My Big Family. A Day of Tots

Grandma was startled. «What was that?»

«Oh, nothing special! I think she climbed onto a chair to get the soap from the windowsill and flopped into the tub. Blankets are soaking there, right?» Kate guessed instantly, and a second later Rita appeared howling from the bathroom, water flowing like streams from her, and everyone was convinced that Kate, as always, was right.

«I will ne-e-e-ver wash a-a-g-gain!» Rita wailed while she was undressed and dried.

«And why is the soap on the windowsill?» Great-Grandma asked thoughtfully.

«Because Alex tried to set it on fire,» Kate explained.

«And it burns?»

«No! But it stinks!» Alex cheerfully explained. «Just need to set it on fire with a tennis ball! Let me show you!» Alex rushed to demonstrate, but he was forced into his seat and limited his research impulse with a piece of cheese.

Meanwhile, Rita was changed into dry clothes, her hair braided, and she became like the grandmas' idea of a decent person.

«Hot kasha! Anyone? And no more eating at the computer!» Grandma said, putting the pot on the table.

«Why is breakfast called breakfast? Because it's eaten the next day?»[2 - In Russian, the word for breakfast is zavtrak while the word for the next day is zavtra. The English word breakfast means to break the fasting through the night.] Alena asked, digging a pit in the kasha to drip butter into.

Papa, having already returned by that time, thought about it. «Good question! Well, maybe breakfast is what people leave for the next day? Let's assume, part of the food was stored in the evening?» he suggested.

«Never leave anything for the morning! Germs multiply in food! That's all! Period!» Grandma Masha cut him off.

«That's understandable,» Papa agreed. «But ancient people didn't know this. Then again, they had glaciers, and that's an excellent natural fridge.»

After breakfast Alex accidentally found an apricot stone under the bench, and he wanted to break it with a hammer and eat the kernel. In order that Grandma Masha would not stop him, he ran off with the stone and the hammer to the back room. He set the stone on firm ground, swung the hammer and… heard a voice, «One guy came from the army! He began to crack apricot stones and died. His bowel got clogged. That's all.»

Alex jerked up his head and saw Great-Grandma Zina, who lay down to rest, up on her elbows watching him from the sofa. Recapturing his right to clog his bowel, Alex ran to the kitchen and got there just at the moment of gathering. Grandma was dressing Rita and attentively watching Costa putting on his boots.

«Children go for a walk! They must have fresh air! Period!» Grandma said sternly.

«Children» were understood to be absolutely everyone, even Peter, who was already showing peach fuzz. The stubbly Peter and the other smooth-faced youngsters did not dare to protest and went for a walk. Only Papa and Mama escaped, remaining at home, but the others could not escape. It was a very proper walk under the leadership of the orderly Grandma. Everyone walked to the playground holding hands, frightened by any car appearing in the distance.

«Car!» Grandma Masha screamed in a voice that usually screams «Air raid!» and all the children rushed to the lawns, while Grandma and Great-Grandma covered them with their chests. The driver was also usually frightened, stopped, and a confusing situation emerged: Grandma suspected the driver would move right there and the driver waved his hands and pressed the horn, begging Grandma to cross the road anyway, because he could not stand around for half an hour!

The children only looked wistfully askance in the direction of the stores, not allowing themselves to whine «Buy-y-y-y!» which Rita and Costa usually started. No one whined today because they knew that Grandma would not buy anything on the street. They must eat at home. At the table. Hands washed. That is all. Period.

Great-Grandma Zina, whom Grandma also took with her to get some air, was very slow. She stopped after every few metres, leaning on a fence or a tree for support. «I'll only rest for a minute!» she said. «Earlier I was like running! Oh, I was!» And she smiled, as if she did not believe that she was telling the truth.

Finally, everyone reached the playground.

«We're building up a reserve of health!» Grandma gave the order and suddenly, remembering something, stared sternly at Great-Grandma: «Mama, did you take medicine this morning?»

«Yes!» Great-Grandma hastily said.

«Not true! Why was the sink pink? Did you throw the pill into it?»

Great-Grandma sighed. «It's so bitter! Can I at least take it with chocolate?»

«What chocolate! You can't have sugar! Only fat-free yogurt!» Grandma Masha answered curtly.

Kate and Vicky exchanged glances. They realized that Grandma and Great-Grandma had changed roles long ago. Grandma had become a mother to her own mama, and Great-Grandma her daughter.

«Let's breathe! Don't get distracted! Nothing for us to hear!» Grandma ordered.

And all the children began to walk and breathe. True, minus Peter, who took off somewhere on another path after all. Alex whined, not having the opportunity to climb or fall anywhere, but Costa and Rita walked with pleasure. Except that they regretted that while one was swinging on the swing, the other must stand ten steps from the swing, observing safety precautions.

A suitable example was even found for offenders. «One paratrooper returned from the army. He took something and went to the playground. A swing hit him on the back of his head and put him down on the spot!» Great-Grandma said, and all the children fearfully fell silent, imagining to themselves this poor paratrooper and wondering why he had stood under the swing.

Great-Grandma Zina was sitting on a painted tire sunk into the ground and was holding Rita in her lap. Rita was very fond of Great-Grandma. She had already said «I love you!» to her about ten times, but had yet to say it to Grandma, and Grandma was secretly jealous.

At noon, Grandma Masha's alarm went off. It beeped once, so very distinctly without violating established traditions. «Now lunch and admiral's hour!» Grandma said sternly and the children went home.

After lunch, Grandma doggedly packed all the children, except the three older ones, to bed.

«We close our eyes! One hour of nap during the day is five hours of sleep at night!» she said.

«So we don't have to sleep at night?» Alena asked, suffering because she, a ten-year-old, was ranked among the little ones and trapped in bed.

«Need to sleep at night, too! That's all! We rest!» Grandma said and went to put Rita down in the small room.

Rita was heard throwing a tantrum, jumping on the bed, and repeating that she would not sleep. Then everything suddenly quieted down. Ten minutes passed, then fifteen. There was not a single sound from the room. Surprised that Grandma did not come out, Alena sneaked up to the door and opened it slightly, leaving a crack. When she returned, her eyes were round.

«She's sleeping!» she whispered.

«Who? Rita?»

«Grandma! She announced the admiral's hour and fell asleep herself! Ha-ha-ha!»

«And Rita?»

«And Rita's also sleeping! Let's go!»

Alex and Costa also leaped out of bed, and all the children rushed downstairs. Downstairs, they saw Great-Grandma Zina, who was reading an old magazine through a magnifier, at times starting to doze off. Great-Grandma read a lot, and indiscriminately, everything that fell into her hands. She could attentively read the flyers used to wrap purchases from the market, five minutes later it was Preparation of History for EGE,[3 - EGE is a series of graduation exams every Russian student must pass to enter university or professional college.] forgotten by Peter on the bench, and then suddenly Remarque[4 - Erich Maria Remarque (1898–1970) was a German novelist who wrote about the horrors of war. His best known work is All Quiet on the Western Front (1928) about German soldiers in WWI.] or Chekhov[5 - Anton Pavlovich Chekhov (1860–1904) was a renowned Russian playwright and short story writer. He was also a practising medical doctor throughout most of his literary career.] appeared in her hands. Soon enough they also disappeared somewhere, but a newspaper was discovered, and Great-Grandma was again reading it.

When the children appeared downstairs, Great-Grandma raised her head and looked at them with alarm. For the first second she thought that perhaps it was Grandma Masha. Realizing that this was not Grandma, Great-Grandma smiled with relief and stopped hiding the fruit pastille, which she, breaking into pieces, was stuffing in her mouth.

Alena, Alex, and Costa surrounded Great-Grandma and began to talk with her. Very soon Peter, Vicky, and Kate joined them.

«Great-Grandma, Great-Grandma! Let's buy ice cream while Grandma is sleeping!» suggested Alena.

«Is she really sleeping?» Great-Grandma did not believe her.

«You bet! We saw it ourselves!»

Great-Grandma Zina pondered. She loved ice cream. But still she was in doubt. «One guy came from the army, ate a lot of ice cream…» she began in a squeaky voice.

«…he came down with acute tonsillitis and died?» Peter guessed.