Dangerous to Know

“She hurt you…she said something…contemptible. Didn’t she?”

“How do you know?”

“I know my daughter only too well,” he snapped. “Tell me what she said.”

“Sebastian, I can’t. I’m not a snitch.”

He scrutinized me a little more intently, and nodded to himself. “Integrity’s bred in the bone, especially in your bones. Do you know, Vivienne, you’re the most honorable person I’ve ever met, and whilst I understand your reluctance to tell tales out of school, I do think you ought to confide in me. After all, the party was very special…to us both. Certainly giving it for you meant a great deal to me, and I was startled when you ran off the way you did, looking so upset. In all fairness, I think you should tell me exactly what happened.”

He was right, of course he was. Taking a deep breath, I plunged: “She said I was a problem to you. A nuisance. That you wanted to be rid of me. She said you resented me, resented having to look after me, having to pay my tuition at Wellesley. She said I was a charity case, a nobody, just the brat of one of your—” I stopped short, unable to continue, and swallowed hard.

“Go on,” he commanded in a clipped, rather brusque tone.

“Luciana…She said I was just the brat of…of one of your whores,” I whispered.

His mouth tightened in anger, and I waited for him to explode. But he did not. He merely shook his head, looking dismayed, and muttered in a tight voice, “She’s a liar, my daughter. There are times, Vivienne, when I believe she’s the cleverest liar I’ve ever known. A better liar than Cyrus, and that’s saying something. But she’s very often foolhardy, stupid in the lies she tells. As she has been tonight. Yes, Luciana is a little fool.”

“I’m not a nuisance to you, am I?” I whispered.

“Of course not! Surely you must know that by now. Haven’t I proved to you that I care about you, care about your well-being? And what about your party? I wanted to give it for you, and I enjoyed doing so.”

I nodded. I could not say a word. It wasn’t that I was tongue-tied. Rather, I was mortified and angry with myself. I realized how ridiculous I must look to him, how untrusting of him I must appear. He had never let me down, and I knew him to be a scrupulous man, a man of his word. Naturally he didn’t resent me. Nor did it matter to him what my school fees cost, or my clothes and my upkeep. Money had never mattered to him. He had so much of it, he was almost contemptuous of it. Or so it seemed to me. Certainly he gave a great deal of it away. I had been an idiot, listening to Luciana. She had driven me away because she was jealous of me and my relationship with her father. All of a sudden I thought of her jealousy when we were children. She had manipulated me tonight; worst of all, I had allowed that manipulation.

He put his hand under my chin and lifted my face to his. “Tears, Vivienne? Oh dear, what a sad ending to such a beautiful evening.”

“I’m sorry, Sebastian,” I answered, sounding choked. “I’m so very sorry.”

Wiping my damp cheeks with his hand, he murmured, “Hush, darling, hush, there’s nothing to be sorry about.”

“I shouldn’t have listened to her.”

“No, you shouldn’t,” he agreed. “And remember, don’t pay attention to a thing she says in the future. Or anything Jack says, for that matter. He’s not quite as bad as she is, and he’s not a liar, but he can be devious.”

“I won’t listen to either of them,” I promised. I took a step forward, looked up into those bright blue eyes which were so carefully regarding me. My own expression was intense. “Please say it’s all right between us.”

His sudden wide smile made his eyes crinkle at the corners. “Nothing will ever come between us, Vivienne. We’re far too close, and we always have been. We’re friends for life, you and I. There’s a very special bond there. Well, there is, isn’t there?”

I nodded. I couldn’t speak. I was overwhelmed by him, by the potency of his looks, his sexuality; and I was engulfed by my own erupting emotions. I wanted him to belong to me, I wanted to belong to him in the truest sense. I tried to say something but no words would come.

Looking momentarily puzzled, he gave me a questioning glance, his eyes narrowing as he said, “You’ve got the most peculiar expression on your face. What are you thinking?”

I took another step nearer, leaned into him, and kissed him on the cheek. Finally finding my voice, I said, “I was thinking how wonderful you are, and how wonderful you’ve always been to me. And I want to thank you for my birthday party. My very special party.”

“You’re very welcome,” he said.

Holding my head on one side, I gazed up into his face. “I’m twenty-one. I’m grown up.”

“You are indeed,” he said with a faintly amused smile.

“Sebastian?”

“Yes?”

“I’m a woman now.”

There must have been something unusual in my expression, or perhaps it was the inflection in my voice. But whatever it was, he stared back at me in the oddest way and for the longest moment, that puzzled look more pronounced. Unexpectedly, he took a step toward me, then he stopped abruptly.

We exchanged a long look, one so deep, so knowing, so full of longing, I felt my breath catch in my throat. Before I could stop myself, and almost against my own volition, I began to move forward, drawing closer to him.

It seemed to me that he watched every step I took, and then without uttering a word, Sebastian reached out for me. He pulled me into his arms with such fierceness, I was startled. And he held me so tightly I could scarcely breathe.

And everything changed. I changed. Sebastian changed. Our lives changed irrevocably. The past was demolished. Only the present remained. The present and the future. Our future together. We were meant to be, he and I. At least, so I believed. It had always been so. Our course had long been set. Somehow I knew this. Moving his head slightly, Sebastian bent down and kissed me. When he moved his tongue lightly against my lips, I parted them quite naturally. Our tongues touched. My legs felt weak and I held onto him tighter than ever for support, as he continued to kiss me in this most intimate manner. Without warning, he stopped, held me away from him almost roughly and looked down into my face.

Again our eyes locked. I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him. He had already told me so without uttering a word. And yet I detected hesitation in him.

I took hold of his hand and led him upstairs. Once inside the room, he let go of my hand and moved away from me, hovered in the center of the floor. I felt, rather than observed, his uncertainty. After a moment, he said in a strangled voice, “I came to take you back to your birthday party…” His voice trailed off.

“No! I don’t want to go back. I want to be here. To be with you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, Sebastian.”

“Vivienne…”

We moved at the same time.

We were in each other’s arms, holding onto each other. Eventually we drew apart. He struggled out of his dinner jacket, threw it on a chair, undid his bow tie as he walked to the bedroom door. With one hand he locked it; with the other he began to remove the sapphire studs from his evening shirt, and his eyes never left my face as he walked back to me.

I opened my arms to him. He came into them swiftly, held me close to him. He undid my zipper and suddenly my evening dress was a pile of white lace at my feet. Drawing me toward the bed without a word, he pushed me down on it, lay next to me, took me in his arms once more. His mouth found mine. He caressed every part of me, his hands moving over me with such expertise I was soon fully aroused, spiralling into ecstasy. When he entered me a moment later, I gasped, cried out and he stopped, staring down at me. I assured him I was all right, urged him on, wrapping my arms around him. My hands were firm and strong on his broad back and I found his rhythm, moved with him, inflamed by his passion and my own urgent desire. And so we soared upward together, and as we reached the peak I cried out again, as did he.

We lay together silently. Sebastian’s breathing was labored and his body was damp. I went to the bathroom, found a towel, came back and rubbed him dry. He half smiled at me, pulled me to him, wrapped his long legs around my body, and rested against me, still without speaking. But there was no awkwardness in our silence, only eloquence, ease.

I let my fingers slide into his thick black hair; I ran my hands over his shoulders and his back. I kissed him as I wanted to kiss him. It was not long before we made love again and we did so without constraint.

Satiated and a little sore, we eventually lay still. After a while, Sebastian raised himself on one elbow, looked down at me. Moving a strand of hair, he said quietly, “If I’d known you were a virgin, I wouldn’t—”

I pressed my fingers against his lips. “Don’t say it.”

He shook his head. “It never occurred to me, Vivi, not in this day and age…” His sentence trickled away and he shook his head, a little helplessly, I thought.

I said, “I was saving myself.”

A dark brow lifted above those piercing blue eyes.

“For you,” I explained with a smug smile. “I saved myself for you, Sebastian. I’ve wanted you to make love to me for as long as I can remember.”

“Oh Vivi, and I never even guessed.”

I reached out, touched his face. “I love you, Sebastian Locke. I’ve always loved you. And I always will…all the days of my life.”

He bent down and kissed me softly on the lips, and then he put his arms around me, holding me close to him, keeping me safe.