Pride and Prejudice, a play founded on Jane Austen's novel

Mrs. Bennet

[Wishing to leave them together.] No – no, Lydia will find it. Lydia, my love, go see if you can find the sermons for Mr. Collins.

[Lydia, with a grimace, rises slowly from her chair.]

Charlotte Lucas

Oh, Mrs. Bennet, I am quite sure that I saw the book in the hall. I will go fetch it.

Mrs. Bennet

[Sharply.] On no account, Charlotte. Lydia will find the book. Lizzy, go and get the mud off your shoes.

Mr. Collins

Oh, I will not trouble any of you ladies.

Mrs. Bennet

It is no trouble, Mr. Collins. Charlotte, if you will come with me, I have a parcel I should like to send your mother.

Mr. Collins

But I assure you, Madam —

[As they go out, Mrs. Bennet —looking daggers at Charlotte —tries to keep Mr. Collins with Jane.]

Mrs. Bennet

Lydia will find your book, Mr. Collins.

Mr. Collins

On no account, Madam —

[With awkward gallantry Mr. Collins ushers out the ladies– Lydia rebellious, Charlotte somewhat offended.]

Elizabeth

[With an amused smile, having watched the party vanish, turns to Jane and speaks to her in mock-heroic fashion.] Miss Bennet! Do you realise the honour which is so soon to fall upon our humble home, and our gratefully humble selves?

Jane

[Smiling.] Oh, Lizzy!

Elizabeth

Do you really grasp in its full significance the fact that we may soon be honoured by a visit from Mr. Bingley of Netherfield and Mr. Fitzgerald Darcy, nephew of the Lady Catherine de Bourg?

Jane

Oh, Lizzy, Mr. Collins is a little pompous, but he seems a very well-meaning young man – indeed, sometimes quite agreeable.

Elizabeth

[Looking quizzically, but affectionately, at her sister.] No one can be anything but agreeable in the mind of our dear Jane. This time, however, I quite agree with you, I am as delighted as papa with Mr. Collins. I can see that his mixture of servility and importance promises well.

Jane

And I think Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy promise well. If the half of what our neighbours say is true, Mr. Bingley will give us all sorts of gaieties. [Slyly.] Who knows? We may find him as entertaining as Mr. Wickham.

Elizabeth

As Mr. Wickham? Then, dear Jane, we shall be rich indeed. [Counting on her fingers.] For hospitality – Mr. Bingley; for conversation – Mr. Wickham; for grandeur – Mr. Darcy, and the agreeable Mr. Collins!

Jane

Oh, Lizzy! Can not you let the poor man alone?

Elizabeth

With all my heart. I will gladly let him alone. You shall have him all to yourself. [Mischievously.] If only Mr. Collins knew your good opinion of him! But he is too modest to find it out for himself.

Jane

[Playfully pulling Elizabeth's ear.] You are a tease!

Harris

[Entering.] The two gentlemen from Netherfield have just brought their horses into the paddock, Madam.

Jane

Show them in, Harris, and speak to Mrs. Bennet at once.

[Harris bows and goes out.]

Jane

They have come soon, Lizzy. Really this is very civil in them.

Elizabeth

Uncommonly civil. Come with me, Jane. I must make myself tidy. Mud and dirty petticoats for Mr. Darcy! – Oh, that would never do.

[They run off, laughing. There is a short pause. Then Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy enter. The latter is very quiet, with an air of scornful hauteur. Bingley, on the contrary, has a gracious and animated manner. Harris ushers them in, much impressed.]

Bingley