Forever Yours

He looked away from her and wiped his hands along his face as he fought for some measure of control. This was his wife, he reminded himself, who he had once loved more than anything—whom he still loved. These were his children, his own flesh and blood—yet he swore he almost felt hatred for them as they flung the door open and ran into the room crying and sniffling.

“Darlings,” Elizabeth cooed, opening her arms and allowing their dark-haired “darlings” to crawl into their bed. Their youngest, Jamie, who was not yet two, struggled to climb up the tall bed. Christian hefted him up and watched as Jamie scrambled out of his hold in order to cuddle up to his mother. His four children were now nestled against Elizabeth’s generous breasts, their faces pressed into the starched linen of her gown, which concealed the sweet scent of her flesh.

His children were exactly where he longed to be. A place he hadn’t really been since the birth of Rachel, their third child. Christ, had it really been three years since Rachel had been born? Three years since their marriage and sex life had begun to dwindle, then all but grind to a halt? Three years of living with someone he no longer knew or felt close to.

“Papa, your knee is against my back and it’s hurting.”

That was John, their second child. He was only six, but tonight, for Christian, he was much too old to be running to his mama because of a little thunder and lightning.

As John grunted and shoved him away, Christian swore beneath his breath. Snatching the sheet covering his waist he tore it from the bed. Elizabeth glared at him.

“I’m sick to death of this,” he blurted. He saw the blue gaze of his oldest son peeking out at him from the protection of his mother’s arm. Unable to help it, he glared angrily at him—a frightened eight-year-old boy—then turned his back, hating himself for what he had just done to his son.

“Christian,” Elizabeth sighed, the sound so full of confusion and disapproval. “What is it you want?”

A fucking wife! But he could hardly say that in front of his children. So instead he said nothing, only sighed, knowing she would understand exactly what was wrong. Their marriage was over. It had been for some time now. It was well past time they admitted it to themselves — there was nothing left. Nothing except resentment, distance and emptiness.

“Where are you going?” she asked as he stalked to the connecting door to his chamber.

“I’m leaving.”

Silence followed him. There was no plea for him to stay, no tears and whispered words of love. Nothing that showed him she cared a thing for him.

Did she give a damn? Did she care that there was nothing left of their marriage, or was it merely a relief for her to know she no longer had to put up with him?

Chapter Two

“Your eyes do not have that sparkle, Elizabeth.”

Tilting her head, Elizabeth tried to smile. She doubted anything could make her eyes sparkle. Not now, not after it was so apparent that her marriage was over. But she could hardly explain that to her friend. He was a man and a bachelor. He would not understand the complexities of a woman in her sexual prime, nor the intricacies of marriage.

“No, no,” Adrian muttered, rising from behind his easel. “Your head is tilted all wrong. You will want the sun to shine on your face. You have such lovely features and the sunlight will only enhance them.”

“You’ll see the lines around my eyes,” she grumbled. “Sunlight is so very unforgiving on a thirty-five-year-old woman’s face.”

“Nonsense. You’ve nothing to be concerned about, Elizabeth. You’re beautiful. Lovely.” Kneeling before her, Adrian fussed with her skirt, fluffing it and spreading it out at her feet. Next he gripped her shoulders and posed her so that her bosom was more pronounced and her waist turned, making it appear slimmer. When their gazes collided, she could not hide the wetness in her eyes. “What’s this, Elizabeth?” he asked, wiping away a crystal drop.

“Nothing,” she sniffed. Tilting her chin away, she broke the contact of his fingers. Avoiding his concerned expression, Elizabeth stared out the window of the conservatory that overlooked the long gravel drive of the Sutcliffe estate.

“I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you cry before.”

“The sun is bright.”

Clasping his hands on her cheeks, he turned her so that she was looking at him. “You haven’t been yourself for months, Eliza. Tell me. You do know there is nothing you cannot tell me.”

They were the very best of friends, had been since childhood when they had lived down a lane from each other. She had known Adrian longer than her husband, and Elizabeth had the sinking feeling she knew him much better than she knew Christian.

Christian…her husband. Where was he? What was he doing? He hadn’t been home in a sennight, not since…she swallowed hard. Not since that night when they had been making love…no, not love, they no longer made love…they had been having sex, and the children had disturbed them. How furious he had been with them, and her. He had left and not come back, leaving her to wonder what would become of them.

Had he found another? Was he visiting the brothels of London? Had he secured himself a mistress? She had never thought him capable of betraying her, but much had changed in the past few years and now she wasn’t so sure of him, or herself. She hardly knew him anymore. He certainly was not the man she had married.

It made her retch, thinking of him in bed with another woman, his beautiful hands stroking her breasts and thighs. She thought of all the endearments, all the love words he had once whispered in her ear, then imagined him saying them to another and she broke out into a sob.

“What is it?” Adrian asked again. His voice was so soft, so concerned. Adrian would understand. He always seemed to understand her, where Christian hadn’t sought to understand her needs for the past three years.

“Is it Sutcliffe?” he asked. When she nodded, he blew out a breath and brushed his thumbs along her cheeks, wiping away her tears. “He no longer satisfies you,” Adrian stated flatly.

Nodding, Elizabeth balled up a linen square and dabbed at her eyes. “Yes,” she whispered, ashamed to confess something like that in front of Adrian. She was shocked by how much it hurt to finally admit the truth. “He does not make me happy. I…I haven’t been since before…well, after Jamie’s birth. It’s as if we are distant acquaintances passing one another from time to time. We no longer talk, touch…kiss,” she hiccupped. “I hardly know him anymore. We’ve become strangers to one another.”

“How can that be?”

Tears fell in earnest from her eyes, and Elizabeth did nothing to stop them. “He does not want me as a woman, Adrian. He no longer desires me. It’s as if he is only doing a duty when he comes to my bed. He hurries on with the business and it leaves me frustrated and yearning. It is obvious that he no longer wants me, or our children. It is obvious he is no longer happy with me. Even now he is in London, doing God knows what—probably bedding every woman under the age of twenty-five. I can’t compete with those young women anymore, Adrian. I can’t give him what he needs.”

“Come here.” Adrian held out his arms to her. Silently, she pressed forward and allowed him to hold her. There were no words, no admonishment for crying or command that she cease sobbing, no statements about what to do to fix things. Christian always tried to talk her fears away. He always wanted to fix whatever it was that troubled her, but never once had he mentioned trying to repair their marriage. The simple fact was, he didn’t care that it was ending.

“I am here for you,” Adrian murmured, holding her tighter to him as she sobbed. “I am here, Eliza, in whatever way you may need.”

Raising her head, Elizabeth looked at him through watery eyes. He comprehended her—completely. Why couldn’t Christian understand her like Adrian?

As they looked into each other’s eyes, Elizabeth saw a dark curtain suddenly draw across Adrian’s green eyes. Despite her openness with him, she knew he hid much from her. There was so much about Adrian that she did not know, that he would not speak of.

What was he thinking now? Did he fear she might accept his offer? Did he know that she yearned not for a husband, but a lover? A man to worship her body and fulfill the sexual urges she felt? Was he hoping to be that man, or did he secretly fear her asking him?

“Elizabeth.” He pulled away from her. “I can hardly believe I am going to say something so contrived, so trite,” he rasped, pressing his lips to her brow and kissing her gently. “But a marriage is like a garden. It needs to be tended year after year. To be cultivated and fed. And when the weeds begin to sprout, as they always do, they need to be plucked—immediately. Sometimes love just isn’t enough to keep two people together. Do you understand, Eliza, what I mean?”

She did understand him. She had neglected their marriage, and now it was being choked, stifled by stagnation and complacency. By routine and fatigue. She had taken Christian for granted. She had expected him to know what she wanted, what she desired—in and out of bed. She hadn’t thought to ask for it; she had thought he should simply know.

“Your thinking is all wrong, you know. You’re a beautiful woman, Elizabeth, and very desirable. Any man would give his soul to have you in his bed.”

Smiling, Elizabeth dabbed at her eyes. “I wish,” she murmured into her linen kerchief, “that my husband agreed with your assessment of my desirability. I fear ten years and four children later that desirability is severely in question.”

“Do you want to know what the allure of a thirty-five-year-old woman is for a man?” Adrian asked. “It’s confidence. Maturity. Acceptance. The confidence to pursue what she desires and know what she wants. There are no coy games, no crying and stomping and pouting like there is with young, silly girls. Older women have the maturity to ask for it—demand it, whatever they want, be it in life or the bedroom. They accept the fact that they can be both mother and wife as well as a sexual creature with the same needs as their husbands. Those young women you worry about,” he whispered in her ear, “are no threat to you. Learn to ask for what you want. Demand you be allowed to do whatever you want to him, and I guarantee you, he will be yours. Never doubt, Elizabeth, that Sutcliffe is still yours. How could he leave someone as lovely, as desirable, as sexual as you?”

* * *

Desirable…sexual…

Christian stood in the doorway of the conservatory watching his wife in the arms of Adrian Wallace. Goddamn bastard! He had always known that Adrian coveted his wife. Had always feared that one day, Adrian might replace him in Elizabeth’s affection.

And why not? Adrian was a rogue. A dark and romantic artist with a hint of danger about him. What woman wouldn’t fall for him with his black tousled hair and green eyes that always seemed to flash a sensual invitation. Why wouldn’t Elizabeth desire someone like Adrian? Hell, half the women of London practically threw themselves at his feet. But by God, his wife—Elizabeth—would not be one of them! Over his dead body would he allow her to toss away their marriage for a romp in the artist’s bed.

So what if he wasn’t as romantic as Adrian? So what if he couldn’t shoot Elizabeth smoldering looks from beneath black lashes. Christ, he’d made her a duchess on their wedding day. He’d given her wealth and land and estates beyond her imaginings. He’d given her four beautiful, healthy children, and the creation of those children had been passionate and loving. He had given Elizabeth everything of himself, which, he was willing to bet, was more than Adrian Wallace would give Elizabeth, or indeed, any woman.

By God, he wasn’t just going to stand here and allow his wife to slip through his hands. Nor was he going to let her forget what had brought them together—love, and an incredible passion for each other.

This marriage was not over. He had realized that this past week. He’d spent the past days away from her, dying for her. He would have sold his soul for just a glimpse of her and her smile, some sign that she still wanted him, that he still held a place in her heart, no matter how small.

He’d reached the conclusion that although he hadn’t been happy for a while, it was not because of Elizabeth. It was not because he was tired of her, or because he desired someone else. He wasn’t happy because his marriage was dying, and it was all because he’d let it go to rot.