Navy Blues

His sister eyed him skeptically, seeking his confidence, but Steve wasn’t going to give it. This dinner with his ex-wife was simply the meeting of two lonely people struggling to make it through the holidays. Nothing less and certainly nothing more. Although he’d been looking for Carol to deny that she was involved with Todd, she hadn’t. Steve considered her refusal to talk about the other man as good as an admission of guilt. That bastard had left her alone for Christmas two years running.

If Lindy was right and his mood had improved, Steve decided, it was simply because he was going to be out of his sister’s and Rush’s hair for the evening; the newlyweds could spend their first Christmas Eve together without a third party butting in.

Steve reached for his coat, and Lindy turned around, her dark eyes wide with surprise. “You’re leaving.”

Steve nodded, buttoning the thick wool jacket.

“But … it’s Christmas Eve.”

“I know.” He tucked the box of candy under his arm and lifted the bright red poinsettia he’d purchased on impulse earlier in the day.

“Where are you going?”

Steve would have liked to say a friend’s house, but that wouldn’t be true. He didn’t know how to classify his relationship with Carol. Not a friend. Not a lover. More than an acquaintance, less than a wife.

“You’re going to Carol’s, aren’t you?” Lindy prompted.

The last thing Steve wanted was his sister to get the wrong impression about this evening with Carol, because that’s all there was going to be. “It’s not what you think.”

Lindy raised her hands in mock consternation. “I’m not thinking a single thing, except that it’s good to see you smile again.”

Steve’s frown was heavy with purpose. “Well, don’t read more into it than there is.”

“Are the two of you going to talk?” Lindy asked, and her dark eyes fairly danced with deviltry.

“We’re going to eat, not talk,” Steve explained with limited patience. “We don’t have anything in common anymore. I’ll probably be home before ten.”

“Whatever you say,” Lindy answered, but her lips twitched with the effort to suppress a knowing smile. “Have a good time.”

Steve chose not to answer that comment and left the apartment, but as soon as he was outside, he discovered he was whistling again and stopped abruptly.

* * *

Carol slipped the compact disk into the player and set the volume knob so that the soft Christmas music swirled festively through the house. A small turkey was roasting in the oven, stuffed with Steve’s favorite sage dressing. Two pies were cooling on the kitchen counter—pumpkin for Steve, mincemeat for her. To be on the safe side a sweet-potato-pecan pie was in the fridge.

Carol chose a red silk dress that whispered enticingly against her soft skin. Her makeup and perfume had been applied with a subtle hand. Everything was ready.

Well, almost everything.

She and Steve were two different people now, and there was no getting around the fact. Regretting the past was an exercise in futility, and yet Carol had been overwhelmed these past few days with the realization that the divorce had been wrong. Very wrong. All the emotion she’d managed to bury this past year had seeped to the surface since her meeting with Steve and she couldn’t remember a time when she’d been more confused.

She wanted a child, and she was using her ex-husband. More than once in the past week, she’d been forced to deal with twinges of guilt. But there was no going back. It would be impossible to recapture what had been between them before the divorce. There could be no reconciliation. Even more difficult than the past, Carol had trouble dealing with the present. They couldn’t come in contact with each other without the sparks igniting. It made everything more difficult. They were both too stubborn, too temperamental, too obstinate.

And it was ruining their lives.

Carol felt they couldn’t go back and yet they couldn’t step forward, either. The idea of seducing Steve and getting pregnant had, in the beginning, been entirely selfish. She wanted a baby and she considered Steve the best candidate … the only candidate. After their one short meeting at the restaurant, Carol knew her choice of the baby’s father went far beyond the practical. A part of her continued to love Steve, and probably always would. She wanted his child because it was the only part of him she would ever be able to have.

Everything hinged on the outcome of this dinner. Carol pressed her hands over her flat stomach and issued a fervent prayer that she was fertile. Twice in the past hour she’d taken her temperature, praying her body would do its part in this master plan. Her temperature was slightly elevated, but that could be caused by the hot sensation that went through her at the thought of sharing a bed with Steve again. Or it could be sheer nerves.

All day she’d been feeling anxious and restless with anticipation. She was convinced Steve would take one look at her and instantly know she intended for him to spend the night. The crux of her scheme was for Steve to think their making love was his idea. Again and again, her plans for the evening circled her mind, slowly, like the churning blades of a windmill stirring the air.

The doorbell chimed, and inhaling a calming breath, Carol forced a smile, walked across the room and opened the door for her ex-husband. “Merry Christmas,” she said softly.

Steve handed her the poinsettia as though he couldn’t get rid of the flower fast enough. His gaze didn’t quite meet hers. In fact, he seemed to be avoiding looking at her, which pleased Carol because it told her that the red dress was having exactly the effect she’d hoped for.

“Thank you for the flower,” she said and set it in the middle of the coffee table. “You didn’t need to do that.”

“I remembered how you used to buy three and four of those silly things each year and figured one more couldn’t hurt.”

“It was thoughtful of you, and I appreciate it.” She held out her hand to take his coat.

Steve placed a small package under the tree and gave her a shy look. “Frangos,” he explained awkwardly. “I suppose they’re still your favorite candy.”

“Yes. I have a little something for you, too.”

Steve peeled off his heavy jacket and handed it to her. “I’m not looking for any gifts from you. I brought the flowers and candy because I wanted to contribute something toward dinner.”

“My gift isn’t much, Steve.”

“Save it for someone else. Okay?”

Her temper nearly slipped then, but Carol managed to keep it intact. Her smile was just a little more forced when she turned from hanging his jacket in the hall closet, but she hoped he hadn’t noticed.

“Would you like a hot-buttered rum before we eat?” she offered.

“That sounds good.”

He followed her into the kitchen and brought the bottle of rum down from the top cupboard while she put water on to boil.

“When did you cut your hair?” he asked unexpectedly.

Absently Carol’s fingers touched the straight, thick strands that crowded the side of her head. “Several months ago now.”

“I liked it better when you wore it longer.” Gritting her teeth, she managed to bite back the words to inform him that she styled her hair to suit herself these days, not him.

* * *

Steve saw the flash of irritation in his ex-wife’s eyes and felt a little better. The comment about her hair wasn’t what she’d wanted to hear; she’d been waiting for him to tell her how beautiful she looked. The problem was, he hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her from the moment he entered the house. The wisecrack was a result of one flirtatious curl of blond hair that swayed when she moved. He hadn’t been able to look past that single golden lock. Neither could he stop staring at the shape of her lips nor the curve of her chin, nor the appealing color of her china blue eyes. When he’d met her at Denny’s the other night he’d been on the defensive, waiting for her to drop her bombshell. All his protective walls were lowered now. He would have liked to blame it on the Christmas holidays, but he realized it was more than that, and what he saw gave him cause to tremble. Carol was as sensuous and appealing to him as she’d always been. Perhaps more so.

Already he knew what was going to happen. They would spend half the evening verbally circling each other in an anxious search for common ground. But there wasn’t one for them … not anymore. Tonight was an evening out of sequence, and when it had passed they would return to their respective lives.

When Carol finished mixing their drinks, they wandered into the living room and talked. The alcohol seemed to alleviate some of the tension. Steve filled the silence with details of what had been happening in Lindy’s life and in his career.

“You’ve done well for yourself,” Carol admitted, and there was a spark of pride in her eyes that warmed him.

Steve didn’t inquire about her career because it would involve asking about Todd, and the man was a subject he’d sworn he would avoid at all costs. Carol didn’t volunteer any information, either. She knew the unwritten ground rules.

A half hour later, Steve helped her carry their meal to the table.