Trusting Him

“No, I’m fine.”

But she wasn’t fine. She was anything but. Her heart was tugging at her, telling her to be the one to give him a chance. He needed a friend, someone he could count on, and she could be that person.

Or could she?

“Michael, good to see you here.” The booming voice stopped Michael as he walked down the hall, seeking the kitchen.

He turned to face the bear of a man responsible for his being here. Robert Banks had started a prison ministry and from that ministry Michael had found faith, both in God and in himself.

“Pastor Banks, good morning.”

“Did you find Maggie?”

Maggie. Yes, he’d found her. And she was another person in his life whose trust he might never gain. It seemed like there were plenty of those people, and they were all waiting for him to prove himself.

Or were they waiting for him to fail? And he had failed before. In the year before he’d gone to prison he had tried, really tried, to get his life together. He hadn’t wanted to end up like people that he knew, the ones who lost everything to addiction.

“Yes, I found her in her office.”

“Good. She’s the one in charge of youth, and in a month or so, when you’re settled and feel like working, she’ll be the person to show you the ropes. Until then, get to know her, and let her show you what this after-school program is all about. It’s quite a ministry.”

“I’m looking forward to working with her. Dad wants me at least four days a week. I can do the office work and legwork for him as a paralegal. But being here, well, you know how I feel about getting plugged in.”

“That’s the key, Michael, get plugged in. First to church, and then with the youth. You’ll find that having people you can count on will make it easier when you face a struggle.”

A few minutes later Michael returned to Maggie’s closet size office. The cluttered room held a conglomeration of gray metal furniture that looked like hand-me-downs from a government office, or even the prison. He felt at home here.

Maggie stood at the window. He stepped quietly, not wanting to disturb her. When he scooted the chair across the tile floor, she jumped slightly and turned.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

“You didn’t.”

She returned to her chair. The softness of her tone matched the soft look in her eyes. Her hands trembled. He wanted to tell her he understood.

He had a feeling he didn’t understand. To give her space he got up, taking the place she’d vacated near the open window. No bars. He put his hand on the screen.

“You okay?” Her voice caught his attention and drew his gaze from the window to her face. His hand dropped to his side.

“Okay? Why?”

“You sighed.”

“I’m fine. Sometimes I wonder how long it will take to get used to having my life back. I can eat when I want. I can take a shower when I please. It’s more overwhelming than I had expected.” He also hadn’t planned on telling her all of that. Her soft look and the tenderness in her gaze—even if she looked unsure—that had been the lure, the reason for talking.

“You have your life back. That’s a special gift.”

“I do, but I don’t have what I always planned to have at this stage of my life. I don’t have the law degree, or a family of my own. I’ve never had a steady job.”

He had never been in love. He couldn’t share that with the timid blonde who stared up at him with a cup of coffee drawn to her lips and hesitation in her blue eyes.

“I think it will get better.”

“I’m sure it will.” He sat across from her, steadying himself when the gray folding chair started to buckle.

“Are you ready to get started, and to learn about our ministry?”

“I…Of course I am.” What should he say now? Did she require an explanation for his reticence? Or would she understand?

“You can be a little more casual from now on. We don’t normally dress up for this job.”

He hadn’t known, so he had worn slacks and a button-up shirt. It had seemed appropriate, even if it wasn’t really comfortable.

His gaze settled on her pale blue T-shirt and capris. Her honey-blond hair was in a ponytail and a scarf was tied around her neck. Casual, but totally feminine. His throat felt a little dry. Probably from the day-old doughnuts.

“I wasn’t sure about what to wear.” He found himself suddenly unsure about quite a few things. “So, what do we do?”

She rested her chin on her hand, elbow propped on the desk. “We work with troubled teens from this neighborhood, and in the community. We mentor them, counsel them—generally step in for absentee parents. We provide after-school programs, summer activities—whatever it takes to keep them busy and off the streets. If they feel connected here, they’re less likely to go out there looking for something to connect with.”

“I think I can handle that.”

“Do you have any questions or concerns?” She fingered one of the manila envelopes on her desk. Slowly her head came up, her gaze connecting with his.

“I can’t think of any.”

“Michael, you don’t have to work here. This isn’t required. You could go back to school, or get a job in Springfield.” The words shot him down, making him wonder just how much she didn’t want him around.

“I have a job. But I want to be here. I want to give back and make up for what I’ve done.”

“You already have. You did your time. Working here isn’t about a job or paying back. This is about having a call.”

“I know that.” Did she think that he didn’t have a clue? “I’m here because I feel like God wants me here. I can help reach kids because of what I’ve been through.”

“I didn’t mean to sound like I don’t want you here. Or like I’m judging you.”

“Maggie, I never expected this to happen. It wasn’t my goal when I was a kid…to end up addicted to drugs. But it did happen, and I am a different person now.”

He brushed a hand through his hair, dismayed that he was the one shaking now.

“I’m sorry. You didn’t ask for a lecture or an impromptu counseling session. It isn’t really my place.” She stood, looking for all the world like she didn’t know what to do with him. Finally she continued. “But if you ever do need to talk, Pastor Banks is always available. And if you need a friend, I’m here.”

“Thank you. And I don’t mind your advice.” But maybe he did. He wanted to be treated like he had something to offer this ministry, not like he needed to be ministered to.

“Okay then, it sounds as if we’re on the same sheet of music. The kids come first. And we’ll do this together, for them.”

She paused, as if she meant to say more, but instead she shrugged and walked away. The empty cup in her hand suggested she might be on her way to the kitchen.

His gaze landed on the side of the gray-green desk. Kids had scratched their names in the rubber edging. Next to one name were the words “Jesus Saves.” Another had carved, “I Hate My Life.”