bought a red jogging suit, a green sweatband, and some yellow Adidas sneakers, and he jogged ten miles every day. Then he’d come home and do a whole mess of pushups, sit-ups, and skip rope to his records. Some folks wondered if he was training for a race or “Soul Train.”

Brer Turtle didn’t do a thing. You see, it’s a strange thing about the Turtle family. There were six of ’em, including Brer Turtle, and they all looked alike. The only way to tell them apart was to put’ em under a magnifying glass, and even then you could make a mistake.

On the day of the race, folks was there from all over. Even the TV network were there, so the folks on the Moon could see it. Miz Meadows and the girls brought lunch baskets and lots of Dr. Pepper[59 - Dr. Pepper – Доктор Пеппер, сладкий газированный напиток] to drink. Brer Rabbit showed up in his shades, wearing a gold jogging suit with a tan stripe, and when he took that off, he had on emerald-green racing shorts. Everybody ooohed and aaahed and rushed to get his autograph.

Meanwhile, Brer Turtle and his family had been up with the sun. He had put his wife in the woods at the starting line, and he stationed each of his children near the other posts. Brer Turtle hid himself in the woods at the finish line.

Race time came and Brer Rabbit hollered, “You ready, Brer Turtle?”

Miz Turtle was off a little ways in the woods and, disguising her voice, hollered, “Let’s go!”