His Little Cowgirl

Did she mean it? She closed her eyes, wanting him to be gone, wanting to walk back into the house to a sink full of dishes and chores waiting to be done. Those were the things that made sense to her these days.

What also made sense was Meg, and the life they had here, the life they had built for themselves in spite of everything. Bailey had paced the floor alone when her daughter had been colicky. Bailey, alone, had held Meg tightly when a bad dream woke her in the middle of the night.

Cody hadn’t been there, not even for that stormy night when Bailey’s dad had driven her to the hospital.

Her conscience poked at her, telling her that he couldn’t apologize for the things he didn’t know. Cody couldn’t apologize for leaving her to raise a child alone, not when he’d never known about that child. They’d both made mistakes. He didn’t know it, but they both had apologies to make.

“I forgave you a long time ago.” She smiled, feeling the heat of the August sun on her head and back.

“That means a lot to me, Bailey. I want a fresh start, and I didn’t want to make that start thinking about you and what happened.”

What happened—the way he said it made it sound simple and easy to forget. It wasn’t easy to forget a decision that made a person feel like she’d let down not only herself, but everyone who counted on her. Even God.

Maybe Cody was finally starting to understand.

“That’s good, Cody. I hope that this is the change you need.” She paused, unsure of how to proceed. She should tell him about Meg. Before he left she should let him know what she had tried to tell him the last time she saw him.

The screen door thudded softly behind her. Bailey lifted her gaze to his, fearing the truth and the look on Cody’s face. He stared past her, his eyes narrowing against the bright sunshine. As his gaze lingered, Bailey knew that the time for truth had arrived.

It had never happened this way in her dreams.

“Mommy.”

Cody stared at the little girl standing on the porch. He tried to catch his breath, but the weight on his chest pushed down, forcing air from his lungs as his heart hammered against his ribs. He stared into a tiny heart-shaped face he’d never seen before, and yet, and yet, the face seemed so familiar.

The little girl had Bailey’s straight blond hair. She had a rosebud mouth, just like her mom’s. His gaze stopped at her eyes. It was there that he discovered the truth and he knew that Bailey had apologies of her own to give.

Six years of traveling, riding bulls and putting money in the bank for a place of his own, a place he wouldn’t let his own dad buy for him, and it came down to this. It came down to a child with stormy-blue eyes wearing jean shorts, a T-shirt and pink cowboy boots.

Cody felt a huge dose of regret because while he’d been having the time of his life, Bailey had been here raising his daughter alone.

With a million questions and plenty of accusations racing through his mind, he switched his attention back to Bailey. She twisted away from him but not quickly enough for him to miss the streak of red creeping up her neck.

Cowgirls couldn’t lie.

“Go inside, Meg,” Bailey said.

“But I need a drink.”

“Get a juice box out of the fridge. I’ll be in soon.”

“Who is he?” The little girl crossed her tanned arms and gave him the look that said she was the only law in town and he was trespassing. He wanted to smile but he couldn’t. Not yet.

“He’s someone I used to know.”

The little girl nodded and walked back into the house, the screen door slamming behind her. Bailey waited until her daughter, his daughter, too, was out of sight before facing him.

“It looks like I’m not the only one who needs to apologize,” he whispered, not really sure if he could say the words aloud.

He had a daughter. He was six months sober, living in an RV, and he had a daughter.

He was on step 9, and it seemed that Bailey had a Step 9 of her own. Making amends.

“I tried to tell you.” She looked away, the breeze blowing her hair around her face. He remembered the feel of her hair, like soft silk and feathers.

He remembered that being with her had made him believe in himself. For a few short months he had believed he could be something better than his own father had been. Now he couldn’t find that feeling, not with anger boiling to the surface.

“You didn’t try very hard.”

“The day you left the ranch, I told you that I loved you and that we needed to talk. You laughed and walked away because, and I quote, ‘Cowgirls always think they’re in love.’”

As she faced him with his own stupid actions, it was his turn to look away. He focused on the same tree-covered hill her gaze had shot to moments ago. Without really trying, he remembered that day. He remembered getting in his truck and driving away, with her running out of the barn trying to stop him.

He remembered thinking that if he didn’t get away, he would drown in her. More memories returned, along with the knowledge that he had wanted to lose himself in that feeling. That had scared him more than anything. At twenty-five he’d been too afraid of love to take a chance. He’d been afraid of failure.

Now he had a daughter. He was in the middle of a program that included not starting new relationships, and this one had to be taken care of. He had a little girl. He needed to wrap his mind around that fact and what it meant, not just for the moment but for the rest of his life.

“I should have listened to you.” He ran his hand through his hair and shoved his hat back in place. “But you could have told me. You’ve had six years of opportunities to tell me.”

“I left messages for you to call me. After a while I gave up. Wouldn’t you?” She crossed her arms, staring him down with brown eyes that at one time were warmer than cocoa on a winter day. “You were running so fast, Cody. You didn’t want to hear what I had to tell you because you were afraid it would be about love and forever.”

“You should have told me.”

“And have you believing that I was trying to trap you? The day you left Wyoming you made it pretty clear to me that you weren’t looking for ‘forever’ with anyone.”

He needed to sit down. He didn’t want to think about how much he needed a drink. Six months sober, and he wasn’t going to end his sobriety like this.

“Bailey, don’t throw my words back in my face. That was six years ago. I’ve learned a lot, and I’ve been through a lot.” He shook his head and took a step back from her.

“Keep your voice down.”

“And on top of that you want me to be calm about this?”

“I’m sorry.”

He remembered her at twenty-two. She had dreamed of being a famous horse trainer with a ranch and a few kids. He’d been running from those kinds of women, the kind who dreamed of forever.

“I won’t keep you from seeing her.” She made it sound like the offer of the century.

“Of course.”

“In case you’re wondering, she knows that you’re her dad. I haven’t kept that from her. But you’re not on her birth certificate.”

“Did you ever stop to think that maybe she needed to see me?”

“When would she have seen you? Maybe once or twice a year as you drove on through? Or on TV with a pretty girl on your arm.”

“Is that how you portrayed me to her?”