Goodbye Ruby Tuesday

‘She’s a great kid.’

‘I’m sure she is,’ Chelsea reached for her hand and squeezed, ‘how old is she?’

Mollie went to answer but Evie got there first, her voice a little higher as she stared at Chelsea’s designer shoes and bag, ‘We didn’t forget about our dreams. Life happened. We had responsibilities.’

‘I know, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry. It just seems like a waste. You were a talented artist. And Mollie was a great actress.’ Mollie nodded, holding up the Lambrini bottle in thanks.

Evie huffed, ‘I’m still a talented artist. I went to art school. I sell stuff, I have an Etsy shop and had a London exhibition.’ Four years ago, she added silently. ‘And Molls still does stuff, she acts and she’s an amazing baker, even better than she was at acting!’

Mollie looked at Evie in surprise, ‘Thanks, but I’m not ashamed that most of my acting is in the Christmas panto each year.’ She turned to Chelsea, ‘I get a few gigs here and there, but I don’t like leaving Esme with my mum. You remember what she’s like.’

Chelsea nodded, ‘But the baking is your new passion?’

Mollie rolled her eyes, ‘Evie’s good at spin, as always. I do some catering stuff. I always had this thing where I wanted to cater kids’ parties, creating healthy but really cool food,’ she twisted the cap off the Lambrini, ‘but the short answer is I work at Greggs. And I’m okay with that.’

Evie looked at her like she had betrayed her, ‘No you’re not.’

She looked back soberly, ‘No, I’m not. But I’ll be damned if I have to justify my life and try to make it sound better than it is.’

Evie felt that dig, and knew it sounded like she was making excuses, like she had something to prove. And maybe she did. Stuck in Badgeley, desperate to get out again. Art college had been a glimpse into the life she could have had, working with artistic people, making jewellery, experimenting with photography and illustration. Everything felt possible. Except jobs were hard to come by, and she had to pay rent, and her mum wanted the company. She went home to regroup and, somehow, years had passed.

Evie looked at Chelsea, took in the manicured nails, perfectly done hair, the clothes, the head held high. Somehow it was all too… right. It wasn’t personal, it was like she’d been designed by a personal shopper at Selfridges. She’d gone in with a list of demands: ‘make me a successful businesswoman’; ‘make me intimidating’; ‘make it fucking expensive’… and, like a genie, they’d created her. This strange, polished version of Chelsea who was so far from the girl who used to swig WKDs and stick out her blue tongue for photos that it wasn’t even funny.

‘It’s just a waste,’ Chelsea shrugged, ‘this place is… well, it’s Badgeley.’

‘You still dancing then? You bought that fancy dress with money from the ballet?’ Evie knew she should let it go.

‘No, I don’t really dance any more.’

‘What a waste,’ Evie bit back with meaning.

‘Judgy Wudgy,’ Chelsea sighed and shrugged, rustling in her handbag for a pack of cigarettes. She proffered the pack to Mollie, who shook her head.

‘Still a B and H girl. That’s comforting.’

‘I don’t really any more,’ Chelsea shrugged, ‘Kit hates it, he thinks it’s uncouth. But… I figured if there was ever a day I was going to need a smoke…’

Evie didn’t want to ask who Kit was. It didn’t really matter. He’d just be another part of this perfect life that Chelsea seemed to have carved, when they hadn’t managed to. Mollie nodded quietly, but didn’t ask either, perhaps because Chelsea hadn’t asked about her kid. Was there even a point trying to get to know each other now?

‘I guess we’re going to walk down memory lane, then?’ Chelsea said awkwardly.

Sure, they’d all been friends before and after Ruby, but… well, it had been a long time. They were not the same people. Plus, Mollie had a child. They’d never had that much in common when they were kids, but things are just different then. You’re friends because you both want Joey to end up with Pacey in Dawson’s Creek, or because you both prefer the bright blue flavoured Millions sweets. It’s not based on anything real.

‘What else can we do? Talk about how our lives haven’t gone according to plan and get depressed?’ Mollie shrugged.

‘Well, Chels won’t be saying that, will she? Everything’s clearly gone right for our resident boffin,’ Evie said, and Chelsea turned at the sharp tone.

‘Well then that’s wonderful!’ Mollie said warmly, reaching for Chelsea’s arm and giving Evie a very specific look. ‘Today of all days, it’s good to know someone made it.’

‘Yeah, well at least Ruby shone for a while. Burn bright and all that,’ Chelsea said uncomfortably, and from the daggers Evie was giving her, she realised it sounded like another judgement. ‘I mean, that was exactly how she would have wanted it. Nothing by halves, lots of drama.’

Mollie laughed gently, nodding. Evie shrugged and rolled her eyes, but nodded too.

‘Let’s just… let’s just drink this booze and deal with everything else after, right?’ Evie faltered, a little unsure as to what this ‘everything else’ was. Their entire history with a music star? Their history with each other, and the fact that they were pretty much strangers? She was happy for Chelsea, really, but even just looking at her made Evie feel like a failure. She’d been trapped in the town she wanted to escape, and time had passed and it was running out. Look at Ruby. Nothing lasted forever.

Mollie produced some plastic cups from her handbag and carefully poured out the lukewarm pink fizz, ignoring the prosecco completely, and they silently tapped cups together, solemn and thoughtful.

‘To Ruby Tuesday,’ Mollie said.

‘To Ruby Montgomery,’ Evie corrected, and her companions nodded.

‘The girl who shone,’ Chelsea added, drinking from the plastic cup and trying to hide a wince.

Evie grinned at that, a fitting moniker if ever there was one.

‘You know, I saw her once, at Glitter Cabaret when I first moved to London. Back when she was still a burlesque dancer who sang,’ Evie offered, feeling the tension ebb as she sipped again at the sickly pink drink. ‘It was exactly that – she shone. All these people in the audience looking at her in awe. Like she was a fallen star. The energy that night was crazy.’

‘You didn’t say hello?’

‘No,’ Evie shook her head, ‘I was… embarrassed. Scared it wouldn’t be the same. So I got trashed and went home with some guy.’

The two women didn’t say anything, just looked at her. She could feel Chelsea smoothing out the lines of judgement from her face. Mollie just smiled softly, completely open, as always.

‘I wish I’d said something. I bet it wouldn’t have been awkward at all.’

Evie bit her lip and looked up at them for confirmation, adjusting her sunglasses. She knew how to make it look as if she didn’t care, but these girls had seen her games for years. They weren’t taken in by the facade any more.

‘Nah, she was still Ruby. Even when I watched her performing at the VMAs, she was still laughing as she danced, pouting in that way she thought was sexy,’ Chelsea grinned.

‘Yeah, you remember when she tried to teach us that?’ Mollie laughed, trying to pout. ‘I still can’t do it.’

‘Probably a good thing, it looks ridiculous unless you’re covered in body glitter on a stage in front of thousands of people.’

‘I dunno, she always made it look good, even with a dodgy school uniform,’ said Evie softly.

She took a breath. She needed to tell them about the letter. She fingered the strap of her handbag, where the letter sat safely. The minute they opened it, well, who knew? Ruby’s death had been full of mystery, one of those suspected overdoses that no one ever named outright, but the whispers still permeated. The magazines noted her failed relationships, first the DJ and then the music producer, and the club manager. They talked about how thin she looked, grey in pallor. Not enough sleep, too many nights up shaking away on whatever substances they decided she was on that week. It was all gossip, of course. Perhaps they took the pictures from different times, before all her stress and greyness. Before the new album got delayed, and she didn’t turn up to her gigs. Ruby Tuesday was having a breakdown, according to the media. Evie was a little terrified, in case that turned out to be true. But it had to be done.

‘Okay, so I have to tell you guys something, before I chicken out…’ Evie produced the letter from her bag, ‘Apparently, Ruby left this for us.’

‘Oh god,’ Mollie sighed, ‘it’s going to be a shit storm. She’s going to tell us something horrible. Or it’ll be a Peter Pan adventure to discover her killer or something.’

Evie and Chelsea just looked at her, and she shrugged, ‘I’m sorry, but you know Ruby. Things are never as they seem.’

‘Maybe she just wanted to say goodbye,’ Chelsea frowned.

Evie raised her eyebrows, ‘It’s Ruby. If there’s no drama, there’s no point. There’s gonna be a love child by Liam Gallagher or a dead cousin under the floorboards that she needs us to dispose of.’ Evie breathed out, half laughing, ‘However, she’s already dead, so how much worse can it get?’

Mollie sighed, ‘What if it’s a cry for help, though? What if she needed us and we could have done something…’ She broke off and looked away, tearing at the grass beneath her fingers.