Regan's Pride

“I’m thirty-eight,” he murmured. “You’re nearly twenty-two. I’m sixteen years your senior. We’re almost a generation apart.”

“I don’t care…!” she began breathlessly.

His head lifted. “There’s no future in it,” he said mercilessly as he searched her face with quick, hard eyes. “You’re infatuated and set on your first love affair, but it can’t, it won’t, be me. I’m long past the age of hand-holding and petting.”

She stared at him uncomprehendingly. Her body was throbbing with emotion and she wanted nothing more than his mouth on hers.

“You aren’t even listening,” he chided huskily. His gaze fell to her soft mouth. “Do you know what you’re inviting?” He drew her up on her tiptoes and his hard mouth closed slowly, expertly, on hers, teasing her lips apart with a steady insistent pressure that made her body feel swollen and shivery. She hesitated, frightened by it.

“No, you don’t,” he whispered, containing her instinctive withdrawal. “If I teach you nothing else, it’s going to be that desire isn’t a game.”

One lean hand went to her nape, holding her head steady, and then his mouth began to torment hers in brief, rough, biting kisses. He aroused her so swiftly, so completely, that she pressed into him with a harsh whimper and clung, her legs trembling against his as her young body pleaded for relief from the torment that racked it.

She had no control, but Ted never lost his. Tempestuous seconds later, he lifted his mouth from hers slowly, inch by inch, his hands contracting around her upper arms as he eased her away from him and looked down into her shattered eyes.

She knew how she must look, with her swollen mouth still pleading for his kisses, her body trembling with the residue of what he’d aroused. She couldn’t hide her reaction. But none of his showed in his face.

“Do you begin to see how dangerous it is?” he asked with unusual softness in his deep voice. “I could have you against the counter, right now. You’re too shaken, too curious, to deny me, and I’m fairly human in my needs. I can see everything you feel, everything you want, in your face. You have no defense at all.”

“But you…don’t you…want me?” she stammered.

His face contorted for an instant. Then suddenly, all expression left his face. His hands contracted and one corner of his mouth pulled up. “I want a woman,” he said mercilessly. “You’re handy. That’s all it is.”

The revelation was shattering to her ego. “Oh. Oh, I…I see.”

“I hope so. You’re very obvious lately, Coreen. You hang around the ranch waiting for me, you dress up when I come into the feed store. It’s flattering, but I don’t want your juvenile attention or your misplaced infatuation. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but that’s how it is. You aren’t the kind of woman who attracts me. You have the body and the outlook of an adolescent.”

She went scarlet. Had she been so obvious? She moved back from him, her arms crossing over her breasts. She was devastated.

His jaw tautened as he looked at her wounded expression, but he didn’t recant. “Don’t take it so hard,” he said curtly. “You’ll learn soon enough that we have to settle for what we can get in life. I’ll send Billy for supplies from now on. And you’ll find some excuse not to come out to the ranch to see Sandy. Won’t you?”

She managed to nod. With a tight smile and threatening tears, she escaped the storeroom and somehow got through the rest of the day. Ted had paused at the front steps to look back at her, an expression of such pain on his face for an instant that she might have been forgiven for thinking he’d lied to her about his feelings. But later she decided that it must have been the sunlight reflecting off those cold blue eyes. He’d let her down hard, but if he couldn’t return her feelings, maybe it was kinder in the long run.

From then on, Ted sent his foreman to buy supplies and never set foot in the feed store again. Coreen saw him occasionally on the streets of Jacobsville, the town being so small that it was impossible to avoid people forever. But she didn’t look at him or speak to him. They went to the same cafeteria for lunch one day, totally by chance, and she left her coffee sitting untouched and went out the back way as he was being seated. Once she caught him watching her from across the street, his face faintly bemused, but he never came close. If he had, she’d have been gone like a shot. Perhaps he knew that. Her fragile pride had taken a hard knock.

She was eventually invited out to the ranch to visit Sandy, again, supposedly with Ted’s blessing. Rather than make Sandy suspicious about her motives, she went, but first she made absolutely sure that Ted was out of town or at least away from the ranch. Sandy noticed and mentioned it, emphasizing that Ted had said it was perfectly all right for her to be there. Coreen wouldn’t discuss it, no matter how much Sandy pried.

Once, after that, Ted came upon her unexpectedly at a social event. She’d gone with Sandy to a square dance to celebrate her twenty-second birthday. Neither of them had dates. Sandy hadn’t mentioned that her brother had planned to go until they were already there. In the middle of a square dance, Coreen found herself passed from one partner to the other until she came face-to-face with a somber Ted. To his surprise, and everyone else’s, she walked off the dance floor and went home.

Gossip ran rampant in Jacobsville after that, because it was the first time in memory that any woman had snubbed Ted Regan publicly. Her father found it curious and amusing. Sandy was devastated; but it was the last time she tried to play Cupid.

There was one social event that Coreen hadn’t planned on attending, since Ted would certainly be there. Her father belonged to a gun club and Coreen had always gone with him to target practice and meetings. Ted was the club president.

Coreen had long since stopped going to the club, but when the annual dance came around, her father insisted that she attend. She didn’t want to. Sandy had already told her in a puzzled way that Ted went wild every time Coreen’s name was mentioned since that square dance. She probably wondered if it was something more than having Coreen snub him at the dance, but she was too polite to ask.

Ted’s venomous glare when he saw her at the gun club party was unsettling. She was wearing a sequined silver dress with spaghetti straps and a low V-neckline, with silver high heels dyed to match it. Her black hair had been waist-length at the time, and it was in a complicated coiffure with tiny wisps curling around her oval face. She looked devastating and the other men in attendance paid her compliments and danced with her. Ted danced with no one. He nursed a whiskey soda on the sidelines, talked to the other men present and glared at Coreen.

He seemed angry out of all proportion to her attendance. Ted had been wearing a dinner jacket with a ruffled white shirt and diamond-and-gold cuff links, and expensive black slacks. There was a red carnation in his lapel. The unattached women fell over themselves trying to attract him, but he ignored them. And then, incredibly, Ted had taken her by the hand, without asking if she wanted to dance, and pulled her into his arms.

Her heart had beaten her breathless while they slowly circled the floor. This was more than a duty dance, because his pale blue eyes were narrowed with anger. As the lights lowered, he’d maneuvered her to the side door and out into the moonlit darkness. There, he’d all but thrown her back against the wall.

“Why did you come tonight?” he said tersely. His blue eyes flared like matches as he stared at her in the light from the inside.

“Not because of you,” she began quickly, ready to explain that she hadn’t wanted to attend in the first place, but her well-meaning father had insisted. He didn’t know about her crush on Ted. He wanted her to meet some eligible men.

“No?” Ted had challenged. His cold gaze had wandered over her and his lids came down to cover the expression in them. “You want me. Your eyes tell me so every time you look at me. You can walk away from dances or refuse to speak to me on the street, but you’re only fooling yourself if you think it doesn’t show!”

Her dark blue eyes had glittered up at him with temper. “You’re very conceited!”

He’d paused to light a cigarette, but as his eyes swept over her, he suddenly tossed it off the porch into the sand and stepped forward. “It isn’t conceit.” He bit off the words, jerking her into his body.

His hand caught her by the nape and held her face poised for the downward descent of his. Her missed breath was audible.

The look in her eyes made him hesitate. Despite all her denials, she looked as if he was offering her heaven. Her breath came in sharp little jerks that were audible.

That excited him. His free hand went to her bodice and spread at the top of the V-neckline against her soft, warm skin. She gasped and as her mouth opened, his lips parted and settled on it. Her faint, anguished moan sent him spinning right off the edge of the world.

He forgot her age and his conscience the second he felt her soft, warm mouth tremble before it began to answer the insistent pressure of his own. He remembered too well the first taste he’d had of her, because his dreams had tormented him ever since. He’d thought he was imagining the pleasure he’d had with her, but he wasn’t. The reality was just as devastating as the memory, and he couldn’t help himself.

The hand behind her head contracted, bringing her mouth in to closer contact with his, and his free hand slid uninhibitedly down inside her bodice to cover one small, hard-tipped breast.

She protested, but not strongly enough to deter him. The feel of that big, warm, callused hand so intimately on her skin made her tremble with new sensations. She clung to his arms while he tasted and touched. She barely noticed the tiny strap being eased down her arm, or the slow relinquishing of her mouth, until she felt his mouth slide down her throat, over her collarbone and finally onto the warm silkiness of her breast.

She made a harsh sound and her nails bit into his arms.

“Don’t cry out,” he whispered at her breast. “Bite back those exciting little cries or we’re going to become the evening’s entertainment.” His hand lifted her gently to his waiting mouth. He took the hard nipple inside and slowly, tenderly, began to suckle her.

She wept noiselessly at the ecstasy of his touch, clinging, shivering, as his mouth pleasured her. When it lifted, she hung against him, yielded, waiting, her eyes half-closed and misty with arousal. He looked at her face for one long instant before he pushed the other strap down her arm and watched the silky material fall to her waist. His hands arched her and his head bent. He hesitated just long enough to fill his eyes with the exquisite sight of her bare breasts before he took her inside his hungry mouth, and for a few brief, incandescent seconds, she flew among the stars with him.

She slumped against him when he finally managed to stop. She heard him dragging in long, ragged breaths while he lifted her bodice back into place and eased the shoulder straps up to support it. Then he held her while she shivered.

“Am I the first?” he asked roughly.

“Yes.” She couldn’t have lied to him. She was too weak.

The callused hands at her back contracted bruisingly for a minute. He cursed under his breath, furiously. “This is wrong. Wrong!” He bit off the words. “You’re so young…!”

Her soft cheek nuzzled against his throat. “I love you,” she whispered. “I love you more than my own life.”

“Stop it!” He pushed her away. His eyes were frightening, glittery and dangerous. He moved back, his face rigid with controlled passion, tormented. “I don’t want your love!”

She looked at him sadly, her big blue eyes soft and gentle and vulnerable. “I know,” she said.

His face corded until it looked like a mask over the lean framework of his cheekbones. His fists clenched at his sides. “Stay away from me, Coreen,” he said huskily. “I have nothing to give you. Nothing at all.”

“I know that, too,” she said, her voice calm even as her legs trembled under her. At that moment, he looked capable of the worst kind of violence. “You won’t believe me, but I only came tonight because my father wanted me to.”

His face looked drawn, older. His eyes were like a rainy day, full of storms. “Don’t build any dreams on what just happened. It was only sex,” he said bluntly. “That’s all it was, just a flash of sexual need that got loose for a minute. I’ll never marry, and love isn’t in my vocabulary.”