A Cowboy's Heart

Had he just said that? From the amused look on her face, he knew he had. He pushed his hat down on his head a little and laughed.

“Stick with you, huh?”

“Something like that. I’ll even hold your hand.”

“I’m a big girl. I won’t get lost.” She looked past him again, and she didn’t take his hand. “The boys are heading this way. I’m really here for them, not you.”

“Ouch, that hurts a guy’s ego.”

She turned to face him, and he knew she hadn’t heard. He repeated and she smiled.

“I think your ego will be fine.”

“You’re probably right.” And on the chance that she would hold his hand, he held it out again, palm up. She took it, her fingers grasping his and he felt like he might be her lifeline.

When they reached the twins, she let go of his hand and reached for the boys. They moved to her, and for a minute it made him really believe they might be okay. He hadn’t expected that she’d be the one to make him feel that way.

“What is there to do around here?” she asked David, always the quiet twin, always seeking assurance.

“I like the pony ride and…”

“The big bouncing castle.” Timmy grabbed her hand.

“Pony ride first.” She put an arm around each and smiled at her aunt. Watching her with the boys, Clint wanted to be four again and small enough for ponies and the moonwalk.

“What about me?” he asked, hurrying to catch up. Willow glanced back at him.

“You’re too big for the moonwalk.”

“I’m not too big.”

“Uh-huh.” Timmy had hold of Willow’s hand. “And you promised us cotton candy.”

“Cotton candy, of course. And I have a pile of prizes I need to put in the truck.”

Willow stopped, still holding on to the boys. “I’ll take them on the pony ride.”

“Sounds good.” He didn’t really want to walk away. He wanted to stay with her, with the boys, because she was easy to be around.

But he had been dismissed, and the boys got to hang out with Willow. He felt a little cheated as he walked off with nothing but stuffed animals and bottles of cola.

Willow lifted David onto the back of a brown-and-white spotted pony. He leaned toward her, his gray eyes big. “I’m afraid of horses.”

She smiled and wanted to tell him that it was okay, that fear sometimes pushed a person to be strong. He was too little to understand. He only knew that he was afraid.

“I’ll stay next to you.”

He nodded and then the horse moved a jolting step forward. Little hands grabbed the saddle horn and his mouth tightened into a serious line. Willow patted his arm and winked.

“Pretend he’s one of those purple horses in front of the grocery store. They bounce, but they don’t move.” She kept hold of his arm. “He can’t go anywhere but in a circle. And if he tries, I’ll grab you.”

“Promise.” His voice was soft and she read his lips.

“Promise.” She wouldn’t let him go.

She searched the crowd for Janie and Clint. Janie had found a group of friends, and they were all sitting under a canopy. She spotted Clint walking in their direction, three sticks of pink cotton candy in his hands.

Even without the cotton candy, he stood out in the crowd. He was a cowboy in faded jeans and a dark-blue polo. His hat shaded his face but didn’t hide the smile that she somehow imagined was just for her.

For a moment she was like David on his pony, not afraid, just enjoying the ride.

But what about tomorrow? What about reality?

How long could she go on, pretending everything was fine? How long could she convince herself that she wasn’t afraid? Who would catch her?

She knew the answer to that. She would catch herself.

“Could we ride again?” Timmy yelled from his horse.

“One more time.” She pulled tickets from her pocket and handed them to John, a neighbor who was donating his time and his ponies for the youth group to raise money for a mission trip.

He took the tickets and said something to each of the boys about being cowboys like their uncle.

Clint walked along the outside of the portable fence that circled the ponies. “Cotton candy?”

He held one out to her. The pony turned his head and nipped, wanting the sugar more than Willow wanted it. David laughed, a real laugh. He hunched, and his shoulders shook. Willow laughed, too, and then Timmy was laughing. The pony didn’t care; she wanted the sugar and the bar that kept her going in her circle clanked as she stretched out her neck.

The boys continued to laugh, and Willow wiped tears from her eyes. When she looked up, Clint was watching, his dimpled grin now familiar.

The ride ended. She helped David down. Timmy hopped to the ground, a little cowboy in his jeans, boots and a plaid shirt. Janie and Clint were waiting for them at the gate. The boys took their cotton candy.

“I’d like to take the boys in to have their pictures taken,” Janie announced. “Sandy is in there with her camera.”

“Sounds like a great idea.” Clint held out the last cotton candy and Willow took it, surprised that it was for her. “Do you mind if I take Willow for a buggy ride?”

Willow swallowed a sticky-sweet bite of cotton candy, remembering why she liked it so much, and also why she hadn’t eaten it in years. “Clint, I have to leave. I wanted to spend a little time with the boys, but I have to get home to that cow.”

Under the wide brim of his white cowboy hat, his brows arched in question. He didn’t believe her. Of course he didn’t. For a moment, she didn’t believe herself. She had come down here for the boys, and then for other reasons. Maybe because she wanted to walk with a cowboy and eat cotton candy?

“I really do have to go. She’s close to having that calf, and I don’t want to lose either of them.”

“Of course.” He smiled and she remembered that his smile was the reason she’d jumped in her truck and driven down to the church.