The Good Mum

FIVE MINUTES LATER, Ashley met Brandon at the bench beside Headmaster Pingree’s office.

He looked at her hopefully. “Will Dr. Lowe be tutoring me now?”

Pushing away the guilt she felt for disappointing him, she shook her head and chose her words carefully. “Brandon, I want to make sure you’re okay. You got some big news today.”

He hung his head. “I’m sorry, Mom. I don’t want to see you worried.”

“When you told me not to worry this morning, did you know that you’d failed the pretest?”

He shook his head. “I found out for sure after you did.”

“But you suspected it?”

He stared at his hands. “I try not to think bad things, Mom. I always try to think positive thoughts. You know that.”

Yes, she did. That was important to him—she knew her son. And at least she could feel better that he hadn’t outright lied to her. “Could you help me understand something, Brandon? What happened with your studies this summer? You seemed to be working so hard.”

He shrugged and didn’t meet her eyes. “There was so much to do. I guess I just didn’t get it.” He looked bewildered.

“School has always been pretty easy for you.”

“It’s different here,” he mumbled.

“I know. And Aunt Lisbeth used to spend hours locked in the library when we were kids. Maybe she studies differently than you do.”

“I have a life, Mom,” he said indignantly.

This was where it got sticky. She nodded. “I know you want to keep up with your friends and your social media. I know you want to suit up and be a ball boy this weekend, Brandon. But life is about choices. You need to decide which is most important to you.”

“I can do both. My social life and school.”

“Perhaps. But you aren’t doing them well right now. And I’m afraid that if you fall behind in math, it’ll just get worse. And all the connections you have can’t help you if you don’t pass the tests. It’s on you, Brandon.

“If you’re going to stay here, you need to take responsibility for the work, not anyone else. That was made quite clear with me today. That’s why I’ve been in meetings all morning about it.”

She sighed. “Look, I would tutor you myself if I could. But I’m afraid I was never strong at math. I took as little of it as I could get away with when I was in school. And now you’re at a higher level than I ever saw.”

He worried his lip. “What if I can’t pass it?”

She looked at him sadly. “We can’t think that way. Positive, remember?”

“I know, but...what if I can’t pass the next test? It’s in October. If I can’t pass that one, then I’ll have to leave at the end of the semester, right?”

She didn’t say the obvious. “We will take one step at a time,” she said firmly.

“You can tell me the truth, Mom,” he said.

She sighed. “If you don’t pass, it won’t be the end of the world. You’ll just have to go back to your old school.” And he wouldn’t get as good a foundation for a preparatory high school followed by college entrance exams. Medical school would seem that much more difficult to achieve.

God, he’s only twelve! How can he have so much pressure on him?

Brandon glanced down. “Did Dr. Lowe not like me?” he asked in a small voice. “It seems like you’re saying he’s not going to tutor me. I have a feeling he could really help me.”

She put her arm around her son, her heart breaking. It reminded her of the day, four years earlier, when she’d had to leave him to go into rehab. When they’d sat in the therapist’s office and broken the difficult news to Brandon. He’d taken it in stride, but he’d been just a little boy then. The conversation had been harder for her than for him.

Now...

He was growing up. Things were different.

She swallowed, aware that she had to do this parenting on her own. No counselor to help her.

But she was doing it.

“Brandon,” she said carefully, “Dr. Lowe has a lot on his plate right now. His decision has nothing to do with you.”

Brandon hung his head sadly. “Yeah, it does. He said he wanted to help, and then after he met me, he obviously changed his mind.”

Ashley’s heart nearly broke for the millionth time that morning. Brandon thrived on making sure that people liked him. And he was so genial, so happy-go-lucky that most people did like him.