The Mother

“No one is perfect, but you come mighty damn close.”

“How can you say that when you know …? Oh God, you know me better than anyone else on earth. You know how far from perfect I am. If my parents knew how I’d let them down, they’d be so disappointed. If Marcus knew …”

“You have never disappointed Geraldine and Willie, and if they knew, they would be loving and supportive. And if Marcus knew, he would understand. You were barely eighteen. You did what you thought was best for everyone involved. And I was right there with you, agreeing with your decision and holding your hand.”

Tam looked at Audrey, her brown eyes filled with unshed tears. “If you had been in my situation, would you have …? Would you have killed your own baby?”

Audrey set aside her tea, then took the cup from Tam and set it beside hers on the coffee table. She scooted across the sofa, draped her arm around Tam’s shoulders, and leaned her head over against Tam’s.

They sat there in silence for quite a while, two friends remembering a tragedy from the past. Audrey understood that even after all these years, Tam still felt regret, remorse, and guilt. She managed to keep that long-ago heartbreak buried deep inside her, but occasionally it resurfaced.

“What do I tell Marcus when he wants to have a baby?” Tam asked. “He hasn’t come right out and said he’s ready, but he’s dropped a few subtle hints.”

“Tell him the truth. Tell him about the abortion.”

Tam inhaled deeply and exhaled strongly. “I don’t know if I want a baby. Hell, I don’t even know for sure I can have one.”

“There is no reason to think that because of the abortion, you can’t get pregnant,” Audrey assured her. “But being able to get pregnant and wanting to have a baby are two different things. If you don’t want a baby because of what happened when you were a teenager, then I recommend some counseling to help you—”

Tam laughed, but when Audrey glanced at her face, she saw tears running down Tam’s cheeks.

“Well, that was a really impersonal and rather condescending statement, wasn’t it?” Audrey said. “I’m sorry, Tam. I let Dr. Sherrod inject herself into a situation where she had no business being. This talk is between you and me, Tam and Audrey, best friends since we were babies.”

“It’s all right,” Tam said. “And it’s not as if you haven’t been trying to get me into counseling for years.”

“I’m a bossy know-it-all.”

“Yes, you are, but I love you anyway.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“Audrey?”

“Hmm …?” She didn’t know if she was prepared for whatever Tam wanted to tell her. They had shared all their secrets over the years, trusting each other completely, but Audrey suspected there was one secret that Tam hadn’t shared with anyone.

“You know that I love Marcus. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me. He makes me so happy.”

“I know, and I’m very grateful to him. I love seeing you happy. I want only good things for you because you deserve only good things.”

“Do I?”

Audrey took Tam’s hands in hers. “Yes, you do.”

“I love Marcus, but …”

“But?”

“I don’t know if I can say it out loud. I don’t know if I dare.”

She squeezed Tam’s hands.

“A part of me—that stupid teenage girl—is still in love with Hart.”

Audrey released the breath she’d been holding and wrapped her arms around Tam, who clung to Audrey as she cried.

“How stupid does that make me?”

Oh, Tam, I knew. I knew, but I didn’t want to know.

And she also knew that no matter how much Tam and Hart had loved each other, how much they still loved each other, there was absolutely no hope for them as a couple. Not then. Not now. Not ever.

Chapter 9

Audrey balanced her briefcase in one hand and a mocha latte in the other as she approached her office. At the locked door, she maneuvered the latte out of her right hand into her left, then removed the key ring dangling from her clenched teeth and inserted the door key into the lock. Most mornings, she arrived before her receptionist, Donna Mackey, who usually arrived by eight-thirty, once she had dropped her twin grandsons at preschool. Her son-in-law, an army corporal, was stationed in the Middle East and her daughter worked the morning shift as a Burger King assistant manager. One of the reasons Audrey had hired Donna was because her grandmotherly appearance and personality immediately put patients at ease.

After making her way through the small waiting room and into her private office, Audrey dumped her briefcase in her swivel chair and set the latte on her desk. Just as she opened the window blinds to let in the morning sunlight, the phone rang. Before Donna arrived to take calls, the answering machine picked up and recorded messages, so Audrey continued moving through her office and back into the waiting room opening blinds and getting things in order for a busy Monday work schedule.

After the recorded message ended, a male voice said, “Dr. Sherrod, this is J.D. Cass.”

Audrey stopped and listened.

“I … uh … I was wondering if I could set up an appointment to talk to you.”

Audrey walked over to the telephone on her desk and laid her hand atop the receiver.

“It’s about Zoe,” J.D. said. “She seems to have taken a shine to you, and since she did … well, I thought maybe you could help her.” He paused for a moment, and then added, “Help us.”

Just let the answering machine take the call. Donna can contact Special Agent Cass later and arrange for an appointment. J.D. and his daughter are simply potential clients. Nothing more.

Her hand tightened on the receiver and before she could stop herself, Audrey disregarded what her common sense had told her.