White Rose Of Winter

Robert let his breath out on a heavy sigh. ‘Oh, stop it, Julie!’ He ran a hand over his hair impatiently. ‘What do you want me to say? I’m doing my best to be tolerant—’

‘Tolerant!’ Julie was indignant. ‘What have you to be tolerant of?’

‘You!’ he snapped shortly. ‘Do you think given the choice, I would have accepted this situation?’

Julie held up her head. ‘It’s what your mother wanted.’

‘But not what I wanted!’ Robert’s voice was harsh. ‘Believe me, Julie, I prayed I’d never have to see you again!’

Julie felt the hot colour bum up her throat and into her face. ‘I – I bet you did,’ she faltered unconvincingly.

‘Oh, Julie!’ There was an agonized kind of exasperation in his voice now. ‘This is getting us nowhere. Look, what’s past is past. We’ve both got to accept that, haven’t we? And Michael chose that you and Emma should be put into my care – let’s at least try and remember that.’

Julie bent her head. ‘How could I forget it?’ she whispered tremulously.

Robert made a helpless gesture, and then moving closer put his hand on her shoulder as if to show that he understood the grief she was feeling. But Julie flinched away from his touch as though his cool flesh had burned her, and his jaw tightened angrily before he flung himself away from her and through the door into the lounge.

Julie stood where he had left her, trembling violently. His solicitude had been so unexpected, and she would not have believed it could have such a profound effect on her. She had expected to feel a kind of painful nostalgia at seeing Robert again, but nothing she had imagined had prepared her for this instant emotionalism whenever he came near her, and when he had touched her, her flesh had melted beneath his fingers exactly as it had used to do.

She pressed the palms of her hands to her burning cheeks. This was crazy. She wasn’t an impressionable teenager any longer. She was a woman, a woman of twenty-six, who had been married for almost six years. How could she react so intensely to such an indifferent gesture? Where was the control she had always prided herself on possessing? Whatever must he have thought of her?

Suddenly the door to the lounge opened and Emma appeared, her expression changing to one of concern as she took in Julie’s obvious distress. ‘What’s the matter, Mummy? Are you crying about Daddy again?’

Emma’s words sobered her. ‘I’m not crying, darling. I – I got something in my eye, that’s all.’

Emma frowned for a moment, and then seemed to accept the explanation. ‘We’re waiting for you,’ she said. ‘Are you coming?’

Julie realized that Emma was now wearing the red anorak she had brought with her from Rhatoon, and was obviously ready to go out. Nodding, she followed Emma back into the lounge to find Robert in conversation with his mother. He had put on a sheepskin jacket which added to his height and bulk, and he glanced round impatiently when he saw Julie was still not ready.

‘I really don’t see why Julie needs to go,’ Lucy Pemberton was saying. ‘I understood you were only going to see the contractors, Robert.’

‘I am. But as Julie is to live there I don’t see why she shouldn’t see the place.’ He turned to his sister-in-law. ‘Do you want to go?’

Julie hesitated. Of course she wanted to go. But a morning spent in Robert’s company could be disastrous to her peace of mind. Nevertheless, a morning spent with Lucy Pemberton was likely to be much worse.

‘Of course I want to go,’ she said, infusing a note of casual interest into her voice, endeavouring to show him she was in complete control of herself again. ‘If you’d woken me earlier, I’d not have kept you waiting so long.’

Robert looked relieved. ‘Fine. Well, get a coat. It’s fine, but it’s damn cold, believe me.’

‘I do.’ Julie nodded, and with lightening steps left the room.

The only coat she had to wear at the moment was the sable fur which had been her only extravagance, and which she had bought on the advice of a friend, before leaving Kuala Lumpur. It had seemed ridiculous buying such a garment out there, but she had been glad of its warmth yesterday afternoon getting off the aircraft. So she put it on, grimacing at the purple trousers as she did so. Actually, though, they didn’t look at all bad together, the coat being only a little longer than thigh length anyway. Strands of her hair looked pale and attractive against the upturned collar, and she decided there was no trace now of her earlier distress.

When she returned to the lounge, Robert stubbed out the cigar he had been smoking and walked abruptly towards the outer door followed by an excited Emma. Lucy clicked her tongue in obvious annoyance.

‘And when will you be back?’ she demanded. ‘It’s nearly eleven o’clock now!’ She gave Julie a crushing stare. ‘I thought you said you wanted to go shopping.’

Julie was taken aback. It had not been her suggestion that they might visit the stores. ‘We can go another day,’ she replied, glancing awkwardly at Robert to observe his reaction.