Act of Will

‘Neither your father nor I have ever said anything about cutting you off,’ Christina exclaimed, furious that Kyle was even suggesting such a thing. ‘Your problem is your inability to discuss this matter intelligently. And calmly. You fly off the handle every time we attempt to have a reasonable conversation with you.’

‘Listen who’s talking! You’re not calm either!’

Christina’s mouth tightened in aggravation, but she strove hard to curb her increasing exasperation with her daughter. ‘That’s not so surprising is it?’ she countered in her coldest tone. ‘I have built an enormous empire, an international fashion business worth millions and millions of dollars, and you’re my only child, my heir. It’s always been understood that you’d succeed me, one day. Understood by all of us. Why, you’re being trained with that in mind…and now, out of the blue, you announce that you don’t want the company. I’m flabber –’

‘No, I don’t!’ Kyle shouted. ‘Can’t you get that through your head yet, Mother? I’ve been saying it for days! I’m not in the least bit interested in your stupid business empire! It can go to hell, collapse, for all I care! It’s your problem, not mine!’

Recoiling, Christina drew in her breath sharply. She was as much stunned by Kyle’s vehemence as by her

words.

Audra, shocked, admonished swiftly, ‘Steady on there, Kyle.’

Immediately, Kyle knew she had gone too far, and she bit her lip in embarrassment. Bright hot colour blotched her neck, sped up into her smooth young cheeks. She glanced at her grandmother, so pale and still on the sofa. She saw the sadness and disappointment reflected in Audra’s candid blue eyes, saw the gentle reproach on her sweet face. Discomfort tinged with shame swept over her. She recognized she had discredited herself with her grandmother, whom she adored, and this she could not bear. She burst into tears and fled before she disgraced herself further, slamming the door behind her.

Christina stared at the door speechlessly.

She was mortified, enraged, and so taut that her shoulder blades protruded through her thin silk jacket. ‘Can you believe it!’ she exploded and took a step forward, obviously intent on following Kyle.

‘No, no, let her go,’ Audra said firmly, pushing herself up, hurrying across the room. She took hold of Christina’s arm and led her back to the sofa.

Gently forcing her daughter down next to her, she went on, ‘There’s no point in continuing this. There’s nothing to be gained. You know very well that the things we say when we’re angry are difficult to retract later, and you must admit you’re both overwrought at the moment.’

‘Yes, I suppose we are.’ Distractedly, Christina ran a hand through her hair, then slumped against the cushions, feeling miserable and frustrated. But after only a moment she jumped up, restlessly began to pace back and forth in front of the fireplace.

As she watched her, Audra’s worry intensified. She had never seen Christina quite like this before, so agitated, with her temper so close to the surface and her patience so tightly stretched. Normally she was calm, in control, no matter what the circumstance. But then her world had never been rocked as it was rocked now; and Audra knew, too, that Kyle’s words, thoughtlessly uttered in the heat of the moment and without any real malice, had nevertheless been cruel, hurtful to Christina.

Wishing to assuage that hurt as best she could, Audra said in her most reassuring voice, ‘Kyle didn’t mean it, Christie. You know, about not caring if the business collapsed. Of course she cares, and she does love you, dear.’

‘She has a fine way of showing it,’ Christina grumbled without looking at her mother, continuing to pace, her nervousness unabated, her mind still fogged by the pain her daughter had inflicted.

Audra sighed and, understanding everything, remained silent. She settled back in the corner of the sofa, waiting for Christina to calm herself, relieved that the shouting had stopped. There was hardly any sound in the room now, only the faint murmur of silk against silk as Christina moved, the ticking of the brass carriage clock on a chest between the French windows, the muffled rumble of the traffic on Sutton Place spiralling up through those windows, standing wide open on this balmy day in the middle of May. She glanced towards the terrace, mottled with sunlight, blooming with greenery and flowering plants, absently wondering how well the pink azaleas would do out there.

Then she brought her eyes back to the interior, let them roam around. For a split second her anxiousness was diluted as she absorbed the loveliness of the setting awash with tones of peach and apricot and cream, the beauty surrounding her, enveloping her…the priceless art on the walls, two Cézannes, a Gauguin…the fine English antiques with their dark glossy woods…bronze sculpture by Arp…the profusion of flowers in tall crystal vases…all illuminated by silk-shaded lamps of rare and ancient Chinese porcelains.

What marvellous taste Christina and Alex have, Audra thought, and experienced a burst of motherly pride in her daughter and son-in-law. This was not induced merely by the graciousness they had recently created in this room, but was a genuine pride in what they were as people, for all that they had achieved in their life together. They had a harmonious relationship, and their marriage had only gone from strength to strength over the years, and for that Audra was thankful.

Her thoughts settled on Alex Newman. He was a kind and gentle man, one of the most thoughtful people she had ever met. He had been like a loving son to her. How she wished he were here at this moment. He may not have succeeded in quelling the trouble which had erupted between his wife and daughter, but with his tact and good humour, and worshipping Christina the way he did, he always had a tranquillizing effect on her.

Audra turned her head, looked over at the carriage clock. To her disappointment, it was only ten minutes to five and Alex never got home from work before seven. On the other hand, perhaps he would arrive earlier today, since they were going out to dinner at eight. As she contemplated the evening stretching ahead, her heart sank. Unless there was a radical change in Kyle’s disposition in the next few hours it was going to be an awkward evening.

Now, as though she had homed in on Audra’s thoughts, Christina said, ‘I don’t much relish the idea of going to dinner at Jack and Betsy Morgan’s, nice though they are, and so fond of you, Mummy. No, not with Kyle in this bolshy frame of mind.’

Drawing to a standstill at last, Christina looked directly at her mother and smiled ruefully, her greyish-blue eyes filled with concern. For the first time she noticed the weariness etched on Audra’s face and she bit her lip, frowning.

‘You must be bone tired and terribly jet-lagged, darling, ’ she exclaimed. ‘How selfish we’ve been since you arrived yesterday. We haven’t given you a chance to catch your breath. I’d better pack you off for a rest before we go out to dinner.’

‘No, not just yet, Christie. I’m all right, really I am,’ Audra said.

Christina crossed to the sofa, sat down next to Audra and took her hand. She held it tightly, looked into her mother’s lined face, swamped by the deep and abiding love she felt for her. She shook her head and her smoky gaze was tender as she said, ‘Kyle’s judgement might be cockeyed about some things, but she could easily be right about dragging you all this way, needlessly –’ Abruptly she stopped. Guilt flooded through her. Her mother was seventy years old, almost seventy-one, and should not be exposed to their problems at this time in her life. She and Alex ought to be capable of dealing with their recalcitrant daughter themselves. Irritated at the thought of their ineptitude, Christina cried, ‘We haven’t been fair to you, expecting you to cope with us and our mess when you could be at home with Daddy! You could be pottering around in your garden, or going off on your little day trips to the seaside – certainly leading a tranquil life. You must think Alex and I are a couple of imbeciles!’

‘Don’t be so silly.’ Audra squeezed Christina’s slender hand, so different from hers, gnarled as it was by arthritis. ‘You know what your father always says – that I’d come to you no matter what it entailed if you needed me, and even if I had to walk the three thousand miles to get here. I love you, Christie, and I love that granddaughter of mine, and Alex. I can’t bear to see you all so unhappy.’

Christina confided in a low, tense voice, ‘It’s so wrong of Kyle to abandon her courses at the Fashion Institute and to spurn my business the way she is doing. Having her take over from me one day has always been a cherished dream of mine.’ These last few words caught in her throat and she had to steady herself before she could continue, ‘Oh Mum, what’s it all been about? What’s all my hard work been for, if Kyle walks away?’ Christina’s eyes welled with tears and she averted her head, blinking.

Audra felt a pang of sympathy, and her heart went out to her daughter. In an effort to comfort her, she murmured, ‘But Christie darling, you’ve derived a great deal of pleasure and satisfaction from your designing, and making a name for yourself in the fashion world has always been important to you, as well as a challenge. What you’ve accomplished, your staggering achievements and success – why surely these things must be gratifying to you…’ Audra let her sentence trail off. She was incapable of finishing it. How hollow the words are, she thought.

I, and I alone, know what Christina sacrificed, what it cost her to create the business. She paid a high price, a terrible price, really. That’s why she’s so emotional about it, why she can’t stand Kyle’s rejection of it now.

Having regained her composure, Christina was remarking in a more level voice, ‘The last two weeks have been sheer purgatory with Kyle, Mother. She’s downright stubborn. Her implacability astounds me. Unnerves me, actually. I’ve never met anyone like her.’

Oh, Audra thought, haven’t you? She threw her daughter a startled glance but she wisely said nothing. This was not the time to start delving into ancient events; there was already far too much turbulence and emotional upset in this family as it was. And so adopting a positive manner, Audra said, ‘Kyle and I have always been such good friends since she was a child, and that’s one of the reasons we decided I should come to New York, isn’t it? Anyway, I promised to spend the day with her tomorrow. I’m sure she wants to unburden herself to me, and I am more than ready to listen.’

‘But you will talk to her, won’t you? I mean as well as listen.’ Without waiting for a reply, Christina plunged on, ‘She respects you, pays attention to you, wants to please you. So you will make her see reason, won’t you, Mummy?’

Audra nodded, although she had her misgivings, and managed to say encouragingly, ‘Yes, I will, and somehow we’ll sort this out, Christie.’

For the first time in days Christina felt a little of the heaviness lifting from her and her tired eyes brightened. She leaned into Audra, kissed her wrinkled cheek, very tenderly, then rested her head on her mother’s shoulder. ‘I’m so glad you’re here, Mam. You’re such a comfort, and I know you’ll make everything come out right, as you always have.’

Mam, Audra repeated silently. For years it had been Mummy or Mum or Mother. Mam was the childhood name. Hearing it now, suddenly, after all these years made Audra flinch. It evoked so many memories, not all of them happy ones. Then a rush of warmth and love filled her throat and for a moment she could not speak. Automatically she lifted her hand and stroked Christina’s glossy hair. It’s true, old habits die hard, Audra thought, bending down, kissing the top of her daughter’s head. All that money, all that power, all that fame, but she’s still my little girl. I can’t stand to see her distressed in this way. But then there is also Kyle. My only grandchild, and her unhappiness is insupportable. What a dilemma. Skating on thin ice between the two of them. Oh, dear God, wherever will I find the wisdom and strength to help each one without somehow inflicting hurt on the other.

Growing conscious that her daughter was waiting for a response, Audra clamped down on her worries. ‘I can only try to make things come out right for you, Christie,’ she said softly. ‘I told you, when I arrived, that I’m not going to take sides. Anyway, Kyle is correct about it being her life. And she does have the right to live it the way she sees fit.’

Straightening up, Christina nodded slowly. ‘Yes,’ she replied evenly, ‘I know what you mean. But she’s very young and inexperienced, and she can’t possibly know her own mind. Not yet, at any rate.’ Rising, Christina walked over to one of the French windows, stood gazing out at the terrace. Then she swung around and gave Audra a penetrating look. ‘Rejecting my business out of hand is not only foolish but irresponsible of her, wouldn’t you say?’

‘Well, yes,’ Audra felt bound to agree, yet she had the need to defend her granddaughter, and could not help adding, ‘Still, Kyle is intelligent, as well as being a spirited and independent girl. And, you know, I also find her very wise for someone her age.’ Audra paused, thinking: Well, in for a penny, in for a pound, and I might as well say it all. Taking a deep breath, she finished in her firmest manner, ‘I just want you to give some consideration to her needs, her desires, as well as your own. Promise me that you will.’

Christina was startled, and there was a brief silence before she muttered, ‘All right…yes…I promise.’

It struck Audra that there was a lingering reluctance in this promise. Slowly and very carefully, she said, ‘Once, a long time ago, I told you that a child is only lent to you, Christina. Don’t ever forget that.’

Christina stared at Audra and the strangest expression crossed her face. She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it. She swung away, focusing her eyes on the terrace once more, as she reflected on her mother’s words.

Absently, Audra pushed a strand of silver hair away from her face, and sat back, watching, waiting. She saw her daughter’s shoulders droop in dejection, saw at once the pensive expression settling on her pretty mouth. Yes, she’s remembering, Audra thought. And I’ve said enough for today. Maybe too much, if the truth be known. It would be wiser to let things rest where they are for the present.

Gripping the arm of the sofa, Audra pulled herself to her feet a bit unsteadily, exhaustion finally getting the better of her. ‘I think I will have a rest before dinner, perhaps try to get a little sleep,’ she said.

‘Yes, yes, you should,’ Christina responded swiftly. She went quickly to Audra’s side, put her arm around her shoulders lovingly, and escorted her out of the room.

Half an hour later Audra was still wide awake, much to her own irritation. Try though she might to sleep, she was unable to do so. Christina had accompanied her to the guest suite at the far end of the penthouse, had closed the curtains, plumped up the bed pillows, and generally fussed solicitously until Audra had impatiently waved her out. Glad to be alone at last, Audra had undressed, slipped on a robe and stretched out on the bed. She had done so gratefully. Every bone in her body ached, she was debilitated by jet-lag and her hands and knees throbbed painfully as her arthritis flared. But the moment her head touched the pillow her mind had started to race.

Mostly Audra was worried that she had made a terrible mistake in coming to New York. Might it not have been more prudent to refuse Alex’s request, and leave them alone to battle it out between themselves? she wondered. And it was going to be a battle, Audra was quite positive of that. It would be a trial of strength. Christie would worry it through, refusing to let go, tenacious to the end; Kyle would dig her heels in, equally stubborn and determined to win no matter what the cost to everyone involved. The stakes were so high neither of them could possibly act in any other way. Where was it all going to end? In disaster, she suspected. They couldn’t both win. One of them would have to lose. And the loser would be bitter and resentful.

I have to find a way to help them settle this, Audra told herself, then with a stab of dismay she wondered how. If Alex, who was intelligent, diplomatic and persuasive, had been unable to arbitrate their differences, then surely she would not be able to influence them either. I must find a way, she muttered.

With a sigh of weariness, Audra opened her eyes, acknowledging that sleep was going to evade her. The spacious bedroom looked as tranquil as it always did in the gentle light seeping in through the curtains. Usually the blue-and-white colour scheme, elegant furnishings and opulent comfort engendered a sense of well-being in her, soothed her. But these feelings were sadly absent tonight.

Audra shivered. The early evening breeze blowing in through the window was cool now and there was a sharp tinge of dampness in the air; it seemed to penetrate her joints. Shivering again she drew the quilt up over her body and reached for her pills. Putting one in her mouth, she washed it down with a sip of water, reminding herself that this was her third; the doctor had warned her not to take more than four in one day.