The Cowboy's Christmas Baby

Though she and Lauren were twins, she always felt like the younger sister around her. She knew Lauren loved her, but the dismayed expression on Lauren’s face when she’d arrived with Caitlin showed Erin how disappointed her twin was.

Whereas Jodie’s reaction had been one of joy.

Erin set the cake aside, quickly washed up the dishes she had used, tidying with a sense of anticipation. She shot a glance around the house. Everything was in order.

Outside she could hear thumps and the occasional screech of nails. She was very curious as to what he was doing, but her embarrassment over how he had misinterpreted their last interaction kept her inside the house, uselessly tidying. Then she heard a muffled squawk from the bedroom and she rushed to pick up her daughter. Just as she came out of the room she heard a vehicle pull up.

And as Jodie came up the cracked and uneven sidewalk, carrying a bouquet of flowers, Erin’s throat thickened and tears welled up in her eyes.

She opened the door and Jodie hurried toward her, arms wide.

“Hey, sis,” Erin managed as Jodie grabbed her in a careful hug.

Jodie held her close, Caitlin snuggled between them as tears spilled.

“Oh, honey,” Jodie murmured, rocking her back and forth. “It’s been a long road for you, I think.”

Erin sniffed, annoyed at how easily she cried in front of her sister, yet thankful for someone whom she felt comfortable enough around to do exactly that.

Jodie pulled back and smoothed Erin’s tears away with the balls of her thumbs, her expression sympathetic. “You’re home, you know.”

“I know. I think that’s why I’m feeling so weepy.”

“And you just had a baby.”

“That, too,” Erin said with a tremulous laugh.

“So, you take these and I’ll take her,” Jodie said, handing Erin the flowers while she carefully removed Caitlin from Erin’s arms, cradling her as they walked into the house.

Jodie sat down on the couch and bent over her niece, inhaling slowly. “Oh, my goodness. She smells so sweet.” She rubbed her nose over Caitlin’s tiny one. “And you are such an amazing gift. You are, you know,” she cooed to Caitlin. “You are a perfect little gift to our family. We’re so blessed to have you.”

Erin felt the bonds of guilt and shame that had held her soul loosen at Jodie’s simple, accepting words.

“By the way, Lauren and Aunt Laura both say hi, hence the flowers,” Jodie said indicating the bouquet Erin was cutting the ends off of. “They both wanted to come, but they both have to work whereas self-employed me can take time off and have you and Caitlin all to myself,” she said, her head tilting slightly as she heard the sound of hammering. “So I noticed Dean’s here already?”

“Yeah. He came this morning,” Erin said, removing the fake flowers Jodie had brought yesterday from the metal watering can and filling it with water. “And now I’ve got this apology cake cooling on the counter that I don’t know what to do with.”

“Apology cake? Never heard of that recipe,” Jodie said, frowning her puzzlement.

“Well, it’s about a cup of my-big-mouth, mixed in with three tablespoons of wounded pride and a soupçon of McCauley.”

“Oooooh, that cake,” Jodie said with a knowing nod of her head. “I should have baked a few of those in my life. That and Humble Pie.” Then she shot her a questioning glance. “So I’m guessing the cake is for Dean?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“What did you say to him?”

Erin set the flowers in the pot and put it back on the table, avoiding her sister’s gaze. “I kind of made it sound like he wasn’t capable of fixing my house. At least I think he took it that way.”

“Oh, dear.”

“It wasn’t that I thought he couldn’t do it,” she said, fiddling with the flowers, arranging them just so. “It’s just, well, I’m not comfortable being around him and my mouth got away on me.”

“Honey, that’s my line, not yours.”

“I know. I was feeling weird.”

Weird and ashamed. She had always been the good girl. The one who turned down Dean’s many requests for dates because he was too rough and rowdy for her. Now she was the one who wasn’t “suitable.” She was the one who had messed up her life.

“Anyhow, I felt bad so I thought I would bake him a cake,” Erin continued.

“I should go get him so we can eat it. He’s probably not had lunch yet.” She shot her sister a questioning glance as she stood. “If that’s okay with you?”

“I guess.” Dean would be working here so she figured she might as well try to smooth things over between them as soon as possible.

Jodie walked to the door still carrying her baby.

“I’ll take Caitlin, though,” Erin said, holding out her arms for her daughter.

“I’ll be careful.”

Erin held Jodie’s puzzled gaze for a beat, surprised at the flutter of panic that seeing Jodie walk away with her daughter created in her. “I know. It’s just... I haven’t had anyone else taking care of her since she was born. Besides, she needs her diaper changed.”

Jodie seemed to understand and handed Caitlin over to Erin, but as she did she held Erin’s eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she said, disappointed at how breathless she sounded, glancing down at Caitlin. “I’m just fine.”

“Okay, I’ll be inside shortly.”

Then Jodie disappeared around the side of the house.

Erin took a steadying breath, her heart finally slowing down. What was wrong with her? Why the panic attack? This was her sister, not some random stranger.

Hormones. That’s what she was blaming it on, she reasoned, cuddling Caitlin closer as she walked toward her bedroom.

A few moments later she had Caitlin’s diaper changed and her baby lay swaddled up in a bouncy chair Lauren had rustled up from some of the cousins. Caitlin stared, cross-eyed, at the little stuffed animals hanging from the bar straddling the chair, her mouth a perfect little O.

As Erin held her daughter’s tiny fingers, wrapped tightly around her own, her heart pinched.