Almost Lost

“Do boarding schools let you stay there during the holidays?”

“No, you have to come home for the holidays. Why would you want to stay at school?”

Cassie hoped Madison would answer, but she pulled the duvet up to her chin and opened her book.

“I just wondered. Good night. I’ll turn my light out later.”

“I’ll check on you,” Cassie promised, before closing the door.

She sprinted to her room, grabbed her coat and pulled on the beautiful new gloves, and rushed to the balcony.

To her relief, Ryan was still there. In fact, she saw with a thrill of happiness that he’d waited for her before pouring the wine. As soon as he saw her he got to his feet, moved her chair closer to his, and plumped up the cushion before she sat down.

“Cheers. Thank you so much for today. It’s the best feeling in the world to see the kids so happy.”

“Cheers.”

As she touched her wineglass to his, she remembered that it hadn’t been a perfect day. There had been a serious incident. How was she going to tell him? What if he criticized her and said she should have handled it differently?

It would be better to ease into it, she decided, and to bring the topic up in a conversational way. She hoped Ryan might mention his divorce again, because that would provide the perfect opening for her to say, “You know, I think this divorce might have been troubling Dylan more than we’ve been realizing, because just after Madison mentioned her mother, he stole some sweets from the store.”

They spoke for a while about the weather—tomorrow was supposed to be a fine day—and the children’s schedule. Ryan explained that the school bus would pick them up at seven-thirty in the morning, by which time he would already be gone, and that the children would tell her what time school ended, and if they needed to be taken to any activities.

“There’s a timetable on the inside of my cupboard door, if you want to check,” he said. “I update it whenever there’s a change in timing.”

“Thank you so much. I’ll check it if I need to,” Cassie said.

“You know,” Ryan said, and Cassie tensed, draining the last of her wine, because the tone of his voice had changed, becoming more serious. She was sure he was going to mention his divorce, and that meant it would be time for her to bring up the difficult topic of Dylan’s shoplifting.

He refilled their glasses before continuing.

“You know, you were very much on my mind today. As soon as I saw those gloves I thought of you and I realized how much I enjoyed our chat outside yesterday The gloves were really a way of saying that I would love you to spend every evening out here with me.”

For a moment Cassie didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t believe what Ryan had just said. Then, as his words sank in, she felt happiness fill her.

“I’ll be glad to. I loved the time we spent together last night.”

She wanted to add more, but stopped herself. She must be careful of spilling out the emotions that were rising inside her, because Ryan’s comment might just have been politeness.

“Do they fit well?” He took her left hand in his cupped palm and ran his thumb gently over her fingers.

“Yes, they are a perfect fit. And I can’t feel the cold in them at all.”

Her heart was beating so fast she wondered if he’d be able to feel her pulse pounding as he gently stroked his fingers over her wrist, before releasing his grasp.

“I admire you so much, taking such a big step to travel overseas. Did you decide to do this all on your own? Or with a friend?”

“All on my own,” Cassie said, glad that he appreciated what it took.

“That’s incredible. What do your family think?”

Cassie didn’t want to lie, so she did her best to skirt the issue.

“Everyone was supportive. Friends, family, and my previous employers. I did have a few friends tell me I would be homesick and would come back soon, but that hasn’t happened.”

“And did you leave anyone special behind? A boyfriend, perhaps?”

Cassie could hardly breathe as she realized what this question might imply. Was Ryan hinting at something? Or was it just a conversational question, finding out more about her? She needed to be cautious because she was so star-struck by him that she could easily babble out something inappropriate.

“I don’t have a boyfriend. I dated a guy earlier this year, back in the States, but we broke up a while before I left.”

That wasn’t true. She’d broken up with her abusive ex only a couple of weeks before leaving, and one of her main reasons for traveling overseas had been to get so far away that he couldn’t follow and she couldn’t change her mind.

Cassie couldn’t give Ryan the correct version. Right here and now, watching the white crests of the distant waves roll to shore, she wanted him to think that her last relationship was far in her past. That she was serene and unscarred and ready for a new one.

“I’m glad you shared that with me. It would be wrong of me not to make sure,” Ryan said softly. “And I assume you must have ended things, because I can’t see it being the other way round.”

Cassie stared at him, hypnotized by his pale blue eyes, feeling as if she were in a dream.

“Yes, I did. It wasn’t working out and I had to make a hard decision.”

He nodded.

“That’s what I sensed about you from the first time we spoke. Your inner strength. That ability to know what you want, and to strive for it, and yet you have this amazing empathy and gentleness and wisdom.”

“Well, I don’t know about wise. I don’t feel very wise most of the time.”

Ryan laughed. “That’s because you’re too busy living life to be overly introspective. Another great quality.”

“Hey, I feel that while I’m here, I might learn from an expert in that regard,” she countered.

“Isn’t life the most fun when you spend it with somebody who makes it worth living?”

His words were teasing, but his face was serious, and she found she couldn’t look away.

“Yes, definitely,” she whispered.

This didn’t feel like a normal conversation. It meant something more. It must.

Ryan put his glass down and took her hand, helping her out of the deep cushion. His arm slid round her waist, casually, for a few moments as she turned to go back inside.

“I hope you sleep well,” he said, when they reached her bedroom door.

His hand brushed the small of her back as he leaned toward her and for a moment her amazed eyes took in the shape of his mouth, sensual and firm, framed by a soft outline of stubble.

Then his lips touched hers for just a moment before he drew away and said, softly, “Good night.”

Cassie watched until he’d closed his bedroom door and then, feeling as if she were floating on air, she checked that Madison’s light was out and returned to her room.