Ever Faithful

“This is the way to dress,” he said. “Old, faded jeans.” He tugged on the front of his shirt. “Old faded shirt. When in the country…”

“And it was their engagement party. Of course he’d be dressed nicely.”

Paul heard the tone of censure in his mother’s voice and it made him feel like a sulky teenager. But he pressed on. “That may be, but I still can’t imagine him living at Danyluks’.”

“He talks about doing it, so your imagination doesn’t count for much.” Elizabeth eased another batch of dishes in the sink.

“I hope he likes driving.” Paul commented as he pulled another dish off the tray. He wondered why he cared how Tim felt about Amy and the ranch. I could never stop being a big brother, he thought, smiling. “When are they getting married?”

“Amy hasn’t mentioned a specific date, although I think Tim would like it to be soon.” Elizabeth glanced at him over her shoulder. “She wants to get some money together and get the house fixed up before they move in. She also wants to get a trailer on the yard for Rick and Judd.”

“That would be a good idea. I can’t imagine four people living in that house.” Paul shrugged. “Doesn’t sound like she’s in any rush, though.”

“I think she’d like to get married soon, but her pride is preventing that. Pride and a lot of work. Rick’s a big help, but she still takes on most of the responsibility herself. I just wish she’d quit her job.”

“She still working at that accountant’s office?”

“She worked full-time up until four years ago—when Judd started getting worse. Now she just works part-time at the grocery store and tries to run the ranch on her days off.”

“What’s wrong with Judd?”

Elizabeth shrugged rinsing the cup in her hand. “He’s become much quieter. He used to be so stubborn and ornery, but not lately. Amy’s been pushing him to go to a doctor, but he refuses.”

“I’m surprised Amy still manages to keep up her relationship with Tim.”

“She and Tim spend many dates at home with Judd, keeping him entertained.” Elizabeth set the last of the cups on the drain tray and dried her hands.

“Doesn’t sound like such a bad way to spend a night.” Paul rolled down his sleeves as he thought of all the running around he and Stacy did when they found time to spend together. Supper out, the theater, opera, the occasional movie. An evening at home sounded appealing. “But you haven’t told me yet what you think of Amy’s Tim,” Paul teased as he finished drying the cups.

Elizabeth shrugged. “I like him very much. He’s a sincere Christian, he has a good job and is well liked in the community. He’s tall, good looking…”

“Sounds like you’re talking about Dad’s prize bull.”

“Don’t be flip,” Elizabeth admonished. “He’s worked at the bank for the past two years, so hasn’t really been around that long.”

“Long enough to make a move on Amy and propose to her.”

“Paul,” she warned.

He lifted his hands in mock surrender. “Sorry. I didn’t know he meant that much to you, as well.”

Elizabeth shot him a level look. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re jealous.”

Paul looked back at her, holding her gaze. “I guess I just have to get used to the idea that little Amy Danyluk is old enough to get married.”

“She hasn’t been ‘little Amy Danyluk’ for a long time now.”

“She hasn’t been chasing me around for a while, either.”

“Aha, you are jealous,” his mother cried, laughing at him.

Paul flicked the towel at her in reply. “I’ll be able to dance at her wedding, Mom.”

Elizabeth, her face suddenly thoughtful, drained the sink and rinsed the soap suds out.

“Where are you?” Paul asked, setting a stack of plates in the cupboard.

“Being a mother. Thinking about weddings.” She looked up at Paul, her expression hopeful. “I guess I’m wondering if Dad and I will ever throw an engagement party for you.”

Paul sighed and leaned back against the counter, wrapping and unwrapping the damp towel around his hands. “Maybe. Someday,” he said with a noncommittal shrug.

“You’ve been saying that for the past three girlfriends.” Elizabeth rescued the towel and hung it on the rack by the stove.

Paul blew out his breath and crossed his arms. He thought her lack of questions last night was due to a change in tactics, but he should have known she would corner him sooner or later. “I don’t think marriage always has to come up when two people are dating.”

“Then why are they dating?”

“Companionship, friendship…” The words sounded lame to him.

“Friends and companions you go fishing with. Girlfriends you kiss when you think your mother isn’t looking.” Elizabeth tapped him on the chest as she passed him.

Paul had to remind himself that he was almost thirty and hadn’t needed to answer to his mother for close to twelve years. “Stacy and I understand each other…”

“I would hope so, you both speak English,” his mother said with a laugh, leaning back against the counter beside him. “I know you’re serious about her, this is the first girlfriend you’ve brought here for longer than a day.”

Paul tapped his fingers against his arm, as he sought words to explain his and Stacy’s relationship. “I want her to see where I came from, what made me who I am.”

“And what did?”

Paul frowned.

“Made you who you are,” his mother explained.

He looked ahead at the neat table in the large kitchen, now pushed against the wall. Once it had been stretched out, surrounded with chairs, now only four chairs were tucked under it. He remembered many family meals around the table, times of sharing and Bible reading and prayer. How many times had he sat at this same table and looked out the window wishing he was anywhere else but here, in this kitchen?

“I’m not even sure who I am these days, Mom,” he replied softly. “I’m making good money. I have lots of stuff. The business is even more successful than I thought it would be. I always thought I could quit when I got to the point I wanted to, but I just keep on going and going. It doesn’t really stop.”

“The toughest thing about success is that you must remain being a success,” his mother quoted. “You don’t quit. It lures you on out of necessity or out of a desire to challenge yourself.”

Paul laughed shortly. “You’re right.” He slipped his hands into his pockets, studying the toes of his socks. “The only problem is each time I finish something, each time I check my bank balance, it still feels empty. I work and look forward to what I can buy with what I make, but by the time I open what I’ve bought, or park it, or moor it or whatever, it still isn’t really what I wanted.” He frowned, hearing his thoughts spoken out loud for the first time in years. Any girlfriend he had didn’t understand. They usually liked the fancy condo, the fast cars, dining out in fancy restaurants, the boat, the ski trips to Whistler-Blackcomb. Any of his friends openly envied his success. None of them would understand that he sought more and he hadn’t found it in spending or experiencing.

“What you’ve wanted all your life isn’t really what you need.”

Paul nodded. “I was just thinking that.” He lifted his head catching his mother’s concerned look. “Did you know how badly I wanted to get away from here? Did you know how dissatisfied I was once, with this life-style? With going to church? With living with people you’ve grown up with?”

“We knew.” Elizabeth reached over and rubbed his arm. “We didn’t like it, but we had to let go. Just like we had to let go of the other boys. Doesn’t mean we have loved you any less or prayed for you any less. Tyrell, Derk, they’ve each had to make their own choices, as well.”

“At least Derk is still close by.”