Skulduggery Pleasant: Books 1 - 12

“You don’t look too happy.”

“Well, I don’t want to go back to that world – a boring old town with nosy neighbours and nasty aunts.”

“You’d rather stay in a world where you get attacked twice in one night?”

“I know it sounds crazy, but yes. Things happen here.”

“I’m going to see a friend later today, someone who might be able to help us out. You can come along if you want.”

“Really?”

“I think you might have a real feel for this line of work.”

Stephanie nodded and gave a little shrug, and when she spoke she fought hard to keep the sheer joy out of her voice. “And what about magic?”

“What about it?”

“Will you teach me?”

“You don’t even know if you’re capable of doing magic.”

“How do I find out? Is there a test or something?”

“Yes, we cut off your head. If it grows back, you can do magic.”

“You’re being funny again, aren’t you?”

“So glad you noticed.”

“So will you teach me?”

“I’m not a teacher. I’m a detective. I already have a career.”

“Oh, right. It’s just, I’d really like to learn, and you know it all.”

“Your flattery is subtle.”

“But it’s OK, if you don’t want to teach me, that’s OK. I suppose I could always ask China.”

Skulduggery looked at her. “China won’t teach you. She won’t teach you because there is nothing that she does that is not for her own gain. You mightn’t see it at first, you might think she’s actually being nice to you, but you can never trust her.”

“OK then.”

“OK. So we’re agreed?”

“We’re agreed. No trusting China.”

“Good. Glad we’ve got that sorted.”

“So will you teach me magic?”

He sighed. “Dealing with you is going to be a trial, isn’t it?”

“That’s what my teachers at school say.”

“This is going to be fun,” Skulduggery said dryly. “I just know it.”

Skulduggery dropped Stephanie off at Gordon’s house, and half an hour later her mother’s car splashed through huge puddles and Stephanie went outside to meet her. She managed to keep her mother’s attention off the house, lest she notice that the front door was merely leaning against the doorframe.

“Good morning,” her mother said as Stephanie got in the car. “Everything OK?”

Stephanie nodded. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“You’re looking a little bedraggled.”

“Oh, thanks Mum.”

Her mother laughed as they drove back towards the gate. “Sorry. So tell me, how was your night?”

Stephanie hesitated, then shrugged. “Uneventful.”

7 (#uc5ba8f49-417d-5055-bd14-fce225737aba)

SERPINE

efarian Serpine had a visitor.

The Hollow Men bowed deeply as he strode through the corridors of his castle. They looked real from a distance, but up close they were nothing more than cheap imitations of life. Their papery skin was a mere expressionless shell, inflated from within by the foulest of gases. It was only their hands and feet that were solid and heavy – their feet clumped when they walked and their hands weighed down their arms, so they stood with a perpetual stoop.

Their number increased the closer he got to the main hall. They were simple creatures, but they did what they were told, and they hadn’t known what to make of the visitor. Serpine entered the main hall, the crowd of Hollow Men parted and a man in a dark suit turned to him.

“Mr Bliss,” Serpine said politely. “I thought you were dead.”

“I heard that too,” Bliss responded. He was an elegant man of muscle and mass, as tall as Serpine, but whereas Serpine had black hair and glittering emerald green eyes, Bliss was bald, with eyes of the palest blue. “In fact, it was a rumour I started. I thought it might make people leave me alone in my retirement.”

“And has it?”

“Unfortunately, no.”

Serpine motioned for the Hollow Men to leave them and then led his guest into the drawing room.

“Can I get you a drink?” Serpine asked, heading to the liquor cabinet. “Or is it too early in the day?”

“I’m here on business,” Bliss said. “Elder business.”

Serpine turned, gave him a smile. “And how are the Elders?”

“Worried.”