A Cowboy For The Twins

Noah glanced around the room, unable to quash the feeling that he was invading his mother’s privacy. His parents’ bedroom was the one room in the house that was off-limits to him, and he was only allowed in by invitation.

“Too bad I came back so late. We could have gone out for a walk after supper,” he said.

“That’s okay. I’m looking forward to our trip to the Farmer’s Market.” She gave him a sly smile. “Maybe Shauntelle made some chocolate cake after you said it was your favorite.”

“I highly doubt Shauntelle cares one way or the other that I like chocolate cake.”

His mother’s expression grew serious. “I know that family doesn’t think highly of you, but I’m sure Shauntelle knows better.”

Noah thought of the “evil man” comment Millie had made, and the anger simmering in Shauntelle’s eyes. “I’m not so sure. Besides, it doesn’t matter what she thinks.”

“I’m glad you could help her get all her deliveries done though.”

He should have known that his mother wasn’t going to leave the subject of Shauntelle alone. To his surprise, they hadn’t talked about her at suppertime. Instead, his mother had brought him up-to-date on all the comings and goings of the Walsh clan. Cord’s wedding and Morgan’s future one, and now his other cousin, Nathan, was engaged as well. All this was delivered with a careful sigh directed to Noah.

He easily read the subtext. When would he get married?

“I’m glad I could too,” he said, keeping his tone casual. “And the entire time I got a running commentary from Millie about all the people we brought the baking to.”

His mother chuckled. “Those girls are quite the pair. For twins, they sure are different though. Millie is such a pistol, and Margaret is so quiet.” Then she grew serious, her dark eyes suddenly intent. “And how was Shauntelle with you?”

Noah held her gaze for a few beats, then sighed and looked away, knowing what she was referring to. “Uptight. Tense. Angry. I think she would have preferred not to accept my help, but she was stuck.”

His mother covered his hand with hers, squeezing lightly. “Don’t take it personal, son. She’s had a lot to deal with recently. It has to be hard being a widow and taking care of her children. Roger Dexter was a good man, and I’m sure she misses him.”

He noticed that she deliberately left Josiah out of the conversation. As if she wasn’t sure where to put the death of Shauntelle’s brother either.

“Roger died in Afghanistan, didn’t he?” Noah continued, sticking with an easier topic.

His mother nodded. “He often worked overseas. In fact, he was working with Doctors Without Borders when he was killed. He wasn’t military, but in my mind he was a real hero.”

“Sounds like it,” Noah said, though even as he spoke the words a small part of him wondered why anyone would want to leave a wife and twin girls behind. If he had a family, he would never stay far away from them. He’d keep them close.

If.

The closest he had come to settling down was with Holly, his former fiancée. But somehow, after he proposed, things changed. She became more demanding of him and his time. Which made him wonder what would have happened on the job site that day if he hadn’t given in to her constant pleas to be doing something, going somewhere. Would that have stopped Josiah from going up on that man lift? Would he have maybe given him yet another safety lesson just to make sure?

“You look pensive,” his mother said, poking him gently.

“I do that to put people off,” he said, once again pushing his memories down. “My dark hair and glowering eyes keep people away.”

“You shouldn’t do that, you know.” She spoke quietly, smiling, but Noah heard the faint warning in her voice. “Keep people away. I know that Josiah’s death has affected you more than you admit, but you weren’t found to be at fault.”

Maybe not, but that didn’t stop him from feeling guilty that he hadn’t been there. He caught her concerned look again and forced a smile. “I know. But that doesn’t change what happened to him. Or how his family feels.”

Shauntelle’s strong reaction to him earlier still stung.

“They just need time.” She patted his arm. “So how long are you sticking around?”

He held her yearning gaze, feeling the weight of all the years he had stayed away dropping on his shoulders. “I had figured on staying until Cord’s wedding. Then I’m off to Vancouver to see about a new business.” He hadn’t made a final commitment yet, but his mother didn’t need to know that.

She gave him another one of her pensive looks. “I wish I could think of something that could make you consider staying. Permanently.”

Another picture of Shauntelle flashed into his thoughts. She had always been attractive, but she was older now, and even though life had dealt her some harsh blows she was, if possible, even more beautiful than she had been when he left Cedar Ridge.

As quickly as the memory came, he dismissed it. Shauntelle, with her hero husband and banked anger, was out of reach.

“You know Cedar Ridge doesn’t hold a lot of good memories for me,” he said. “Neither past nor present. I have no intention of sticking around here longer than I have to.”

Too late, he realized how harsh that sounded. He tempered his comments with a smile. “We’ll have fun together, and once you move to Vancouver, then we’ll spend a whole lot more time together,” he said. “It’s a beautiful city, and the winters are much milder than our Alberta winters.”

“We’ll see.” She gave him a sorrowful smile, and he could tell he hadn’t convinced her to leave yet. “I know you want me to sell the place. It’s too hard to run with hired help.” She waited a moment, holding his gaze with hers. “I guess I had always hoped you would come back,” she continued, sounding wistful. “And maybe now that you’re here...”

“Please don’t,” he said, interrupting her hopeful words. “Cedar Ridge hasn’t been my home for a while, and certainly can’t be now.”

“Does your father still have such a strong hold over you?”

His mother’s mournful voice created a mixture of feelings. Resentment that she should ask when she knew precisely what he had gone through, blended with emotions he had struggled against for most of his life. Where had she been while his father was being so hard on him? Why hadn’t she stood up for him? Taken his side?

“You haven’t forgiven him, have you?” she continued.

Noah pulled in a deep breath and shrugged his shoulders, trying to settle the sorrow he knew he should have been done with long ago.

“He’s not around to forgive, so it doesn’t really matter anymore does it? Besides, it’s memories too.” He gave his mother an apologetic smile.

“I pray for you every day,” she said. “That you can find it in your heart to forgive your father. I think when you do, you will find your way back to your other Father. The one who loves you perfectly. His love will give you real peace.”

“You don’t have to worry about my faith life,” he said finally, pushing down the wavering emotions his mother’s words created. For the past few years he and God had had an understanding. Noah wouldn’t bother God, and God wouldn’t bother him.

Besides, God wouldn’t want to have much to do with someone who couldn’t even take care of his own employee.

Someone who would never, ever be referred to as a hero.

Like Shauntelle’s husband was.

* * *

“Mom, can I put those out?” Millie pointed to the cooler holding the layer cakes Shauntelle had spent hours baking last night and icing this morning. Her mother had let her use her car until she figured out what to do about transportation, but it was tiny and Shauntelle had worried about how the cakes would travel in the little hatchback.

“I’ll take care of them, honey,” Shauntelle said, hurrying over. There was no way she was letting anything happen to those cakes after all the work she’d put into them.

She had found the cakes while she was on Pinterest and plunged down the rabbit hole that is the internet. When she read the recipes, she was intrigued. If people liked them, they could be potential dessert menu items for her restaurant.

“How long do we have to stay here?” Margaret asked, shivering as she pulled her jacket closer around her. “And why couldn’t we be inside today?”

“Just a few weeks ago you were wishing we could be outside.” Shauntelle tapped her daughter playfully on her nose.

Though she found the weather a bit cool herself, she was still glad to be outdoors. Last week they had set up in the multipurpose room of the old arena, stuck in a damp, echoing space that was always too noisy and cramped.