Playing the Joker

He withdrew fractionally, but only to run his tongue lightly over the edge of her lips, then he drew the lower lip into his mouth and nibbled with tiny biting kisses, easing away again to soothe it with his tongue.

Jo started to shake, her hands winding up around his neck to pull his head down, and then the kiss spiralled out of control and they clung to each other as the passion mounted in them, driving them with its frenzied zeal.

She twisted against him and with a groan he pressed her back against the cupboards, imprinting his body on hers with a wild savagery that made her whimper with need.

Eventually they broke apart, gasping for breath, and in his eyes Jo could see white-hot desire tinged with remorse.

‘Dear God, Alex,’ she whispered, shaken by the depth of her response. ‘Why did you have to do that?’

‘I’m sorry,’ he said raggedly, ‘but it’s been so damn long …’

He let her go and she sagged back against the worktop, her legs like jelly.

He turned away, and she noticed his breathing was still uneven. He was also still unmistakably aroused, and she had to grip the worktop hard to stop herself from running across the kitchen after him and throwing herself into his arms.

‘Why don’t you wait in the sitting-room and I’ll bring the coffee through in a minute?’ she suggested unsteadily, and with a brief nod he complied.

Once alone, she dropped her face into her hands and stood motionless for a moment, willing her unruly body to submit to discipline. Then she gathered up the wreckage of their meal, threw it in the dustbin, put the plates in hot soapy water and scrubbed down the table before turning her attention back to the coffee.

By the time she took it through to the little sitting-room, Alex was sitting in one of the chairs with one leg crossed over the other knee and his hands lying relaxed along the threadbare arms.

He watched her thoughtfully, and she avoided his eye, unable to look at him for fear of betraying herself.

She set his cup down beside him and retreated to the other chair, drawing up her long legs and curling them underneath her defensively. She knew she was doing it, but she also knew that if she didn’t sit on her feet the wretched things were quite likely to carry her over and dump her in his lap, and she couldn’t afford that sort of complication.

She nursed her cup of tea and waited for him to speak. After a few minutes of tortured silence, he heaved a sigh and picked up his coffee.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said heavily. ‘I didn’t mean that to happen. I really just wanted to talk to you about the last four years—find out how you were, what you’d been doing, if you were married yet—all that sort of thing. I certainly didn’t mean to fall on you like a sex-starved teenager and grope you at the first opportunity.’

She laughed reluctantly. ‘I wasn’t aware that you did grope me.’

‘Thank God for little miracles,’ he said drily, ‘because I certainly wanted to.’

She met his eyes then, and saw regret and a gentle tenderness there that nearly undid her resolve.

She looked quickly away.

‘Alex, I’m not interested,’ she said as firmly as she could manage. ‘I’ve got my career all mapped out, and I know exactly where I’m going. OK, I didn’t get this job, but I’ll get the next one that comes along, or the one after that—I’m determined to succeed, and I can’t afford the luxury of anything that could get in the way of that ambition.’

He was watching her, and she kept her eyes averted in case he read the miserable truth.

That doesn’t sound like you,’ he said at last. ‘OK, you dress the part, and you act the part to a certain extent, and I don’t doubt that you’re a damn fine doctor, but there’s more to you than that, Jo. You’re lonely, and, whatever you might say to the contrary, you’re interested. At least be honest with me.’

Oh, God, she thought, honest is the last thing I can be with you. She fought off the wave of sadness and made herself meet his eye.

‘All right, Alex, I’ll be honest with you,’ she lied. ‘Yes, I’m interested—physically. Sexually we’re great together, and I’m interested in you as a person. That doesn’t mean that I want to try and establish a relationship with you—especially not one that’s going to interfere with my career progression. And yes, I’m lonely, but it’s what I’ve chosen, Alex. Look at me!’ She spread her arms wide. ‘I know how I look—I’m not a fool. If I wanted a man I could have one, but I don’t. If you weren’t my boss, then I dare say we could have a great affair, but as things stand it’s out of the question, and, the sooner you realise that, the better for both of us.’

He was silent for a long while, and she risked a quick glance at him. His mouth was tight, his chin propped on his steepled fingers, and his eyes as they met hers were cold. She realised she had hurt him with her deliberately crude and harsh assessment of their relationship, and somehow that was worse than anything else. Then he rose to his feet and walked over to the window. His hands were rammed in his pockets and the tension was pouring off him.

‘So that’s it, is it? Your final word?’

‘That’s right. It’s the way it has to be, Alex. I’m sorry.’

He snorted. ‘Spare me the platitudes.’ He swivelled round to face her, his eyes hard and unyielding.

‘Either you’re lying, or you really are a hard-bitten career doctor with a hyperactive sex drive. Either way, you’re not the woman I thought you were.’

Shock held her rigid. She stared at the spot where his feet had been, and listened as he walked down the hall and let himself quietly out of the front door.

So that was the end of that. At least she had stopped him in his tracks, but it hurt her that she had had to lose his respect in order to do so.

Jo got wearily to her feet and cleared away the cups, then washed the dishes in the sink and tidied up the kitchen.

She was just putting the last few things away when Anne came home.

‘Hi,’ she said with forced cheer. ‘Thanks for tidying up—how’s Beth been?’

‘Fine—how did it go?’

Jo took one look at her friend’s ravaged face and held out her arms.

‘Oh, Annie …’

Anne collapsed into her arms and sobbed out her misery while Jo soothed and patted and held her until she was finished, then she handed her a wodge of tissues and steered her to the kitchen table.

‘Tell,’ she said firmly.

‘Oh, he was very upset, and I cried, and it was awful, but I couldn’t have married him. It wouldn’t have been fair, and I think he saw that in the end.’ She sniffed and blew her nose. ‘He wants us to be friends. I said no. Do you think that was too unkind?’

‘No.’ Jo shook her head emphatically. ‘No, you can’t be friends when one of you’s in love and the other isn’t. It would be a disaster for both of you.’

Anne sighed. That’s what I thought, but I still felt awful saying it. So, how about you? How did you get on with Alex? Did he make a pass at you?’

Jo flushed and looked away. ‘Not exactly, but he made it quite clear he’d be happy to take up where we left off.’

Anne chewed her lip thoughtfully, then covered Jo’s hand with her own.

‘Why don’t you tell him?’

Jo snatched her hand away and stood up. ‘No—I—I can’t! He’ll only feel guilty, and it isn’t his fault——’

‘Any more than it’s yours.’

‘It’s my body!’

‘That doesn’t make it your fault. Are you using it as an excuse?’

‘For what? Not sleeping with him again? We’re talking about sex here, Anne!’