Cooking Without Made Easy: All recipes free from added gluten, sugar, yeast and dairy produce

Eventually, Natalie came to see me when she developed arthritis. She went home from her first consultation enthusiastic about the slender, healthy body that she felt she would soon regain. A few months later she was back in my consulting room saying that she was going to have to give up on the treatment. She was having a few problems with her husband and needed time to sort these out before she resumed treatment. It seems that Natalie had started expressing how she felt as she had started to detoxify and this had caused problems between her and her husband. I tried to explain that this was all part of the detoxification, that health wasn’t just about being slim and fit but about being true to our selves and in touch with our own potential and power. It’s not an easy concept to grasp and Natalie didn’t even want to try. Things were very uncomfortable and she didn’t like it, so she chose to go back to her old way of life rather than rock the boat. She took menial jobs that fitted in with the children’s schooling and holidays and continued to have health problems. Natalie chose to remain toxic rather than face and move through her pain.

Learning to love ourselves

If we are not following our true path and meeting our needs, then we are not loving and caring for ourselves. We then need other people or other things to serve as a substitute for love, and to use as an anaesthetic to cover up our basic unease. Natalie used food, but whatever ‘substance’ you are addicted to—be it alcohol, drugs, sex, television, shopping or gambling—you are using something or someone to cover up your pain. Natalie’s husband used work. I used sweet food, but I also always wanted other people to love me because I didn’t love myself. I always dreamt of wonderful birthdays and Christmases when I would be showered with gifts. I always hoped that my husband would buy me chocolates and flowers and book tables in romantic candlelit restaurants, but it never happened. And it didn’t happen because the universe wanted me to learn to love myself. This lesson repeated itself so many times in my life that I eventually wrote the following quote, which I’ve handed out regularly to clients over the years: ‘We don’t get what we want in life, we get what we need in order to grow. When we’ve grown we get what we’ve always wanted, only then we don’t need it any more’.

The more I wanted others to show how much they loved me, the less love I received. Eventually, however, when I started loving myself sufficiently, others started treating me better, but guess what? I didn’t need it any more. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t appreciate their kindness, because I did, but it became a bonus and an indulgence rather than a necessity.

Learning to love ourselves doesn’t make relationships redundant, but it does mean that we move on from dysfunctional relationships where we are too dependent on our partners to meet our needs, to a relationship where two people come together for mutual growth and benefit, one in which each is able to stand on their own feet, meet their needs and follow their own path.

Being human

During the time I was learning to love myself I suddenly found myself attracted to someone new. The feeling was mutual and I was shocked. I thought I had the perfect marriage, so what was happening? However, in reality I was more in touch with what I imagined my marriage to be, rather than the real thing. Looking back, I did the best possible thing—I told my husband what was happening and how I was feeling. This opened up a level of communication we’d never had before, enabling us both to face issues, many of which we’d not even known were there. These issues were ones that would have come up in the new relationship, if I’d chosen to move on, because like attracts like. I was attracting someone who would have been there to teach me in the same way that my husband was. The only time a new relationship is necessary is when an old one is over; when one partner has moved on and grown and the other hasn’t and doesn’t want to.

I’d not been in touch enough with my feelings to be able to be honest with myself, and now suddenly feelings were overwhelming me. I had always tried to be ‘Miss Perfect’, using perfectionism and super-achievement as a shield to cover up for my lack of self-worth. But suddenly I felt very human, and human beings are not infallible. It was actually a relief to realize that I was human; that I wasn’t perfect and that it was actually all right not to be. I was being taught to love myself, warts and all. Even though I hadn’t consciously attracted someone else, I’d obviously done so unconsciously. Inside of me there was still that little girl who just wanted to be loved and who felt better about herself knowing that others loved her. It made me much more aware of the work I still needed to do in order to love myself sufficiently so that I wasn’t so needy. I had to be able to stand on my own two feet, whoever I was with.

My husband’s fear of losing me made him face up to the fears that had prevented him from wanting to listen to my problems in the past. If I wasn’t happy he felt vulnerable, inadequate and lacking in control. In turn, I sensed his pain and tapped into my own fears of losing him, because I wasn’t making him happy, therefore I’d always suppressed my feelings and backed down. Now that things were changing, I was able to tell him about all the occasions when I’d been unhappy, when I’d felt unsupported, when I’d been very hurt. I cried and I got angry. Finally being honest with each other allowed us both to grow and we became closer—and more open with each other than we’d ever been.

Jane’s story

Jane was a client of mine. She was married with two boys and had what she considered a good marriage. Jane was a carer—she loved looking after her home and family and never complained. Her husband had his own business and worked long hours, but he was a good father and always found time for the boys. He would take them to football matches or play with them on the computer and had built up a good relationship with his sons. However, the family didn’t do many things together—they rarely went out for the day or to the seaside or even on holiday. Jane would often entertain her husband’s work colleagues, despite the fact that she didn’t like some of them. She also did the book keeping for the business because it helped out and saved the company money, rather than because she enjoyed it.

Jane had started taking antidepressants in order to cope with her father’s long illness and subsequent death. The drugs helped her to suppress the emotions she needed to work through, many of which stemmed from the lack of support she was receiving. She came to me to help her come off the antidepressant. However, each time she cut down the amount she was taking she became anxious. This was caused by mental and emotional toxicity that she needed to work through and leave behind. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what’s behind them, therefore I suggested that she came regularly for support in order to begin to work through the issues at the root of her anxiety. Unfortunately, this never happened as Jane always managed to cancel her next appointment before we’d done any constructive work. In her heart, though, Jane knew that this was the right way forward and would arrive back in my consulting room six months down the line, back on the full amount of antidepressants. We’d then start the process again, only for her to give up yet again.

Eventually, the drugs were not sufficient and Jane started to turn to alcohol. She enjoyed a glass of wine and considered it a treat, but what had been an occasional tipple became a daily necessity, something that she turned to whenever she felt anxious, uncomfortable, unloved or put upon. As a result, the emotions that were trying to come to the surface were suppressed yet again.

Then one day Jane met someone else, had an affair and moved out of the family home. Everyone was shocked, including Jane. She couldn’t understand what was happening to her; what this compulsion was that was dragging her away from what she thought was a good marriage. She said that she hadn’t minded always being there and looking after everyone, yet the man she had met was giving her all the things that she’d never had in her marriage: weekends away, days out, holidays, fun, time for her, and support. Jane had used drugs and alcohol over the years to suppress the real her. She had tapped into one side of her personality, the carer, but had ignored a part of her soul that was crying out for attention.

Unfortunately, the story doesn’t have a happy ending. Eventually, Jane’s husband took the opportunity to move to America and the boys decided to go with him. They never forgave their mother for breaking up their home. And so Jane gained and lost a great deal.

It’s not for me to judge if Jane did the right thing. Only her soul knows if she is on the right path, but I can’t help wondering what would have happened if Jane had been able to stay with the diet and detoxification.

The last few case histories have been about women getting in touch with their feelings and having sufficient power to act upon them, but I haven’t yet talked about men. At present, the world is going through a great metamorphosis and this is affecting men as well as women. In the past, women were seen as nurturers and men as achievers. Now this is changing and the change is causing a lot of confusion, pain and loneliness. Men and women are becoming more androgynous and becoming whole within themselves – sometimes receptive, sometimes assertive. Relationships between men and women are changing to one of mutual understanding, companionship and growth. We are learning to talk to each other as equals and human beings instead of trying to fit into stereotypical male and female roles.

The patriarchal domination of the world is hopefully coming to an end. The feminine represents the kind of power we need in order to overcome the warmongering, empire-building greed that is bringing our planet to the edge of extinction. The fear and disrespect of the feminine emerges from a fear and distrust of one’s own feelings. There is no room in a male-dominated system for them. If one really felt the effects of one’s actions—whether the act is suppressing a race, abusing a child or allowing starvation to occur—most people could not continue to live with the internal conflict it would cause.

Fortunately, many men today are starting to become aware of their feminine side and are more ready to show their feelings. They are letting go of control and starting to respond from their hearts. They are learning to tap into a higher spiritual power and flow with their intuition.

Jonathan’s story

Jonathan’s childhood was characterized by the dominance of his strict father, who wanted Jonathan to be ‘a success in life’. Being a very sensitive and caring child who loved animals and art, Jonathan did not fit in well with the role he was being forced to play. When Jonathan arrived home from school, he wasn’t allowed to play with his friends, watch television or draw. If he didn’t have homework from school, his dad set some for him to do. He was forced to play rugby and take part in judo, even though he hated these contact sports. He was, however, quite a good long-distance runner, but instead of being able to enjoy his talent his father killed his enthusiasm. Jonathan told me about a time when he was leading a race but ran out of stamina and was overtaken in the last leg. He was runner-up in the race, but his father was furious that he had allowed himself to be overtaken.

Jonathan was only in his early twenties and at university when he had a nervous breakdown. He was doing all the things he thought he was meant to do in order to enjoy life, such as going to football matches with his friends and for drinking sessions at the pub, but inside he was empty and unhappy and he didn’t know why.

Jonathan came to me because he instinctively knew that the drugs he had been given for his breakdown were only masking the symptoms. He didn’t know what to expect, or even if I could help him, but he knew that there had to be another way He happily changed his diet and started to detoxify. He was so thrilled that someone understood what he was going through and was offering him a way out of his trauma. As Jonathan detoxified he was able to work through some of the issues in his past, though now he was able to see what went on from a more mature perspective.

Jonathan still spoke to his father regularly but he hated their phone calls or meetings because his father still tried to tell him what to do. A real breakthrough occurred when Jonathan stood up for himself one day and told his father what HE thought and what HE was going to do. His father refused to speak to him for quite a few weeks but Jonathan didn’t back down. He also worked through the anger he felt towards his mother for not sticking up for him when he was a child. Eventually, Jonathan was able to build up a relationship with both his parents. It was never going to be easy because his parents hadn’t moved on and Jonathan had. However, he was able to accept them for what they were—and even forgive them for the past—and carry on to complete for himself the job of parenting. Jonathan started to develop a strong psychic talent as he tapped into his feminine side. I’m not sure where this will take him, as he is still young, but he is now open to whatever the universe has in mind. It hasn’t been an easy path for him and he has suffered great pain and loneliness along the way. The things that are important to him now do not fit in with his old lifestyle—or that of the youth culture of today—but as the years go by he will meet others on similar paths and his true purpose will be revealed to him. However, what he is going through now is nothing in comparison to the pain and torment he was suffering. He has gained an inner strength and peace and an understanding that will hopefully enable him to reach his potential and make a difference during his time on this planet.

Tom is another male client who had to contend with a strong father who struggled to associate feminine, creative qualities with his image of masculinity. For Tom to be a writer, and to learn to feel comfortable in that career, has entailed a lot of soul searching and hard work. I’m looking forward to seeing his success as he taps into his true feminine creativity and leaves behind his past conditioning. Here, Tom tells his own story.

Tom’s story

‘I suppose I’d felt for some time that looking more closely at what I ate could be helpful in my healing process, but it was seeing the dramatic improvement in my partner’s health that provided the final impetus.

I had been involved in personal development and had used alternative therapies for a number of years but I was still regularly suffering from debilitating and extremely painful headaches.

I teach scriptwriting and have had a great deal of success in “turning on” lots of students to the joys of creative writing. However, despite consistent confirmation of my own ability as a writer, I have suffered a good deal of ambivalence, as well as a lack of confidence, about my own work.

At the end of our first session, Barbara asked me how I felt with what she had suggested. I can still remember the hubris with which I shrugged the question off. This was no big deal to an evolved guy like me who already ate fairly healthily. Knowing the power of dramatic irony only too well, part of me looks back with amusement at that cock-sure attitude. I found myself having sudden fits of rage, cursing vegetables and hurling the sieve across the kitchen as I drained yet another load of brown rice. I was also astonished at how these outbursts seem to come from nowhere.

Sticking with the discipline of the nutritional programme was sometimes far from easy and it is to Barbara’s credit that she knew just when and how to offer support. She sensitively worked her holistic magic, addressing mind, body and spirit. As the detoxification continued, I found greater equilibrium: my health started to improve and my headaches lessened. In particular my energy levels and my moods evened out. I found a more naturally-rooted zest for living coming up. I could make changes in circumstances faster and more easily, and there was a pronounced improvement in knowing what I wanted and being able to assert those wishes, as well as being able to break patterns of over-adaptation to others.

There have been major changes in my life: my relationship broke up; a much postponed plan to redecorate my house has been acted upon; my teaching work has changed direction; I have started training as a drama therapist; I have started offering personal development/creativity workshops; and I have now (18 months on) started a new relationship that feels much easier than previous liaisons.

Working with Barbara has been a significant experience in my life. It has helped me to discover a more solid sense of self-worth, an inner knowing of what I need, along with a deeper impulse to really care for myself—and I’m now starting to feel a new dawn looming on the creative writing front.’

Hopefully by reading my story, and those of some of my clients, you will have gained some insight into the extent to which dietary measures can improve not only our physical health, but also our mental and emotional state. If you are having health problems why not try a change of diet? If you feel lost and don’t know what direction to take in life, a change of diet might help you find yourself. If you are having problems with a relationship or work colleagues then what have you to lose by changing your diet? Good luck and may you find your path, your potential and your health.

Some guidance on recipes and ingredients

Serving size: I decided to make most of the recipes in this book feed two people, rather than four as in my previous books. This makes it easier for those of you who are cooking for one, as I know is often the case. The recipes are easy to halve for one, or double if you are cooking for four or want extra for the next day or the freezer. The soups still feed four as they all freeze so easily. I have tried to suggest lots of alternatives where possible in recipes, so that readers can work around likes and dislikes as well as allergies and intolerances.

Tablespoons and teaspoons: The spoons I have used when creating these recipes are measuring spoons.

Milk: Where recipes contain milk I have used soya milk, but others could be substituted. The choice is now wide and includes milk made from ingredients such as oats, rice, quinoa and almonds. However, while some milks are naturally sweet, others have sweeteners such as apple juice added and these would be less acceptable in savoury recipes. I’ve not been able to test all the milks available in all the recipes so take care as some may separate on heating.

Yogurt: Where recipes contain yogurt I have used soya yogurt, but this can often be replaced with goat or sheep’s yogurt or even coconut milk.

Soya Dream: I have suggested this as an alternative to cream for serving with desserts. It’s made from soya beans but does have fructose and glucose syrup added. It is readily available in supermarkets and health food shops.

Tomatoes: If necessary, tinned tomatoes can be replaced with carrot juice or stock, or even tinned lentils in some vegetarian dishes. Tomato puree can be omitted and other vegetables used instead of fresh tomatoes.

Lemon juice and lemon rind: I have used lemon juice and lemon rind to flavour some recipes but they could be omitted without too much detriment to the flavour. Vinegar can be used in salad dressings, if you do not have a problem with fermented foods, or another fruit juice, such as orange or pineapple, added. I like to freeze both lemon juice and lemon rind so that they are always to hand. I place the grated rind in containers and provided you don’t press it down, it’s easy to extract a teaspoon when needed. I freeze the juice in ice cube trays then decant into a storage container once frozen.

Pickled lemons: Whole lemons are preserved in brine and provide a wonderful Moroccan flavouring to dishes. Omit if you cannot tolerate citrus. For suppliers see the list at the back of this book.

Fruit juices: These can be substituted with other juices—try pineapple juice instead of orange juice and apple juice instead of grape.

Tamari sauce: This is a wheat-free alternative to soya sauce. It imparts a wonderful savoury flavour to recipes, but it is fermented, so avoid if you have Candida problems. It is useful for adding to dishes you feel are lacking in flavour, and is readily available in health food shops and some supermarkets.

Fish sauce: This adds a wonderful flavour to any savoury dishes and doesn’t really smell or taste fishy. It is made from anchovies, salt and 2 per cent sugar. It is fermented, so avoid it if you have Candida problems. Suppliers are listed at the back of the book, though it is now available in most supermarkets.

Horseradish sauce: A salt-pickled version, containing no dairy produce, is available. See the list of suppliers. This is not fermented, though a little lactic acid may be produced when it is processed. I also found a hot horseradish in my supermarket that was similar.