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Так получилось, что книга ко мне попала в тяжелый эмоциональный кризис и многое мне дала. Написано актуально, тут многих полезных вещей, никакого злоу...
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The Firing Line
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She was crying.
"If you're feeling guilty on Shiela's account, you needn't," he said. "Didn't you know she can scarcely endure me?"
"Y-yes."
"Well, then—"
"No—no—no! Louis—I care too much—"
"For yourself?"
"N-no."
"For me? For Shiela? For public opinion?"
"No."
"For what?"
"I—I think it must be for—for—just for being—decent."
He inspected her with lively interest.
"Hello," he said coolly, "you're disproving our theory!"
She turned her face away from him, touching her eyes with her handkerchief.
"Or," he added ironically, "is there another man?"
"No," she said without resentment; and there was a certain quality in her voice new to him—a curious sweetness that he had never before perceived.
"Tell me," he said quietly, "have you really suffered?"
"Suffered? Yes."
"You really cared for me?"
"I do still."
A flicker of the old malice lighted his face.
"But you won't let me kiss you? Why?"
She looked up into his eyes. "I feel as powerless with you as I was before. You could always have had your will. Once I would not have blamed you. Now it would be cowardly—because—I have forgiven myself—"
"I won't disturb your vows," he said seriously.
"Then—I think you had better go."
"I am going.... I only wanted to see you again.... May I ask you something, dear?"
"Ask it," she said.
"Then—you are going to get over this, aren't you?"
"Not as long as you live, Louis."
"Oh!… And suppose I were not living?"
"I don't know."
"You'd recover, wouldn't you?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"Well, you'd never have any other temptation—"
She turned scarlet.
"That is wicked!"
"It certainly is," he said with great gravity; "and I must come to the scarcely flattering conclusion that there is in me a source of hideous depravity, the unseen emanations of which, like those of the classic upas-tree, are purest poison to a woman morally constituted as you are."
She looked up as he laughed; but there was no mirth in her bewildered eyes.
"There is something in you, Louis, which is fatal to the better side of me."
"The other Virginia couldn't endure me, I know."
"My other self learned to love your better self."
"I have none—"
"I have seen it revealed in—"
"Oh, yes," he laughed, "revealed in what you used to call one of my infernal flashes of chivalry."
"Yes," she said quietly, "in that."
He sat very still there in the afternoon sunshine, pondering; and sometimes his gaze searched the valley depths below, lost among the tree-tops; sometimes he studied the far horizon where the little blue hills stood up against the sky like little blue waves at sea. His hat was off; the cliff breeze played with his dark curly hair, lifting it at the temples, stirring the one obstinate strand that never lay quite flat on the crown of his head.
Twice she looked around as though to interrupt his preoccupation, but he neither responded nor even seemed to be aware of her; and she sighed imperceptibly and followed his errant eyes with her own.
At last:
"Is there no way out of it for you, Louis? I am not thinking of myself," she added simply.
He turned fully around.
"If you're feeling guilty on Shiela's account, you needn't," he said. "Didn't you know she can scarcely endure me?"
"Y-yes."
"Well, then—"
"No—no—no! Louis—I care too much—"
"For yourself?"
"N-no."
"For me? For Shiela? For public opinion?"
"No."
"For what?"
"I—I think it must be for—for—just for being—decent."
He inspected her with lively interest.
"Hello," he said coolly, "you're disproving our theory!"
She turned her face away from him, touching her eyes with her handkerchief.
"Or," he added ironically, "is there another man?"
"No," she said without resentment; and there was a certain quality in her voice new to him—a curious sweetness that he had never before perceived.
"Tell me," he said quietly, "have you really suffered?"
"Suffered? Yes."
"You really cared for me?"
"I do still."
A flicker of the old malice lighted his face.
"But you won't let me kiss you? Why?"
She looked up into his eyes. "I feel as powerless with you as I was before. You could always have had your will. Once I would not have blamed you. Now it would be cowardly—because—I have forgiven myself—"
"I won't disturb your vows," he said seriously.
"Then—I think you had better go."
"I am going.... I only wanted to see you again.... May I ask you something, dear?"
"Ask it," she said.
"Then—you are going to get over this, aren't you?"
"Not as long as you live, Louis."
"Oh!… And suppose I were not living?"
"I don't know."
"You'd recover, wouldn't you?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"Well, you'd never have any other temptation—"
She turned scarlet.
"That is wicked!"
"It certainly is," he said with great gravity; "and I must come to the scarcely flattering conclusion that there is in me a source of hideous depravity, the unseen emanations of which, like those of the classic upas-tree, are purest poison to a woman morally constituted as you are."
She looked up as he laughed; but there was no mirth in her bewildered eyes.
"There is something in you, Louis, which is fatal to the better side of me."
"The other Virginia couldn't endure me, I know."
"My other self learned to love your better self."
"I have none—"
"I have seen it revealed in—"
"Oh, yes," he laughed, "revealed in what you used to call one of my infernal flashes of chivalry."
"Yes," she said quietly, "in that."
He sat very still there in the afternoon sunshine, pondering; and sometimes his gaze searched the valley depths below, lost among the tree-tops; sometimes he studied the far horizon where the little blue hills stood up against the sky like little blue waves at sea. His hat was off; the cliff breeze played with his dark curly hair, lifting it at the temples, stirring the one obstinate strand that never lay quite flat on the crown of his head.
Twice she looked around as though to interrupt his preoccupation, but he neither responded nor even seemed to be aware of her; and she sighed imperceptibly and followed his errant eyes with her own.
At last:
"Is there no way out of it for you, Louis? I am not thinking of myself," she added simply.
He turned fully around.
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Последний отзыв
Так получилось, что книга ко мне попала в тяжелый эмоциональный кризис и многое мне дала. Написано актуально, тут многих полезных вещей, никакого злоу...
Далее